MN makes me feel bad

[wilkoqueen]

About everything.
My diet, my drinking habits, the screen time I allow my dc. I could go on. I take a lot of advice from here but I also try to remember that it's literally a bunch of strangers on the internet and anyone can say anything,
How reflective do you think MN is of real life? By MN standards I suspect I am a slovenly, unhealthy sub standard parent.

it's literally a bunch of strangers on the internet and anyone can say anything

You've answered your own question. People may well be describing their best day, not an average day, when they describe a super-healthy lifestyle and amazing parenting skills.

Yeah because random people on here say things it has to be true

I often wonder how I manage on my wage when so many people on here seem to earn about five times what I do. Definitely when stacked up against the MN average, I seem to be a fat, poorly dressed, lazy, unambitious alcoholic. Oh, and I let my kids and partner get away with all sorts, so am also a mug. And should probably LTB.

It's anonymous...people can, and do, say anything they like! I take everything on here with a truckload of salt. Isn't it something like only 4% of British adults earn this MN legendary 6 figure salary? Yet they're all on here, posting all day...

Mumsnet is for entertainment purpose only. Remember that and you'll be grand

I suppose people say things in relation to an ideal reality.
Like I say LTB when I feel the OP is badly treated with no hope of change. Yet I myself am in a bad relationship that I know I should leave yet I don't.

TBF other people's opinions don't make you feel things. Feelings come from within. If reading those things is making you feel bad it's probably guilt because a tiny part of you knows you could do more in those areas. As most of us could!

It's not all that reflective of real life, OP.

To be honest, there are certain types of people who I think come onto forums like this (and I know I do myself so I guess I'm one of them!)

There are lots of people coming here for quick lighthearted entertainment.

There are lots of people who just have nothing better to do and come here to make nasty judgements and quick quips at people they don't know, because it makes them feel better about themselves.

There are also quite a few nice and sensible people here giving good advice, but I don't think they're the majority.

So yeah... take it with a pinch of salt, for sure!

Sure I mean who doesn’t hate them? 😂

There is a thread at the moment about screen time for toddlers which I agree isn't ideal but my dd is currently to glued to Blippi while I attempt to have a coffee and get some washing done. People are saying 3 year olds should have no screen time and I just compare that with my own reality and feel like I'm doing things wrong somehow. That's just one example.

It regularly makes me feel like I'm doing life wrong. And yes I realise people might be lying but surely not everyone is. There is quite often some useful advice here so it would be nice to think most people are genuine.

Oh god OP, I spend the vast amount of my time on this site laughing at what people think about all those things. This is pure entertainment and as someone else said, you've answered your own question.

I find the food section very helpful for queries about cooking though.

You're not doing your life wrong. You're doing your best in your current situation and a little screen time is not going to harm a 3 year old, unless they're glued to it all day without human interaction.

Maybe you should have a little break from the site, as it's making you feel bad about stuff that you really shouldn't feel bad about x

It has a disproportionate amount of people who don’t have people to talk to/complain to/get advice from in real life. So that’s why you see so many ‘I have no friends’ posts, so many MIL posts, so many angry closed minded people and so many people who love an argument.
I’m here because like them I used to be lonely, and MN was great for canvassing opinions when I had no one else. But now I’m addicted and it’s a habit I need to break! It makes me feel bad too. Always reels me back in though as it’s so much better than Google for a lot of quick, realistic and more in-depth answers to specific issues.
Also years ago MN was much more helpful and less bunfighty, it’s definitely changed in the last say 5 years.

Why do you feel bad?
There must be something in these messages that make you feel like you should be doing something else.
Use the messages to inspire you. You'll feel better.

But you are the Queen of Wilko so you are winning. 👸

MN used to be less anonymous and therefore more supportive generally. Now you post something quite ordinary and people are attacking from all sides. It's crazy. But you are right, you don't know them. I know an influencer whose life is completely fabricated. It's total bollocks.

Oh yes, like me you probably have 'low standards'. Lol

To be fair, I don’t think MN is very representative of the general population; it seems to be quite middle class and London centric.

Hehehe I think that too.

Also - if you're in such an important full on job where you're working all hours being brilliant - how or why do you have the inclination to post on every single thread about salary etc??

I think you’re asking the wrong question. It’s irrelevant whether Mn represents a statistical reflection of RL. If it’s affecting your peace of mind for whatever reason, step away now.

A good friend of mine, a regular for years, left a long time ago because she was having an anxious period with difficult young children and feeling fragile, and she found that the more intractable, scolding voices of Mn (‘how dare you let your child stand in a trolley?’ ‘How dare you let your child disturb other people in a cafe?’) amplified the negative bits of her own internal monologue and turned it into a chorus, so that she felt everyone looking when her three year old threw a back-arching, screaming tantrum in Sainsbury’s was a potential judgemental Mner storing up details for AIBU. So she left and hasn’t been back.

If Mn is having a negative impact on your mental health, don’t hang about.

All the families that I know who have toddlers tend to have the tv on in the background most of the time.
Certainly some of the posts on here about hygiene are hilarious.
I do occasionally wonder how my children survived and were able to have children of their own! But they did!
Don't let MN make you feel bad. Pick and choose what you read, and talk to other humans face to face.

You can’t tell the parameters a mum is working to. Someone who stays at home all day while the husband works and the kids are at school has all the time in the world to make quinoa and chickpea frittatas and do 2 hours of yoga and a run. If you are a single parent working full time and caring for your parents, fish fingers, chips and beans is a good dinner.

Compared to my RL friends and family there are a much higher ratio of people in MN who are:
Obsessive about hygiene in an irrational way
Unwilling to answer the door
Afraid to walk alone, go out after dark, spend the night alone in their home, drive on motorways
Likely to take things personally and get offended
Have ‘boundaries’ which apply even to closest family members about visits, where people can go in their house, etc

Possibly a huge group of people who spend significant time on an internet chat board are not, by definition, typical of the whole population.

On threads about eating and weightloss you are getting a single issue view into someone’s life and beliefs. Observe as if you were David Attenborough watching a creature in it’s natural habitat from a safe distance, and decide whether the info / perspective is interesting or useful to YOU

How reflective do you think MN is of real life?

I think it’s reflective of white, wealthy middle class women from wealthy middle class backgrounds in the south east. If, like me, you’re not all of those things, it’s probably not reflective of your real life.