MN makes me feel bad

[wilkoqueen]

About everything.
My diet, my drinking habits, the screen time I allow my dc. I could go on. I take a lot of advice from here but I also try to remember that it's literally a bunch of strangers on the internet and anyone can say anything,
How reflective do you think MN is of real life? By MN standards I suspect I am a slovenly, unhealthy sub standard parent.

Ah op don't let it make you feel bad, I use to end up in bad form most days having read things on here. I literally believed everything and I would question how I did things and I realised that half of the stuff is made up. When people start saying the things you mention plus more I said to myself they must be very unhappy to live such restrictive lives or so lonely that they make stuff up. So when scrolling now I just hide every post that I think is made up rubbish or where there's posters being abusive.

You don't know where people are in their lives either. My PFB (now age 5) had no sugar until he was 1 (and even then, hardly any) and no screen time until he was 2. After 2, he watched 20 minutes of carefully curated "gentle" programmes a couple times a week. All his toys were geared towards his current developmental stage, nothing with batteries, flashing lights, noises etc. We went outside for at least 90 minutes a day, rain or shine. I went back to work when he was 14 months, only working 2 days a week, when DH stayed home with him. So he was constantly being read to, doing baking, playing with blocks...
DC2 (now age 2) has been watching spiderman since she was about 6 months old, because she's in the room when DC1 is watching it. I found him feeding her chocolate when she was 4 months old. I went back to work 3 days a week on her first birthday, because our mortgage was about to skyrocket, and she started nursery. My time with her consists of a few books, maybe some play dough, and lots of being dragged around on the school run and assorted other errands, or her "helping" me do housework. We have something like a freezer pizza or fish fingers every Friday because that's what our work schedules can accommodate.
All that to say, my advice on any parenting threads would have reflected my reality at the time. I wasn't lying, but nor has my advice ever been objectively correct; it's just been what worked for my situation at the time and probably reflected a significant degree of naivity about other people's reality. I'd probably feel like crap if I read my own advice from 3 years ago!

This is so true! My kids watch a ton of TV but I do pretty much make all our meals from scratch without UPF…. While they are glued to their screens.

except… the younger two won’t eat the lovely non UPF food I make and end up with beans on toast half the time. But I could have just edited this post to only say the cooking part!

People lie and also sometimes show a snapshot of their situation.

So I can go on a thread and give advise about not putting up with a lazy dh.
But i can equally go on a thread and moan about dh being lazy. Because he can be great in some ways and a giant pain in the arse in others.

Ah but are you a ‘cool wife’ ?

I drink at least a bottle of wine a week so I do am a raving alike.

I also did a school run in my oodie this morning. Contemplating entering the supermarket in it.

Bows head in shame.

The reality is that most people are doing the best they can in their circumstances with the resources that they have. It's no use telling someone who relies on working from home at least part of the week with limited childcare to pay their mortgage that screen time is evil. It's not great, yes, but letting your child have more than the recommended screen time is hardly akin to locking them in a cupboard and not caring about them. Similarly chicken nuggets and fries every day is not ideal but fed children are preferable to be hungry ones, and you can improve things a bit by chucking some frozen veg in a pan to boil.

My kids are all older now but I'd still like to join.

Used to be a member of a forum called the Bad Mothers Club - it wasn't without its problems but it didn't quite have the parent posturing and sanctimony that this place exudes.

🤣🤣🤣

Well I'm a size 6 earning £100,000 bonuses a year on top of my generous salary, and my darling, supportive , handsome faithful Husband also earns a similar amount.
We have a beautiful house in Primrose Hill, and a holiday home in the South of France, and very clever children who gained scholarships to the best schools, despite us easily being able to pay the fees.

🤥

The basic principal of “everyone fed, nobody dead” by the end of a day is a good one with kids.😄
First child was carefully curated, third one was effectively dragged up. They’re all fine, healthy functioning adults. Child rearing strategies come and go. Stick to the mid ground. People have been bringing up kids for generations by different methods. Each method has its winners and losers. Do what works for you.

Most people have it together in a couple of areas but not all of them, and that doesn’t come across very strongly on a forum with thousands of different posters. So for example a poster might say that they don’t use screens for their DC and clean their home to a high standard but what they don’t say is that they don’t work. Or someone might say that they’re a high earner but not mention that they don’t have time for a healthy lifestyle. But reading those posts together gives the impression that everyone has everything together.

And sometimes people might be saying what they think the best thing to do is regardless of whether they actually do it - I think limiting screen time under 3 is a WHO recommendation but saying that doesn’t tell you about my own approach.

I read MN like it's a problem page of a magazine. Back in my youth I always skipped to the problem pages first (anyone remember 'Cathy and Clare'?)

....but I never realised how chilled out I am until I came on here. There are so many people on here stressing about nothing, unhappy and judgemental and unable to connect with other humans.

Me too. I've never described myself as laid back but compared to some posters on MN I'm horizontal. I wonder how some people get through the day with the amount of things they worry about and get irritated by.

You're doing fine OP, be grateful you don't get worked up over largely inconsequential matters.

I don’t even think it’s reflective of that - I think it’s reflective of people online pretending to be that.

I don't care what people think of me as a parent, I do what I need to do to stay sane and get things done, my 4 month old baby is currently sat watching nursery rhymes so I could wash up and get laundry done without her screaming, some people would probably have something to say about that but I don't care, in my opinion it's better for her to be happily entertained by some cartoon animals than getting upset and screaming because I'm not in the room

I'm on that thread saying the OP should just go cold turkey during the week, but that's because it isn't working for her or her DC. I have one that could have the TV on all day and be grand, and one that really struggles with it going off, especially on busy weekdays.

If Blippi lets you get a coffee, then you savour that coffee. And tune out Blippi, because I'm not familiar but I'm betting it's hella annoying.

I don't think MN is representative. IRL everyone I know opens the door when it rings, no matter if they're expecting anyone.

Take what's useful from it and ignore the rest, and if it's getting under your skin just leave and enjoy your life.

My three spent an inordinate amount of time in front of the tv when they were toddlers.
Nickelodeon and the Cartoon Network were their unpaid babysitters
i didn’t cook from scratch daily, oven chips and nuggets were usually the order of the day.

They are all teens/ early twenties now and are lovely , sensible and well rounded .

Some people on MN are genuine. However, I take most of what is said on here with a pinch of salt

You need to take what people say online with a pinch of salt! Anyone can lie online, i'm sure their words don't reflect their lifestyle at all.

My friend and I regularly comment on things we've said or done with "MN would hate it"

I don't take parenting advice from MN, generally. I am only here for entertainment and diversion. I took parenting advice from my mum.

Anonymity brings out the worst in people. I wish there was a way around this

best piece of advice i ever had with regards to advice was 'take what serves, leave what doesn't'

Everyone has a different life, different circumstances, different health, different children with different needs... not everyone's thoughts or advice will suit you or work for you.

As a disabled parent with a disabled kid i have to take a lot of peoples thoughts about house work, hygiene, child rearing, appropriate amount to spend on the kids at christmas..etc with a pinch of salt because if i took it al to heart, i'd just give up.

Mumsnet was horrible during Covid. I was the worst side of people then. It was revolting

Also never post in AIBU. Use other forums.