MN makes me feel bad

[wilkoqueen]

About everything.
My diet, my drinking habits, the screen time I allow my dc. I could go on. I take a lot of advice from here but I also try to remember that it's literally a bunch of strangers on the internet and anyone can say anything,
How reflective do you think MN is of real life? By MN standards I suspect I am a slovenly, unhealthy sub standard parent.

It makes me feel the opposite quite honestly. Yes, I'm sure I'm eating too many upfs, my kids have too much screen time etc etc but I never realised how chilled out I am until I came on here. There are so many people on here stressing about nothing, unhappy and judgemental and unable to connect with other humans.

This site is also a perfect illustration of money not buying you happiness. So many people on 6 figure salaries whining about how they don't have enough money. I used to envy people who earned that much, imagining that their lives must be pretty care free but apparently not. No matter how much you earn you still feel skint and worry about money!

I think the main thing to remember is that people answer the threads they want to answer. Which probably means it's something they feel they do well. Eg if my child has a good nutritious diet but has lots of screen time, I'll pop up with advice on a thread about healthy eating but not one about screen time - maybe because I'm a bit embarrassed about the latter, or maybe just because I feel I haven't got any wisdom to add. I don't think everyone is lying but it's selective.

Stay away from AIBU. It is definitely the worst board on MN. IMO. There are many excellent boards that offer kindness and support, like bereavement and special needs, for example.

People are total bullshitters on here though. I take absolutely no notice of the smug performance parenting

Oh OP you really need to stop thinking everything you read on here is true. So you're worried your 3 year old is watching blippi on the TV? My 2 year old is watching marble run videos on YouTube on a tablet as I type this🤭 all bets are off with a toddler and you do what works for you. Many kids grew up with a TV on all day and didn't turn into violent psychopaths so please stop worrying

Thank you all, this is a much nicer thread than most 😂

Smug performance parenting is a perfect description of it 😂

Snap.
I pop on to remind myself that my husband isn't a twat, my kids are polite and I really like my family and friends.

I stick to Aibu for this very reason

It makes me feel the opposite quite honestly. Yes, I'm sure I'm eating too many upfs, my kids have too much screen time etc etc but I never realised how chilled out I am until I came on here. There are so many people on here stressing about nothing, unhappy and judgemental and unable to connect with other humans

It makes me feel better about myself too! I'm glad i'm a don't really give a fuck type of person, because the alternative is asking strangers for their opinions on your choice of xmas tree lights, and fuck me that's just sad.

As a high earner, I agree three year olds shouldn't be having screen time.

Some words of wisdom a friend told me once - the kind of people who spend their time giving advice on a parenting forum are not the kind of people you should take advice from.

I think MN is great for insight and advice sometimes but the standards people hold themselves up to are insane.

Just remember its different people, the person who showers twice a day and is appaled that your sink isn't bleached every day isn't the same person who doesn't let their under 2s see a screen, the person eating raw salads and working out 4 times a week isn't the person who is caring for elderly parents while caring for two disabled children. We all have different priorities and circumstances, if you prioritise one thing something else has to give.

@soupfiend my kids get a decent amount of screen time (absolutely loads by MN standards) and they also play and get outside. Don't stress about it.

There does seem to be a lot of the same type of person on here but that doesn't reflect the people I interact with in real life.

Are you sure it's MN making you feel bad, or is it you that feels bad about the thing and MN talking about the thing reminds you that you feel bad about it?

I mean, I could say I think meat is super bad for you and evil and anyone who eats it is the devil, but I'd doubt that would make anyone who likes meat feel bad about their life. They'd probably just think I'm dead silly. (I don't have that opinion at all, for the record!).

But the reaction might be different if I was bashing something they were doing that they already, themseleves, feel bad about.

That's not MN making you feel bad, that's you making younl feel bad for continuing a behaviour or similar that YOU feel is bad.

Have a good think about what being said makes you feel bad and why. Maybe it is a behaviour you would ideally change for yourself (not for MN) and so need to put that effort in. Maybe it's something that isn't bad, but you're insecure about it, and that's also a "you" thing you need to confront.

It the way every single bloody thing is interpreted as rude that freaks me out.

Did you mean to be so rude?

My kids have soooo much screen time. The TV is like a 3rd parent in our house. But I’ve got four kids and 2 are now teens - they are lovely - chat away to us, actively want to spend time with us and doing well in school so I don’t think the screen time has done any harm. Or maybe it has but I do the best I’m capable of and if that means the two younger kids watch tv in the morning while I get ready for work then so be it! Mumsnet is full of shit!

It is VERY easy to be the ideal parent/partner/friend/daughter/sister from the safety of one's own home with no real comeback to worry about.

The poster snooting about screen time and passing judgement on others feeds her kids crap because she doesn't like cooking.

The poster who snoots about ultra processed foods while making a wholesome meal from scratch every night leaves her kids on their consoles for hours.

Do you see?

This is MN where if you drink more than a thimble full of wine a week, you are an alki. If you let your kids have screen time you are neglectful etc. I just ignore them. For all I know they are a middle aged man from Hull ...

I agree about the rudeness. Saying things to people? Out loud? Rude.

Following every behavioural expert in the world and asking people questions about themselves? Rude and intrusive.

I don't and will never run my life and raise my kids based on what MN think.

Dont get me wrong, there are amazing women on here with amazing advice but sadly there is a proportion who just wants to make people feel bad or inadequate.

My kids have tonnes of screen time, one of them survives on chicken dippers and cheap frozen mac & cheese, I like wine, and I really don't mind my husband having nights out with friends and getting pissed out his skull. But MN standards I'm a terrible person, and DH is the devil. But I have kind, caring, intelligent teens now who are excelling at school. DH is an amazing husband who worships me, and I think I'm doing okay myself.

Take the good stuff, ignore the crap stuff and remember MN isn't real life.

I always see the posts that are started by someone who is genuinely looking for advice because things have gone tits up or they have made a mistake only for the high horse posters to make out that they would never do that and don't know anybody who would do that and it's "very concerning" and "your poor child" and all of the other bollocks they come out with lol.
I can always tell which posters are my kind of people and they are usually the ones who are not judgemental twats. That's me being a hypocrite I suppose because I'm judging the high horse ones based on what they write lol difference is that I will fully admit that about myself

Btw - I agree with you...MN can be anxiety inducing.

Also, please remember that there are sooooo many fakers on here. I would argue that at least 50 percent of AIBU is trolling - really I think it is that high (if not more). I have been here forever (under name changes) and it's certainly ramped up. Obviously it's a much bigger site now and more content is generated online, so people need things to write about for their columns, etc - or just for their own lols.

It's also very easy to be strident behind a keyboard and fire off a knee-jerk response rather than a more nuanced reflection you would get in real conversation. (You are getting some nice considered replies here though!)

You're not alone. Shall we start a "bad parent" group? We can sit and talk and drink wine while our kids watch YouTube 🤣 totally get what you're saying and I'm in your camp. As long as my kids are happy and healthy then sod anyone else x

Shit. Thanks for the reminder. I had a splendid night out last night. Couldn't find anyone to watch the little 'uns so I popped em down the cellar with some Dairylea strings, a sweet fizzy drink and their screens. You've just reminded me to let 'em out so they can take themselves to school 😮