MN makes me feel bad

[wilkoqueen]

About everything.
My diet, my drinking habits, the screen time I allow my dc. I could go on. I take a lot of advice from here but I also try to remember that it's literally a bunch of strangers on the internet and anyone can say anything,
How reflective do you think MN is of real life? By MN standards I suspect I am a slovenly, unhealthy sub standard parent.

It’s really handy for specific questions that I’m struggling with. Was a life saver during the first couple of years with a new baby! But I was also surprised at the perfectness of all the other parents as no one I see in real life is that good!

i felt like the worst parent ever after my DD at some tissue and I got 24 hours of hate. DD seems fine now 3 years down the line! Who knew.

I commented on that post as it felt so bias towards no screen time when in reality I know no one who has a no screen time policy for their 3 year olds!

I feel regularly I am doing things wrong but remind myself most people will only post the good stuff and online exaggerate alot of that. I try to comment on those sort of posts to make sure the OP does see there are also people doing things the way they are.

I once got roasted on a post for saying I took my DH surname when got married and because it was what I wanted....apparently that wasn't the right answer to some people.

This. I have been on MN for years, under a different username. I have periods where I have stepped back because the tone of the site has taken a dive imo. I would not log on here if it is affecting you too much OP.

No it doesn’t reflect RL for me, many mumsnet users seem weirdly uptight and wanting to take the moral high ground all the time. I’ve posted before that it can full of contradictions as well depending on the topic. Eg. if someone posts about going out and about with a cold you will get lots of stern and angry replies ‘So selfish spreading germs. I ensure to stay away from anyone until I’m not infectious!’ But then if someone posts about being off work with sickness it’s ‘I have never taken a single day sick leave in fifteen years. I would be seriously unimpressed at an absence like this. You can work with a mild cold!’

There are so many posters who just sound insufferable (but there is also nice, normal sounding people and good advice which is why I stay !)

I think a lot of posters are ridiculously anxious and paranoid.

good for you, would you like a cookie?

I often wonder the same thing! When do they earn their money? They are answering threads 8 hours a day!

Some.parts of the site are brilliant, which is why I come on. But it is very right wing and very middle class - obviously working class women who post on here get a very hard time.

I also notice that if anybody has slightly dodgy literacy or uses slang, they are picked on quite a bit.

So I would take it all with an enormous lump of salt if I were you OP.

Do you know anyone in real life who never gives their toddlers any screen time? I don't.

I had LOADS of screen time when I was little - loved it - and I still went on to do very well academically - went to Oxford University in fact (and I am from a fairly working class background so that wasn't easy)

My daughter had quite a lot of screen time and has grown up to be a high academic achiever and the loveliest person I ever met.

Some people just like to make their own lives harder, and their children's lives miserable. Let them crack on - and "tonight thank God it's them, instead of you."

What sort of things does the influencer fabricate out of interest? Obviously not asking who she/he is I'm just fascinated as I'd always suspected that they do this

I think there tends to be 2 types if people on mumsnet - the people who are struggling (with money, relationships, time management, motherhood...) and the people who want to brag about their perfect life and perfect morals. I think it is reflective of real life because both of those sets of people exist, but I would say that the vasy majority of people fall somewhere in the middle and slide up and down the scale on a daily basis depending on what else is going on in our lives. Sometimes we struggle with things, sometimes we manage. We all have things we do well and things we would rather other people sort out. Something easy to one person is hard for another and vice versa.

Mumsnet has a major issue with age gap relationships especially when the male is older. My partner is 21 years older than me and I usually end up hiding most of the age gap related threads because the replies are so awful.

Dont get me started on the income threads, apparently 70k or even 100k isn't enough for a family. This site makes me feel like such a peasant 😂

I think you have to take a lot of it with a huge pinch of salt- saying in theory what is the right way to go doesn’t mean it’s feasible/ doable or done. Also there’s people on who may be having a bad time of it or a bad day or let’s face it, are irritated or bitter or short on time so just throw down an answer or tell posters they’re lucky etc

Yep, mines 17 years older and I'm soooo sick of the "you'll end up being his carer" bollocks 😂 more likely the other way around with the way my health is😅

Definitely not with a pinch of salt, its so bad for you

I can only speak from my own experience. I change details to keep my privacy but the gist of what I say is true. I might be 40 50 60 live in various towns, be married or divorced WFH or in an office depending on the situation. My screen time is about 14 hours a day if that helps. 10 hours at work then TV in the evening

Allfur
For a second as I typed I did try to come up with a healthier, genius alternative but didn’t get there😅

I really like it. I do think some people are completely mad and I'm sure others are liars but overall I do really like having a wide range of opinions.

If you only go by what your friends and family do then you're not really getting a good idea of the world.

About screen time, I think it can be good for three-year-olds to watch some TV. However my son was saying that out of all their antenatal group, all of them put their five month old babies propped up with an iPad.

He didn't know people did that and they didn't know people didn't do that. If he hadn't met up with them he'd still be unaware and so might they. I have told him time and again to come on here!

I think this site is a great way of meeting both sets of people and getting their opinions.

It's the same with alcohol. If everyone you know is drinking every night then it's quite enlightening to learn that some people don't touch drink in the week and actually go for a run or do a craft or something like that.

Oh here we go, they're infiltrating this thread now; Take cover everyone 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️🏃🏃‍♀️

@Berlinlover Genuine question - Does it not freak you out to think that your partner was a 21yr old man when you were a baby? I think that sort of thought process is what people find hard to understand

It's difficult one- I don't agree that it's white middle/upper class. I see many threads started by posters these days whose situations and lifestyles wouldn't have sounded amiss on the Jeremy Kyle show- it's very mixed

I would say though there are an awful lot of 'we are FTB looking at up to £800k ' type posts- that's a bit of a niche I think and not reflective

There are some very rigid attitudes and yes obsessions I don't really see out there much amongst friends and family- ultra processed foods, being 'totally up to the minute dress wise' - 'family time' and no one ever admitting they love a good break away from kids etc

I felt the same after reading that screen time thread. People saying 1.5 hours of screen time was far too much and they shouldn’t be having any at all. I must be the worst mum in the world.

it made me realise that mumsnet is just not reality.

MN can be terribly sanctimonious. People often take their best days or their aspirations for how they want to live and then share them as though it’s their every day. But anyone can say anything on the internet!

If it makes you feel better I’m currently 273 weeks pregnant and mid house renovation, so everything is a tip, my son has eaten some form of carbohydrate with beans for the last four dinners in a row, and I haven’t done any exercise in about a month. But we’re all alive and reasonably cheerful, and on some other day we will all be wearing clean clothes and doing a wholesome craft activity while something healthy is bubbling in the oven, and it will all broadly work out in the end.

I am not white and we don't eat UPF except v rarely. ( Dont care what others do).Take a lot of breaks from kids and always have.
MN contains multitudes!

I think for most people, MN is just light entertainment and a way to pass the time - it's not something to be taken seriously.