Neighbour won’t change Wi-Fi password

[bluestoneboys]

Backstory - I get on pretty well with my neighbour, kids same age etc and my son used to go to school with them and loves to go over and hang out on occasion, while he was over there, neighbour let him use the Wi-Fi and he memorised the password (they know his history etc and that he has a brain like a sponge and a photographic memory)
now I can’t keep him off the Wi-Fi (at home he’s only ever had access to my personal hotspot so that I can completely limit access)
eventually I plan on getting him an iPad (probably for Christmas) so that I can download apps that can keep him safe as he’s permanently screaming at me when I say no YouTube etc as I don’t think it is appropriate for an 8yo
Now I’ve sussed out that he’s been hooked up to her Wi-Fi for about 2 weeks and has been sneaking time on his laptop overnight which fills me with anxiety about what he’s possibly doing on there. But she’s said she can’t change the password as that is too complicated etc
obv I know he’s my responsibility but given everything else he’s got going on and neighbour is aware I found it quite odd that she couldn’t change it in an effort to 1) stop him freeloading off her and 2) keep him safe
as of today I’ve now removed his laptop from him completely as it’s the only option I have currently to stop him, but he’s been flat out screaming and shouting for an hour now because his laptop is ‘very special’ to him as it’s where he stores all his work for homeschooling and also pictures of his pets (especially ones who have died) and he can get quite sentimental and sees this as a bit of an attack from me now
AIBU to ask her to change it to something he doesn’t know or was I out of line?

This too is a concern. I'm surprised either of you allowed it tbh.

Rather than asking her to change the password (which can be a real pain for some people), why not just ask her to block his device while you deal with the situation? Then prevent unsupervised access - no devices in bedrooms, etc.

It's not our job to be our kids' best friends. It's our job to keep them safe and support their development. Which means limiting access to an addictive thing when he can't control himself around that thing, supporting the development of emotional regulation skills, and presenting consequences for behaviours such as dishonesty (he's effectively stealing free wifi from her, lied to you to sneak extra unauthorised screen time, etc.). If he wants to have his laptop in his room, then he has to demonstrate the necessary maturity to show he can manage the responsibility. Do not get him an iPad at this stage.

Even if your child has additional needs they still need to be parented, he is 8 and accessing internet throughout the night that is your problem, why on earth would you consider buying and iPad when your child clearly has problems with the laptop? Your just asking for more trouble.

This is a joke right? Why should someone change their WiFi password which is presumably connected to all their devices because you can’t handle your son’s outbursts surrounding the internet?

Has nobody noticed 8 pages of responses/replies
& NONE from @bluestoneboys

I wonder where your son git that entitlement from. I can see it from you because you asking your neighbour to change their password. Do you know how hard it is to change everything, every devices including alexa, smart tv, etc. I wouldn’t do it. Stop being a brat!.

Crikey the op is hardly asking for the Earth is she? This thread is bonkers.

@Letmegohome something about this thread doesn't add up. Can't put my finger on it. It just feels off to me. I can't help feeling it's the 8 year old on his laptop writing it and having a good laugh at us all.

@CheesecakeTheCapybara if so he's got better writing skills then some regular posters! :)

YouTube was only founded in 2005, so it won't have existed when most parents who have an 8 year old were themselves 8.
The other things you mention existed but were prohibitively expensive and very limited in function compared to what they can do today.

I've just checked online and apparently mass market tablets only launched in 2010! Which fits with what I remember but is frighteningly recent. An 8 year old in 2010 would only be 22 now!

Which is a long winded way of saying all these technologies are still really new and we're still working out as a society how to handle them.

How long do you think this will last? How about saving money by cancelling your internet service and just using her's. Sounds like she's given you permission.

Asking whether it would be possible to change their password or block his device really isn't unreasonable. It was them who gave the password to your son at the first place supposedly without your permission.

The neighbour gave ops son the wifi code so this is to do with the neighbour - I don't think you were unreasonable to ask. Changing the password really isn't a big deal.

As she won't, I think that you need to limit access - remove the laptop, install parental controls etc as others have suggested.

As everyone has pointed out, changing the Wi-Fi password would result in umpteen devices having to be updated, which is tedious and time-consuming. Plenty of people never touch their router settings, and are afraid to even try, for fear of breaking something.

It's not her responsibility to stop your kid accessing the internet. There's free open WiFi all over the place anyway if he goes out of the house. Tell him he's not to use it. Tell him she said he's barred from using it. (Whether she cares or not) So if he's doing it you can call it stealing. If you steal the all internet and device privileges will be withdrawn.
Either that or get some other security blocking thing. Idk what but there must be stuff to keep kids safe in these circumstances. Imagine if you lived in a big block, or near a high street. There's be tons of open WiFi.

I’m impressed at how high tech some MNers are! 30…..50….! We have precisely 4 devices connected to our WiFi, dinosaurs that we are! Unless we have neighbours like the op, of course….

I was shocked when I rang up to report a problem with our WiFi when the bloke on the other end of the phone asked if I knew we had 37 devices attached to the WiFi!! I thought it was being stolen until I realised how many devices we have connected. Not just phones laptops, iPads, PCs and consoles, but Alexa’s, heating etc. even the air fryer is connected to the WiFi 😂

I wouldn't change it if I were your neighbour.
Just select "forget this network"

YABU. It is not her responsibility to protect your son. Just take the damn thing off him and don't let him use it unsupervised. He is 8, what does he need a tablet for? If he screams, so be it.

Are you seriously telling me you can't control an 8 year old child? Who is the bloody parent here?

A laptop... for an 8 year old. Surely a basic tablet is more age appropriate...and easier to set parental controls on.

No devices in bedrooms. Ever. Would avoid the WiFi issue.

He is 8. You should have more control over the situation.
Just dont let him have the laptop when he can't use the Internet .
He will cope even if he does get upset and angry about it. At that point you just parent him and put boundaries in place .

Come on, surely you can parent and make sure he doesn’t have access to his laptop at inappropriate times and when not supervised. He doesn’t need it to look at his past pets at 3am for goodness sake. He’s yelling/screaming, so what? Deal with this properly, that is parenting appropriately, not asking neighbours to change their lives.

I hope he has good friendships because from this description I just feel kind of sad. I think by overprotecting him you may turn him against you.

Boys that age all love their Minecraft and video game content and socialise over it, a lot of it’s on YouTube (turn on parental controls) if you get a Roku you can have it on the tv and oversee if there’s anything bad but if you stick to only certain creators, it’s ok and safe, they love it so maybe a middle ground?

As for your neighbour, this isn’t their problem. Your son is desperately telling you he needs more freedom and independence. He’ll do this with or without your knowledge (and then there’s no protection) so you’ll need to find a middle ground like getting wifi and setting parental controls

Not at all unreasonable to ask. But as Wellingtonspie and a couple of other people said, the best and simplest solution is to block access to that wifi on your router. (People are right about the huge bother of reconnecting everything else.) Your internet provider usually has a help page with instructions where one can see how to get into the router admin page and block (also called "filter") a specific source. A bother to have to deal with this, but that's what 8 year-olds are for, isn't it 😝.