Neighbour won’t change Wi-Fi password

[bluestoneboys]

Backstory - I get on pretty well with my neighbour, kids same age etc and my son used to go to school with them and loves to go over and hang out on occasion, while he was over there, neighbour let him use the Wi-Fi and he memorised the password (they know his history etc and that he has a brain like a sponge and a photographic memory)
now I can’t keep him off the Wi-Fi (at home he’s only ever had access to my personal hotspot so that I can completely limit access)
eventually I plan on getting him an iPad (probably for Christmas) so that I can download apps that can keep him safe as he’s permanently screaming at me when I say no YouTube etc as I don’t think it is appropriate for an 8yo
Now I’ve sussed out that he’s been hooked up to her Wi-Fi for about 2 weeks and has been sneaking time on his laptop overnight which fills me with anxiety about what he’s possibly doing on there. But she’s said she can’t change the password as that is too complicated etc
obv I know he’s my responsibility but given everything else he’s got going on and neighbour is aware I found it quite odd that she couldn’t change it in an effort to 1) stop him freeloading off her and 2) keep him safe
as of today I’ve now removed his laptop from him completely as it’s the only option I have currently to stop him, but he’s been flat out screaming and shouting for an hour now because his laptop is ‘very special’ to him as it’s where he stores all his work for homeschooling and also pictures of his pets (especially ones who have died) and he can get quite sentimental and sees this as a bit of an attack from me now
AIBU to ask her to change it to something he doesn’t know or was I out of line?

It’s not your neighbours problem to solve.
My kids are 10 and 14 & neither have any devices in their rooms overnight.
An 8 year old shouldn’t have access to a laptop all night.

Your child is addicted to screens. That’s for you to fix sorry.

He may be but he still needs to learn that manipulating others by screaming isn't the way to behave. We have here a mother whose child is being abusive. He needs to have his tantrums not pandered to.

Sure, but I was trying to make a general point. We all need to learn some rules of "digital hygiene", like making backups, and knowing who is on your WiFi network is part of that. Any given type of incident is not especially likely, but neither is hitting a lamp-post with your car tomorrow, and yet you will put your seat-belt on. 🙏

Sorry OP, I think YABU. We’ve got a million things connected to our wifi, including bulbs and speakers, and I swear I lost a day of my life last time we changed provider. I wouldn’t change it, but I’d be happy to block a device if it was easy enough.

I’d be more concerned about your DS’s behaviour - hard to know if it’s down to discipline or something else, but it doesn’t sound as if he’s ready for his own iPad if you are having these issues. And no 8 year old needs unsupervised access to devices, whether they are connected to the internet or not, in their bedroom overnight.

Of course YABU your parenting issues are not her problem - you need to stop looking for an easy way out and tackle this head on. From your post I suspect your son has SEN but even so, you need to set some boundaries.

An 8 year old being abusive? He needs parenting, for sure but surely abusive is a step too far? He's having a tantrum, I'm sure mum can remove the laptop!

It's not your neighbour's problem, and even if the password was changed, DS would very likely find out the new one.

You may need to confiscate his laptop for long periods, especially overnight, since your son is determined to disobey you and you can't find a way of reasoning with him. Also there are parental controls you will need to put in place.

That would be the best thing. To remove it until he decides to behave himself. When he has calmed down she can engage with him, but best she doesn't feed into it by paying it attention. He will learn that his meltdown doesn't get results. Kids are resilient he will have forgotten about it by Christmas I expect. They switch off easily from things we adults would obsess over.

>Giving an eight year old the WiFi password is not the same as literally handing him porn. Get a grip now.

Actually it is. Good luck explaining to plod that it must have been someone else using your wifi to send dodgy messages to another kid. (and if you think 8yr olds don't get up to stuff online you're naive)

Handing out your WiFi credentials to someone else's child is irresponsible. Hopefully she has parental controls enabled at the provider layer but I wouldn't bet on it.

This seems sensible and easily done.

I agree. The neighbour created the issue to start with by giving her wifi password to someone else's child. That was pretty out of order tbh, and taking liberties to just assume you wouldn't mind... it circumvents your parental judgement on safeguarding your own child!
(Naturally I realise she won't have meant any harm, but likely the thought simply didn't occur to her.)
I hope neighbour would think twice now, given a similar situation with friends of her ds.

Nevertheless, now that it's happened, best to find a way of barring the hotspot from your end, as others have suggested.

Print off the precious pictures and he can out them in an album.

. And laptop stays downstairs from now on.. ..

Simple.

Why did your 8 year old child have unsupervised access to a laptop at night at all?
Why did you send your child over to a neighbours house with an internet enabled device that means he asked for a Wi Fi password in the first place?

Why are you planning to buy even more devices for a child who has a problem moderating his tech usage?

This is a you not wanting to be the bad guy problem, not ask a neighbour to go to all that trouble so you don't have to parent your child properly problem.

Only on mumsnet are people this entitled... or so it seems.

Why does an 8yo need his own laptop?

Doesn't it automatically get stored in devices once you access it once? 🤷‍♀️

Or, again, the OP can take responsibility for her own son and put the limitations on his laptop/phone/iPad/whatever.

Parent your child instead of expecting others to change the environment around him.

This thread is bonkers.

I wouldn’t change my password either simply because I’d then have to spend ages changing everything that’s connected to the WiFi including all the consoles, and also regular visitors will have to change their password too. I’d be thinking “What a cheeky ducker take control of your son”.

I don’t understand why he can’t just connect to your WiFi, why is he connecting to the hotspot?!

I think if it’s escalated to screaming over screen time, at 8yo it’s all gone tits up. You might not like this OP - but give him a little freedom. Sneaking around at this age is not a good sign but it’s also a sign that perhaps you need to loosen the reigns a little. Parental controls are so straightforward now, you can limit pretty much whatever you want to. Just be a responsible parent about it

He's 8! Man up and take away his laptop at night-time!

If I was her, I’d want to stop your son accessing her internet. She has no control over what he’s looking at and anything inappropriate would be traced back to her IP address. This might be a good conversation to have with her….

YABU but neighbor is also BU for claiming changing the password is too complicated, it takes about 2 minutes to do it

And then ages to change each device. I have around 50 devices connected to mine so that would be a right pita.

I assume your child has some additional needs that explain this behaviour. None the less you do need to take away his laptop, as others have said.