To find school rule silly?

[Skymum36]

So DD is in year 1. Last year in reception we were allowed to take the children to their class as it was right next to the gate in the playground. However, from year 1 onwards, the classrooms go further into the school and we are supposed to drop them in the playground so that they can walk theirselves to the classrooms. I think it was introduced during Covid as parents with older siblings have said it’s only been a thing the last couple of years, however they have apparently kept it on to ‘promote independence’.
I would have no issue with this, except from the fact that DD and numerous other children seem to get really anxious about going in by theirselves and there are tears every morning, yet the head teacher/teachers will not let parents past the gate to make sure that they are ok. Another students mum told me that it was affecting her son’s morning to the point he didn’t want to go to school because it made him anxious in the morning. I find myself struggling at the gate every day now trying to convince DD to walk in but she just gets upset and refuses and asks me to take her, I then have to wait for a teacher to spot me struggling so that they will walk her in. There has been quite a few heated debates between parents and teachers from where they literally point blank will not let parents past (yet it’s fine on pick up?).
The thing is I know it isn’t that big of a deal to some, but the majority of them are still only 5 years old. DD is quite an anxious child, and I just feel like this little rule sets her up for the day wrong when it wouldn’t change a thing to just be able to walk them in.
Is it a rule in anyone else’s school? AIBU to think it just seems a bit unneeded?

My point was, that the OP is suggesting everyone waits outside and lines up together...so for the entire 20 minutes that children arrive, they all have to stay outside, along with every teacher (as they would all need supervising) for 20 minutes, until everyone had arrived then line up and go in all together. Which would be ridiculous 🤷‍♀️
Why is this ridiculous? This is a v normal set up in many schools in Ireland. They go in from 8.30, a teacher supervises the playground and at 9 the bell rings and they all line up. It's a lovely start to the day.
OP I say again, I think it's unusual enough that that number of Y2 are upset going in and it would make me wonder. You say your dd was upset in preschool (and again in Reception?) Three years and still finding separation hard is tooth going for you both and I'd be tackling that. Is she OK in other separation contexts? Social stories, or even oral pre-telling of the plan is a great idea.

I agree with this.

And they will continue to be anxious if you keep pandering to them every morning! Just be kind but firm, Mummy has to go now, school is what we're doing now and just go. Stop letting them control the narrative. The teachers don't have time to be backwards and forwards for half an hour because your precious darlings have never been told that things happen now, now when they want them to 🙄

That is normal op 🌺

Absolutely agree, children should be going in the direction of independence and so do stuff alone.
Back then to let children of 6 go to school alone is a big no but a 7/8 years old needing to be dropped at the door class is a cause of concern.

She will be fine op, let her go 🌺

laraitopbanana · Today 18:21

"That is normal op "

I don't think it's that normal to have no one on the gate at all , especially in a primary school. I taught in secondary schools for years and we always had to do gate duty. In fact there were a number of gates all manned by a teacher.

Same in all 3 primary schools my kids have attended over the years. In fact even my reception dc now we just take to the corridor door. They walk to their classes

Same age but in Scotland.
our school, everyone turns up by 8.55, some are playing in the playground already. First bell 8.58 and kids all line up in their classes (different years have different doors to enter) anf then 2nd bell 9am. Teacher comes out and takes the line inside.

any school I went to or any of my children have gone to have been the same.

must be an easier way for them all at your school! Perhaps take on board any ideas from here and suggest at a PTA meeting or send an email

I'd be delighted to drop my GC at the gate. As it is I have to wait for up to 15 minutes.

Except for first few days in reception we never walked our children into school. I work in. MAT and as far as I know non of our primaries do either. Children do need to work in their independence and I think allowing this for di long in reception has made this harder to correct. How long would you want this to go on for? Did you collect from the classroom at the end of the day?

Standard in many primaries. Many mums would walk their kids to their desk if they were allowed (and hang around criticising teachers if they were allowed to as well)

Normal at my DCs primary from Reception. We hand the children to teachers on the village green; they're escorted by the teachers across the road into the school gates & left to walk to class. If a child is having a hard time the teacher will walk them into class & parents can go if absolutely necessary; but it's discouraged as apparently the children are generally much calmer in the classroom without parents than with.

Standard practice is to drop children at the playground where they are escorted in by staff, I've never heard of parents taking children to the classroom before. From a safeguarding perspective, having just pupils and staff in the building makes it far easier to keep them safe and means less chaos in the corridors.
It sounds like your child may be picking up on your worries about it which could feed into their worries. I know it's hard especially if you were used to something different, but try and keep calm and casual. Perhaps try some distraction techniques, can they find a buddy to go in with or show you their best "grown up walk" as they go in? Best of luck, this won't last forever.

We don't take the children in the classroom but we do take them right up to their door. My youngest is 8 and she would really struggle with being dropped at the gate as some.mornings it takes 10 mins to talk her into going in at all!
Even during covid we still took them to their door. Makes me sad to think of dd struggling and not being allowed near her to comfort her.

I thought all schools did this? It’s about resilience and confidence building.

You continue to make my point by your protestations.and response. Pure gold.

I think anything that encourages independence is a good thing. We have so many kids who struggle with anxiety. As someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety before I’ve purposely pushed DD when she’s felt anxious to get on with it. Too much adversity and no experience of adversity are equally damaging imo.

Best thing OP is tell her she can do it and keep referring back to the fact that she managed it and she was fine. Build that resilience, don’t encourage fragility.

I have some experience of this it took me 4 months, twice a week, to get my DD into an extracurricular class. It was hard, there was lots of crying but she did it and we had an example of how she overcame her fear. So I could always say “remember when you were scared of x and then you gave it a go and you loved it”. Don’t give up and don’t feed the anxiety, communicate that you trust her to be competent and her ability to handle the situation. Instead of chats about her feelings have chats about how you know she’s capable and she can definitely do it.

This

Mine have had to do since age 3.5 and in pre school after a few days they were perfectly fine

I work in a school and this is how we do it, it’s because of safeguarding.

At our school parents take kids to the classroom for the first few weeks of reception only, then after the half term its drop at playground gate & go.

To be honest the more you acknowledge and "validate" them fussing about going in the more you confirm to them that its anything to worry about, when it isn't. Just make light of it and distract her, suggest she walk in with a classmate.

It's standard practice to drop in the playground after year 1.

Am interested in your use of the word "anxious ' though. How does a year 1 child know that term and to use it to try and describe how they're feeling?

Or is it the parents pathologising children feeling a bit nervous?

This is a covid cohort so their resilience is very low. It's good they are being taught to be independent.

This is exactly the same at any Scottish schools I've taught in - and that's quite a few.
We were always told that schools are not obliged to provide any supervision until 8.50 so any children who appear before then, just play in the playground. I've actually seen children arriving at 8.15. Two PSAs come out at 8.50 to supervise the children but none are allowed into school before the bell rings.

If it's raining, the children are allowed into their classes (little ones) with PSAs checking on them and the older ones go into the hall.

I'm missing something. How is making a child do something for weeks when they're crying and saying they don't want to go in better than working with them to help them not want to cry when they go in?
Giving them the tools to help themselves later is better imho than teaching them it's not worth showing me they're sad because I'm just going to make them do it anyway.

Oh for goodness sake are we raising children who can't even walk a Ross a school playground on their own now Back in the day children walked from home to school by themselves!