To find school rule silly?

[Skymum36]

So DD is in year 1. Last year in reception we were allowed to take the children to their class as it was right next to the gate in the playground. However, from year 1 onwards, the classrooms go further into the school and we are supposed to drop them in the playground so that they can walk theirselves to the classrooms. I think it was introduced during Covid as parents with older siblings have said it’s only been a thing the last couple of years, however they have apparently kept it on to ‘promote independence’.
I would have no issue with this, except from the fact that DD and numerous other children seem to get really anxious about going in by theirselves and there are tears every morning, yet the head teacher/teachers will not let parents past the gate to make sure that they are ok. Another students mum told me that it was affecting her son’s morning to the point he didn’t want to go to school because it made him anxious in the morning. I find myself struggling at the gate every day now trying to convince DD to walk in but she just gets upset and refuses and asks me to take her, I then have to wait for a teacher to spot me struggling so that they will walk her in. There has been quite a few heated debates between parents and teachers from where they literally point blank will not let parents past (yet it’s fine on pick up?).
The thing is I know it isn’t that big of a deal to some, but the majority of them are still only 5 years old. DD is quite an anxious child, and I just feel like this little rule sets her up for the day wrong when it wouldn’t change a thing to just be able to walk them in.
Is it a rule in anyone else’s school? AIBU to think it just seems a bit unneeded?

I think the idea of letting them all be in the playground then lining up together sounds like a much better option, as at the moment they just walk alone through the school to the classroom.

Have tried waiting for a friend but she just says she wants me, not sure how to go about it as nothing I say seems to help right now. Hopefully it will pass 🙏🏼 thank you everyone x

Totally normal for us and never a problem. The issue here is the children's distress going in rather than the rule imo. Why are they so anxious I wonder? I'd have thought they'd be trotting in no problem at this stage of their second year.

I wasn’t walked to my classroom - parents had to drop off at the school gate from reception. My brother wasn’t either. Does she have a friend in her class that you could meet up with at the gates - then they could walk in together? They’d soon forget you!

My autistic, school refusing teen has quite a lot to say now about things that happened at primary school in the name of independence and resilience.

He's recovering now in a specialist placement.

Always been like that in the schools my children went too, at the end of the day too. My eldest is almost 20 so definitely was a thing before Covid.

Is she anxious and nervous once she's in school? Or is she fine?

Think it's worth trying to unpick and understand what the issue is. Most children are fine walking in by year 1.

I feel like the solution to this is firstly to see if there are any practical things making her worried (struggling to get her coat off/hang up her things), to reassure her that she can definitely do it by herself and then to practice in other similar situations so she can become less anxious about doing it on her own.

If it was a couple of times a year when she was very tired and overwrought it would be different. But the solution to being anxious about stuff isn't to avoid the situation, pretty much no matter how old or young you are.b

I think this too. My sons went to different schools for year 1 and the parents all wandering in, milling about, and fussing about coats and pegs, grabbing the teacher was chaotic and much more unsettled. The other school they lined up by thidr teacher in the playground and walked in, in a line. It was so calm.

We drop off and handover to a teacher at the gate at my child’s preschool. Surely it would be a right pain with parents coming and going through the corridors right up to the classroom? I agree with the school that it’s good for independence! But if there are individual pupils who struggle with anxiety or are having an anxious time, something should be put in place for them as individuals for example parents taking them into the school office where they can be met by their teacher or a TA?

DDs school is completely the opposite.

All the classrooms have an external door, and the DC are dropped to that door. (No parents allowed in the building at all).

The class teacher stands by the door as they come in and is there specifically so parents can speak to them, same at pick up.

Headteacher stands by the gate into the school, saying good morning to everyone, so you can talk to them too if you need to. It works really well.

Our school allows this, I haven't even thought of it until know. You can walk them right to the door, watch them play a bit and leave. Our head is there to greet parents and kids and chat if you need to as well.

Ok if you actually want to go inside the building I can see that’s impossible for them to facilitate. I was picturing you wanted a playground goodbye. It’s chaotic inside with lots of adults around (my own child’s school anxiety improved markedly once the circus of 29 adults, plus siblings, granny etc all got told to stay outside) plus even in the last couple of years I can see security in school has tightened up and ours would want every adult to sign in through the office before setting foot in the building and to wear a lanyard, which is hardly practical.

I would expect an adult to greet them and walk them in tho, rather than expecting them to walk through the playground, in the door and through the school building in dribs and drabs alone.

At our primary school in Scotland parents don't take children into the playground. They send the children in and if they want to watch them go into school they stand outside on the pavement behind a small fence. Parents take their child into the classroom on the first day of school when they start P1 and that is it.

From a teacher's point of view, who wants random adults wandering around the school every morning?

Seems a bit mad that some English school think it's hugely risky to have 10 year olds walking 5 minutes to school alone, but are OK with lots of adults coming into the building every morning.

At my DCs school yr 1 you take them to the playground and they line up and their teacher meets them to take them in. Yr 2 you take them to the playground and their classes are immediately off the playground so they take themselves in from there.

They are still very little in yr 1 but most seem ready by yr 2.

In my childrens school we take them to the door of class room and the teachers are waiting for them. Teacher available for 15 mins in morning if you need a quick word and on pick up 2 times a week for 30 mins. Headteacher always on gate, sencos in playground if you need them. Very small infant school less than 70 children. Junior school next door have same policy around 80 children in there.

If your DD is struggling to go into school and is upset, then ask for her class teacher to give you a ring and explain the situation and see what solutions there might be, rather than struggling on. I doubt you’d change the policy, I prefer drop and run as a parent, when parents crowd the classroom door or all try and speak to the teacher it doesn’t make for a calm start when they should be focussing on the children. (And I’m trying to get past them to get DD in to sprint off to work!)

It's absolutely usual in my experience.

Even in the special school that I taught at, the vast majority of children found their way to the classroom on their own from the bus. One of my team would be on the path to greet my class and pick up any messages from the minibus escorts, but then virtually all the children would walk through the school independently and I met them at the classroom door. These were 5-7 year old children.

Yes so in DD school there is access around the outside of the whole school which leads to the external doors of each classrooms, which is where we wait outside during pick up! But even I can imagine the carnage that would follow with parents actually entering inside in the mornings 🫣

But what you’ve said is just exactly how I feel about the situation. There isn’t any help offered, no compromises, no one waiting at the gate to help students in, and just the attitude from the school of ‘it creates independence’ when asked about the situation. Yet from my point of view it’s just creating anxieties! 😬

At my DD's old school parents weren't even allowed in through the main gate onto the school grounds, including for reception children apart from literally their first day.

I understand they didn't want parents taking up loads of the teachers' time in the morning but it was a bit much to not even let you step foot onto the grounds with your four year old who was on day 2 of school.

It’s anyway not anyways 😂

Do you mean take your child in to the building or is there an external door to drop off at each classroom? If there’s an external door, then I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I take mine to the door. I wouldn’t expect to be allowed in the building though.

I would recommend creating a social story for your child-you might heard of them before but just in case you haven’t, here’s a link. They are often recommended for children with autism but actually are great for any child struggling with anxiety.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/communication/communication-tools/social-stories-and-comic-strip-coversations

Day 1 of reception when DD2 started school! The vast majority went on the school bus.

It was a lot calmer than the mayhem of DD1s drop off, which was daily tears due to adults pushing around the classroom door.

Seriously, the role of parents is to encourage independence, not restrict it. No wonder children are so anxious now.

Your DD will be picking up on your anxiety and unhappiness with the rule, and probably hearing your conversations with the other mums.

My children were dropped at the gate from the second or third week of school. I never saw a kid get anxious about it. It was a given, the parents were all bright and breezy about it, and they got time in the playground with their friends before school started.

Maybe arrange for her to go in with a friend for a few days? And just relax and give her confidence.

I definitely worded it wrong so my fault, but when I said walk through the school I meant walk through it round the outside. Can understand why they wouldn’t want everyone inside, would = pure chaos 😅