Caused a scene in a cafe today. Now wondering if we were unreasonable

[pennytoffees]

I'll start off by saying I'm welsh, born and bred and speak the language as does my entire family.

We visited (my mother and I) a local cafe today and had such an awful experience. We haven't been there in years but don't remember it being that bad. We don't sound welsh and spoke to them in English so they obviously assumed that we were tourists. They were very cold towards us.

Anyway, we placed our order and another staff member brought the food over to us. We asked for some sauces to which she replied "go and ask her" and then pointed to the woman at the till. There was a queue and we didn't want the food to go cold so asked her if she could get us some. She gave me a filthy look but reluctantly handed them over. I just want to add that at no point did she say that the sauces cost extra so we just presumed that they were free like most cafes/restaurants. It turns out that they weren't (to be honest I think it's pretty greedy charging customers for sachets of sauce when they've spent £14 on a meal and I don't know any other local businesses that do it but thats another argument). We would have paid with no issues had she explained that to us.

The main issue is that she came over to a couple sat behind us and started talking about us in Welsh thinking that we didn't understand. Funnily enough they asked for some sauces and she gave them for free but when we asked it was an issue. The only difference is they were clearly locals. At this point we'd had enough so I asked to speak with the manager and she asked me "why, is there a problem?". I said "yes but I'm not discussing it with you". Anyway, he came over and I explained what had happened. She was on the other side of the counter and came over and said "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you". She wasn't close enough to hear us talking so obviously knew what she had done wrong and was just trying to cover her tracks.

He apologised and we left it at that, didn't even finish our food as we felt so uncomfortable. To be honest I don't think he knew what to do but after reading the reviews online, it's clearly a regular occurrence and he doesn't care how his staff behaves or treats customers. It was embarrassing as everyone was looking at us. We don't like confrontation or causing trouble but felt we had to confront her. I believe we would have been treated differently had they known we were welsh. I was actually embarrassed to be welsh to be honest. They forget it's the tourists keeping them in business.

AIBU? Would you have confronted her or just walked away?

Mine is gone 😢

Me too, I’ve reported it twice as well as some individual posts for xenophobia. The posts have been deleted but somehow not the thread. Even though the OP most likely made the story up, encouraged a load of Welsh bashing and buggered off

You haven’t said you think it’s unacceptable have you

I'm not sure she buggered off. I think she might have a sock puppet on here...

That’s nothing to do with me and most English people. It doesn’t make it acceptable for Welsh people to be anti-English. Just as it wouldn’t be acceptable for me to be anti-Welsh based on the anti-English comments I had directed at me as a child.

Yes they really should delete it as the anti-English xenophobia on this thread is shocking.

But it seems to be OK fo the English to be anti-Welsh.

yeah agreed and can people stop dragging black people/POC into these kind of scenarios as a comparison. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I find it really annoying and almost seems to suggest that POC don’t face a lot of everyday, casual and extreme prejudice even now. Race riots 2024 anyone?

The people who do this sort of comparison never seem to care about actual incidents of racism and are just using “Black people” as a lazy comparison to score points in their own argument.

Of course it isn’t acceptable for the English to be anti-Welsh. I’ve made it clear it isn’t.

Read the thread @Antsy123 .

Then later as a young mother camping in anglesey I went to local grocers shop to buy provisions and was completely blanked. Till I had to leave empty handed. Nowhere else in the world have I been treated with such hostility.

Not on Anglesey either. This is another ridiculous, made up story.

In the real world, a grocer shop local to a campsite on Anglesey will rely heavily on business from that campsite to remain viable. To suggest they would refuse to serve a young mother, or anyone else staying on the campsite is beyond ridiculously, side-achingly absurd. You really must try harder.

I don’t think it’s acceptable for people to be anti-Welsh or anti any other nationality. But I didn’t say anti-Welsh people don’t exist. There are Welsh people who are anti-English and there are English people who are anti-Welsh. I’ve seen xenophobia towards both Welsh and English people on this thread and neither are ok. There are a number of Welsh posters on this thread who are simply refusing to believe that any Welsh people are anti-English at all (one poster called me a liar for simply sharing my experiences as an English child growing up in wales), or are justifying anti-English sentiment based on something other people did. The hypocrisy is breathtaking.

I'm in West Wales & there's occasional shops we go in that are clearly anti English, start talking in Welsh straight away as soon as they know you're English. Basically what happens is you don't go in again & they lose trade. It's sheer ignorance & small minded people.
I think you did well I'd have wanted to tip a table & demand a refund. In Welsh.

🙄

What part of West Wales is this?

Not me @Antsy123 .

@Nextdoor55 , what do they speak before you walk in? How do you know?

Eugh start talking Welsh.

You mean they talk to their Welsh customer / friend in their native and natural language of Welsh.

Glad to hear you’re not anti-English.

I've done the same @Poppins21

Rolling your eyes doesn’t mean it’s not true. I’ve been called a liar on this thread for stating my experiences of anti-English comments directed at me as an English child growing up in wales. Fortunately mumsnet deleted the post as it was xenophobic towards English people.

I mean as soon as you say "hello" they immediately start talking in Welsh & continue even if you've bought something. Fair enough but it's like making a point, "you're in Wales" not "you're in a shop", it feels like being Welsh oversteps everything.
It does happen I have a friend who is a police officer & went into a bakery in plain clothes, started slating him in Welsh, he of course understood everything. They got a proper bollicking as you can imagine.
It does happen more frequently than you think. Sad really that anyone feels the need to do this ever.

No directly to me,

I am not defending that. I had to endure plenty of anti-Welsh insults during my decades living and working in England. Much of it in the workplace.

Glad to hear you’re not defending it and I’m sorry to hear you had anti-Welsh insults directed at you in England. There’s no excuse for xenophobia against any nationality.

What part of West Wales is this? My roots are in the Carmarthenshire/Ceredigion border and whenever I go back it’s increasingly rare to find any Welsh speakers working in shops or pubs. I speak Welsh and get “sorry, don’t speak Welsh”.