Caused a scene in a cafe today. Now wondering if we were unreasonable

[pennytoffees]

I'll start off by saying I'm welsh, born and bred and speak the language as does my entire family.

We visited (my mother and I) a local cafe today and had such an awful experience. We haven't been there in years but don't remember it being that bad. We don't sound welsh and spoke to them in English so they obviously assumed that we were tourists. They were very cold towards us.

Anyway, we placed our order and another staff member brought the food over to us. We asked for some sauces to which she replied "go and ask her" and then pointed to the woman at the till. There was a queue and we didn't want the food to go cold so asked her if she could get us some. She gave me a filthy look but reluctantly handed them over. I just want to add that at no point did she say that the sauces cost extra so we just presumed that they were free like most cafes/restaurants. It turns out that they weren't (to be honest I think it's pretty greedy charging customers for sachets of sauce when they've spent £14 on a meal and I don't know any other local businesses that do it but thats another argument). We would have paid with no issues had she explained that to us.

The main issue is that she came over to a couple sat behind us and started talking about us in Welsh thinking that we didn't understand. Funnily enough they asked for some sauces and she gave them for free but when we asked it was an issue. The only difference is they were clearly locals. At this point we'd had enough so I asked to speak with the manager and she asked me "why, is there a problem?". I said "yes but I'm not discussing it with you". Anyway, he came over and I explained what had happened. She was on the other side of the counter and came over and said "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you". She wasn't close enough to hear us talking so obviously knew what she had done wrong and was just trying to cover her tracks.

He apologised and we left it at that, didn't even finish our food as we felt so uncomfortable. To be honest I don't think he knew what to do but after reading the reviews online, it's clearly a regular occurrence and he doesn't care how his staff behaves or treats customers. It was embarrassing as everyone was looking at us. We don't like confrontation or causing trouble but felt we had to confront her. I believe we would have been treated differently had they known we were welsh. I was actually embarrassed to be welsh to be honest. They forget it's the tourists keeping them in business.

AIBU? Would you have confronted her or just walked away?

@Nextdoor55 , so you walk into a shop in Wales and the staff are chatting to each other or serving customers in English, then as soon as you say 'Hello' they deduce that you didn't say 'Helo' and start speaking Welsh to make you feel unwelcome?

I still disbelieve you. Not because you’re English but because you refuse to give any context. They also deleted one of your posts so you must be xenophobic as well. Considering MNHQ has let this
thread run, one that’s not even trying to hide the distain of Welsh people and language, evidently they have no problem with xenophobia in general.

We learn French or German or Spanish in school. I can get by in France and order meals etc even with my appalling accent. But we don't learn Welsh, Urdu, Hindu or any of the other languages spoken in this country including, most importantly I think, sign language. Perhaps we ought to learn how to respond when greeted in those languages as a minimum or something to acknowledge a person when they speak to us. From what I understood from my DC PHSL or whatever they are called are not that informative a lesson, perhaps once a month learn something in a different language😀

Again calling people racist when talking about the English. We’re all British, you’re not a separate race and calling people racist for any slight indiscretion you feel has been made against your Englishness doesn’t paint you in a good light at all.

And no they didn’t delete one of my posts because I’m xenophobic. They did it because I called you out for what you are and you didn’t like being called out for what you are and you asked them to delete it.

Never reported your post, you’re more than welcome to ask them 🤷‍♀️. Unless offensive beyond reason, I don’t report posts as even the most robust discussion should be available to see as far as I’m concerned. Your individual posts are nothing compared to most of this thread’s foulness towards the Welsh and our language.

And calling someone a racist may be your opinion, but you are using that word without any bases. By calling people racist with no bases, it makes the word pointless. You may as well call me ableist and homophobic whilst you’re at it for all the sense it makes in the context of this thread. I’ve also not been xenophobic either, not taking what you say at full fave value is not xenophobic.

@Nextdoor55 could you tell me where you are in West Wales? Not your exact location just a rough idea?

I have reported this post.

I have seen nothing in LostTheMarble's posts that justify your vile words.

I have reported this post as well.

You ought to care about how people dislike such unpleasant "opinions".

You are 100% wrong there. I reported that post as it was a nasty, personal attack. It was deleted for breaking talk guidelines.

You can check with MNHQ.

Thank you @WedieieniaifaguarYnysMon and @foxandbee .

@Antsy123 perhaps we should leave any further interactions with each other, before one of us gets put on the naughty step. Evidently there are strong feelings on both sides, but ‘hateful’ is not the Anglesey and people I have known my whole life.

I read this last night and felt the OP was on a wind up tbh. I am shocked to see it still standing. Some of the comments simply confirm why the English are seen as arrogant and are universally disliked and mocked.

I am not happy to have said that but the ease with which some posters have poured their scorn for Wales and the Welsh is deeply unpleasant.

I'll say this too, I live in a EU country and work takes me all over. The fondness for The Irish, Scots and Welsh is almost always categorical, in the same measure as a general disdain for the English. Do I like it? No. But I understand it, this whole thread reminds me why.

My friends mom is Welsh and speaks it fluently (my mom is also Welsh but this hasn’t happened to her so far. We’ve never had anything but positive experiences in Wales).

Friends mom was in a shop in Wales years ago with some of her kids and the kids (who were born in Birmingham and speak English). There were 2 women in the queue who were slagging her kids off, in Welsh.

She turned round to them and told them off in Welsh. The women looked gobsmacked and super embarrassed.

So no YANBU for challenging them about how you were treated.

But you absolutely should have turned round told her what you thought of her in WELSH 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

I dont believe you. I think you’re a liar.

A lot of the posts on here confirm why people don’t like visiting wales.

I don’t believe that hateful is not the anglesey and people you have known. Just as you don’t believe me.

You’ve clearly got a massive issue with Welsh people and their language judging by how you keep incessantly commenting. The Welsh posters on this thread are posting to defend our culture, country and language from the xenophobic comments you can see throughout the thread. It’s fine if you don’t want to visit our country. But there’s no need to continue to post constantly with your negatively and rudeness about it. Your posts have been deleted due to their nature and yet you continue to post.

I am entitled to my opinion, and no I do not care what you think of my opinion. Just as the previous poster is entitled to her unpleasant opinion that I am a liar for stating truthfully my experience of anti-English comments directed at me as an English child growing up in England.

Nope. I’ve stated many times that I think anti Welsh sentiment is unacceptable. I do have an issue with posters calling me a liar for saying I experienced anti-English comments as a child growing up in England. That is all. If people continue to cal me a liar then I will continue to post calling them out on it.

Ok 👍

That’s because her post was deleted. The one in which she accused me of lying about my experiences as a child.

What do you think she is lying about?

Last time I’m saying this - yes I do find it very difficult to believe that someone just announced to you that they ‘hate all English people’ out of absolutely nothing, especially with zero context. It’s fine if you don’t want to elaborate further but considering how you have been on here, it does make me wonder how willing you were to integrate at any point with Welsh people and culture when you lived there. The only time I’ve seen Welsh people’s backs put up is when English people move over and absolutely refuse to learn the basics of the language or are rude about us speaking it ourselves or our way of living. However your experience is your own to speak about, evidently you think little of all Welsh people and the country to the point of believing us racist (still not).