Caused a scene in a cafe today. Now wondering if we were unreasonable

[pennytoffees]

I'll start off by saying I'm welsh, born and bred and speak the language as does my entire family.

We visited (my mother and I) a local cafe today and had such an awful experience. We haven't been there in years but don't remember it being that bad. We don't sound welsh and spoke to them in English so they obviously assumed that we were tourists. They were very cold towards us.

Anyway, we placed our order and another staff member brought the food over to us. We asked for some sauces to which she replied "go and ask her" and then pointed to the woman at the till. There was a queue and we didn't want the food to go cold so asked her if she could get us some. She gave me a filthy look but reluctantly handed them over. I just want to add that at no point did she say that the sauces cost extra so we just presumed that they were free like most cafes/restaurants. It turns out that they weren't (to be honest I think it's pretty greedy charging customers for sachets of sauce when they've spent £14 on a meal and I don't know any other local businesses that do it but thats another argument). We would have paid with no issues had she explained that to us.

The main issue is that she came over to a couple sat behind us and started talking about us in Welsh thinking that we didn't understand. Funnily enough they asked for some sauces and she gave them for free but when we asked it was an issue. The only difference is they were clearly locals. At this point we'd had enough so I asked to speak with the manager and she asked me "why, is there a problem?". I said "yes but I'm not discussing it with you". Anyway, he came over and I explained what had happened. She was on the other side of the counter and came over and said "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you". She wasn't close enough to hear us talking so obviously knew what she had done wrong and was just trying to cover her tracks.

He apologised and we left it at that, didn't even finish our food as we felt so uncomfortable. To be honest I don't think he knew what to do but after reading the reviews online, it's clearly a regular occurrence and he doesn't care how his staff behaves or treats customers. It was embarrassing as everyone was looking at us. We don't like confrontation or causing trouble but felt we had to confront her. I believe we would have been treated differently had they known we were welsh. I was actually embarrassed to be welsh to be honest. They forget it's the tourists keeping them in business.

AIBU? Would you have confronted her or just walked away?

Just wow. Perhaps if you were treated so badly by everyone you came across, the issue is not with everyone else, but with you.

What? Nothing to do with English people alive today? I can assure you that there are Welsh people alive today who remember the use of the Welsh Not, particularly in Carmarthenshire and Pembrokeshire (which incidentally is where the rudest, most entitled people I've ever encountered come from a particular area to retire).

The effects of the eradication of our language and culture are very prominent today. As many of the comments on this thread prove.

So you went to one wedding in one part of Wales and you’ve written off an entire nation?

As pp said perhaps the problem is with you.

Am not British myself, my husband is English and will say have found the English very tolerant of other nationalities, such a shame that the Welsh can’t be.

Funny, not the Welsh who are in the news for race riots, the Welsh didn’t vote in Reform MPs, not the Welsh who verbally attack their young black football players if crucial penalties are missed, @Straycats . Tolerant to a very small point I’d say.

I would have asked the manager the name of the waitress and told him I intended to report this to the police as a hate incident. Would have been interesting to see what happened then.

it would be very interesting to see the response of the police to ‘they thought the sauce was free’ being said in Welsh reported to them

I'm trying to work out if you're serious

They were treated differently and negatively because they spoke English. It’s not about sauce, it’s about ethnic prejudice. And the only definition of a hate incident is that the victim feels that it happened.

Get a massive grip.

You don’t think treating people differently according to perceived ethic origin is a big deal? Imagine if only people of a different colour had to pay for sauce.

Suppose only Black people had to pay for sauce?

If you were in France and a French person said something about you in French that you happened to understand, would you report that to the French police as a hate crime?

A hate crime for saying “those people thought the sauces where free” in their own language.

boggling.

Now if they had said something about her being a English knob head or something just for daring to enter you might be on to something but they wanted free sauce in Welsh in wales not so much 🤣

I would so love to see that police report. ‘It was reported that a woman and her mother asked for sauces and were told to get them from the till. The woman and her mother continued to ask the waitress for the condiments until the waitress gave in, despite there being an extra cost. Waitress then muttered irritation to known customers about the woman and her mother. The CPS suggests a minimum 20 year sentence for this heinous crime.’.

But we don't actually know that they didn't pay. They might have paid and forgot to pick them up. OP would have to have been watching very carefully to know what actually happened

They are not a different ethnic origin though. They are both white British. So it's not racist. And racism isn't that simple anyway. It's about the balance of power historically and currently.

But the op is Welsh and was expected to pay for sauces, what’s your point?

It’s a Welsh lady saying to another Welsh lady ‘they thought the sauce was free’ in Welsh.

@Straycats , if I said 'I went to England once and shop staff and hotel staff were rude to me. This is because every single English person is rude and intolerant. ', what would you think?

That is pretty much what you are saying about the Welsh.

OMG this is terrible. I’m English and live on Anglesey, I’m learning Welsh (4 th year and it’s difficult but a beautiful language) wow how rude! I want to know where this is so I can avoid.
incredible that they assumed you couldn’t speak/understand Welsh. Name and shame them please

Hang on, there's no mention of race anywhere. OP had a spat with a waitress because she refused to get sauces and then was brought some for free albeit grudgingly.

She then spoke to a different couple (in a language the OP understood about her), which was a bit rude, but giving the Welsh speaking people sauces for free was only the same treatment that OP got.

OP has declared, with a reach tbh, that if she had spoken Welsh then she would have got the sauces for free with less of a fuss. Hate crime? Or entitled person refusing to get their own sauce and calling the person (the same race as her), a racist as a result.

Which bit is incredible? Perhaps the waitress did know they could speak Welsh and was glad they understood. They didn’t treat the waitress well, demanding free sauce to be brought over.

The op was supposed to pay for the sauce after speaking English but the Welsh speakers didn’t have to pay. It’s no different from asking Black customers to pay but saying for white people it’s on the house.

But it was on the house for both of them.