To be annoyed at my neighbour?

[PeachHog]

Moved into a lovely semi detached, private rented, 18 months ago. Have 2 kids 7 and 10, it's fair to say that we've not been the quietest family. Like many we argue most days, kids play loudly, and we probably haven't been as aware of noise as we should have been. There's a single mother next door with a teenage daughter. DH put a dartboard up on adjoing wall a few weeks ago, however he didnt realise it would be heard by next door until we could hear her turn the music up whenever he was throwing darts.

However, this is what annoyed me - instead of coming to talk to us, she's went directly to the landlord to complain about the unreasonable level of noise and the dartboard! Landlord's now annoyed we didn't agree this with him first (we should have) and now im terrified we're at risk of losing our home. Aibu to think that even though we were in the wrong, she should have come to us first instead of going directly to the landlord? I had no idea she even knew him.

I'd probably have gone straight to the landlord too. Tenants can change often, why are you surprised she has a relationship with the person who actually owns the neighbouring property?

If you “argue most days” (which is not remotely normal, btw), I would not want to approach you directly to speak to you either..!

You absolutely should have asked permission to put a dartboard up in someone’s property.

(Do many argue most days? We don’t 🤷‍♀️)

It's actually not that normal to be arguing every day or have your DC screaming when playing

You need to exercise more control

“Like many we argue most days”

This really isn’t normal.

You argue most days, loud enough to be heard next door? That's not normal.

I’d also have gone directly to the landlord. It’s their job to hold the tenants accountable for the letting rules of not causing nuisance.

Agree with this. You sound like nightmare neighbours, arguing, loud children and a dartboard to top it off. I would go an apologse profusely and try nad be a better neighbour.

No you are firmly in the wrong

You sound like awful neighbours :(

I don't recognise your normal...

You sound nightmare neighbours. In real life many people don't go round to their neighbours, who they don't know, who can be heard arguing every day, to complain about the noise they're making....for obvious reasons

Christ, I'm a moody cow, but arguing most days is not normal!

Your poor neighbours, I wouldn't have approached you either.

All you can do is apologise profusely, say you didn't realise the noise was carrying, and quieten the fuck down!

You can’t be serious. No it’s not normal to argue most days and why would anyone put a dart board on an adjoining wall. That’s ludicrous.

she isn’t the problem. You all are. Behave and you keep your home

So you know you're noisy, you've been noisy neighbours for 18 months, and have now scaled up that noise even further by putting up a dartboard (which you didn't ask for landlord approval for despite knowing you should have) and you think it's the neighbour who is unreasonable?!

Entitled is what you are!

Apologize to your neighbor and take responsibility for your own actions.

I can't believe you thought it was appropriate to put a dartboard on an adjoining wall.

Why would you do that?

And when you noticed her turning the music up when throwing darts at it, surely that was your cue to move it / take it down??

But you just kept going?

Yeah, you don't sound like good neighbours at all. I'm not surprised she didn't approach you directly.

it's fair to say that we've not been the quietest family. Like many we argue most days, kids play loudly, and we probably haven't been as aware of noise as we should have been.

I wouldn't have approached you either, you sound like nightmare neighbours and just the sort of people who wouldn't have cared if a neighbour came round to say the dartboard was an issue, since you clearly didn't care about the noise you and your children were making.

She knows she has no authority over you so went to the person who does.

You noticed she turned up the music when the dartboard was in use so why didn't you move it?

I have lived next door to this shit and it's really bloody annoying, then adding a dart board to a shared wall with endless thudding? I'd talk to your landlord too.

She probably feels uncomfortable coming to speak with you, if she hears lots of arguing then you can't blame her.

Be more respectful, apologise to her. Make sure she knows that it is absolutely fine for her to approach you in the future with any other problems.

I would’ve gone to the landlord as I’d be worried about you arguing with me too if you feel it’s the norm.

If I’ve heard daily arguing I probably wouldn’t be in a hurry to come be next in line for that, I’d have gone straight to landlord as well.

Bloody hell is this a wind up!

Perhaps she felt awkward or afraid of you and your partner or had no confidence but it's up to her not you.

People have their own ways of dealing with things.
At least you know now and can be more considérate.
Dartboard probably wasn't the best idea.

Arguing most days is not remotely normal. It also indicates your chosen style of communication is aggressive and confrontational, so I can totally understand why they chose to speak to your landlord, rather than with you directly.