To be annoyed at my neighbour?

[PeachHog]

Moved into a lovely semi detached, private rented, 18 months ago. Have 2 kids 7 and 10, it's fair to say that we've not been the quietest family. Like many we argue most days, kids play loudly, and we probably haven't been as aware of noise as we should have been. There's a single mother next door with a teenage daughter. DH put a dartboard up on adjoing wall a few weeks ago, however he didnt realise it would be heard by next door until we could hear her turn the music up whenever he was throwing darts.

However, this is what annoyed me - instead of coming to talk to us, she's went directly to the landlord to complain about the unreasonable level of noise and the dartboard! Landlord's now annoyed we didn't agree this with him first (we should have) and now im terrified we're at risk of losing our home. Aibu to think that even though we were in the wrong, she should have come to us first instead of going directly to the landlord? I had no idea she even knew him.

DH uses a stand for his dartboard. Virtually soundless

Get a grip OP and take some responsibility for your actions!! Of course you shouldn’t be putting up dart boards and screaming at each other daily. I’d want you gone too!

oh so tit for tat is ok?

Yes there is! mine are very noisy which is bad enough but they also deal drugs, fly tip, have at least 10 people living there in a two up two diown, use the back yard as a rubbish tip, have broken into my back yard, filled the communal back alley with trash so nobody could get their bins out. They broke the communal entry gate, they broke their front door, they chuck their rubbish out on the street.

I believe in polite, honest, direct action as opposed to tittle-tattle behind someone's back.

To be fair, you and yours do sound like hard work but your neighbour should have at least had the decency to have a quiet word with you before whining to the landlord.

What if the neighbour felt intimidated?

I'm pretty sure many single women would

Not really, but neighbour has escalated something rather than deal with it directly. She's not completely innocent by creating unnecessary noise! Now, even if OP popped round to say something about it (even to apologise) can imagine the neighbour complaining that she's been intimidated.

Like many we argue most days, kids play loudly, and we probably haven't been as aware of noise as we should have been.

Would you want to approach a family that has no awareness that they make too much noise..

Surely you'd know how much the continuous thudding of darts hitting the dart board would make even before you put it up.

Nah, single mother with a teenage daughter. Pretty sure one of them or someone they know could have spoken up without involving the landlord.

Exactly my thoughts. Arguing loudly enough for the neighbours to hear on a daily basis is probably quite intimidating for a single mother to approach.

Sorry if you feel outnumbered here, OP, as it is easy to not notice your children’s loud volume and bickering escalating into being the norm. Unfortunately, and I say this as a parent but also as a former childminder, there really is no real excuse for kids arguing continually and loudly or playing at such a volume that they disturb the neighbours as a norm.

There are ‘indoor’ voices and ‘outdoor’ voices and you need to manage those. Even with outdoor play, kids should be reigned in and reminded that other people are trying to enjoy the weather/their gardens too. If your children are always arguing (ie it has escalated beyond low level bickering when just a bit tired or cranky) and if you are yelling to be heard over it, then I’d recommend looking at a course/book called ‘Parent Craft’ [or similar] to find strategies to prevent the arguing from escalating and enabling you to teach your kids how to respect others in their direct space … and neighbouring ones. I’d take that dart board down pronto and put a hook on an outside/non attached wall for when someone wants to play. Can’t imaging the LL wants to re-plaster/paint to repair the damage caused by missed darts either. ‘Out door’ toys are also a thing.

As a family, it sounds as though your communication styles are clashing, and the kids don’t know how to express their emotions without yelling or bickering, or that you and DH are tired after long working days and have abdicated responsibility for pulling your DC back in line. It’s never too late to address this and the rewards for you as a family will outpace how grateful your neighbours would be.

You sound like nightmare neighbours and your neighbour probably didn't feel comfortable knocking and reeling off a list of complaints. She's probably sick of her life.

So when you heard them turn up the music in response to the dartboard noise, did you move it or stop using it? If not, how can you blame her for going straight to the landlord? Turning up the music was your warning.

Be annoyed, but it makes no difference to your situation, and that's something you brought upon yourselves by being excessively noisy. Learn the lesson and move on.

I would have spoken to you first.
And within 2 weeks of you moving in.

But I am a rare phenomenon on MN it seems because every other thread is with people with noise / parking / fence / issues who will not speak directly to their neighbours because they do not like 'confrontation' . It seems very common for people not to be able to just raise a reasonable issue in a reasonable manner.

And tbf, if you are heard yelling and arguing, that is off-putting. And she is a single female.

Apologise like mad all round. Do nt show your annoyance with your neighbour. Knock on the door with an apology and chocolates. Massive grovelling to landlord.

Then get your house in order. It is not necessary for kids to scream and yell when playing in the house. Be thoughtful, considerate and aware.

I hope it all works out.

Blimey, south east London by any chance? when I lived there someone used to poo outside our back door, massive stinking human poos, beat that if you can.

I wonder why daily arguments and thuds against the wall made her too scared to talk to you.

We had issues with tenants next door at our old house and I found out who the landlord was by finding the previous tenants on FB.

You could buy the title register from the government website, it's only 3 or 4 quid.

Reverse...surely?

Omg! Did you know who it was?

Another person taken aback by your assumption that it’s normal for couples to argue most days. It isn’t normal and if it’s loud enough for the neighbours to hear then your children are hearing it and that’s not a happy way to grow up.

I’m assuming you grew up in a shouty household with fighting parents and that is contributing to the situation you are in now but you can break the chain for your children.

No some poor down and out who had nowhere to go.

You sound like a nightmare and inconsiderate.

You're the neighbour from hell that everyone dreads living next door to, stop being so selfish.

The neighbour acted appropriately. She turned her music up to drown out your (frankly ridiculous) playing darts against the adjoining wall and you did nothing about it. You are totally in the wrong here. Let's hope YOU take action to make amends with both the neighbour and the landlord. You sound difficult neighbours. Yes, kids can be loud but daily arguments and erecting a dartboard in someone else's house and causing additional unnecessary noise is just selfish.

It has to be.