To be annoyed at my neighbour?

[PeachHog]

Moved into a lovely semi detached, private rented, 18 months ago. Have 2 kids 7 and 10, it's fair to say that we've not been the quietest family. Like many we argue most days, kids play loudly, and we probably haven't been as aware of noise as we should have been. There's a single mother next door with a teenage daughter. DH put a dartboard up on adjoing wall a few weeks ago, however he didnt realise it would be heard by next door until we could hear her turn the music up whenever he was throwing darts.

However, this is what annoyed me - instead of coming to talk to us, she's went directly to the landlord to complain about the unreasonable level of noise and the dartboard! Landlord's now annoyed we didn't agree this with him first (we should have) and now im terrified we're at risk of losing our home. Aibu to think that even though we were in the wrong, she should have come to us first instead of going directly to the landlord? I had no idea she even knew him.

You sound like my neighbours. Inconsiderate as fuck
Of all the places to put a dartboard, you hang it on the wall attached to your neighbours house?!

So OP hasn’t come back!

Why don't you re hang the dartboard on an outside wall on a full size sheet of thick insulation board. This will do 2 things a) absorb the thud b) be thick enough to prevent the darts hitting/damaging the wall.
And apologise to the neighbours, invite the teenage girl to meet yours and come round to play.
Don't think I'd want to live next to you though.

And you have the actual gall to be annoyed at your neighbour???!

She didn't come round because she thought you might get aggressive.

OP, that's absolutely bloody ridiculous - a dartboard on the joining wall is OF COURSE going to generate noise next door! And she was right to go to the landlord; it's a scary thought to come round and confront a neighbour, especially ones who are as you state noisy and argue a lot. You sound pretty selfish tbh.

Posted in wrong thread…

You argue most days?!?

really? I don’t remember the last time I argued in my own home. I mean it was probably only a few months ago.

but yeah. She did what she was rightfully able to do. You’ve got to deal with the consequences really. 🤷‍♀️

your neighbour has absolutely no idea how you would react if they had knocked on the door to bring the issue up with you. I used to work in noise nuisance as an eho and know personally of some absolutely horrific reactions to a neighbour just politely knocking. TBH you sound like a bit of nightmare family. its not normal to be arguing all the time and who on earth thought putting a dart board on a party wall wouldnt be noisy?

Its down to you and all of your family to have respect for neighbours and you should be apologising about the dart board and trying to build a relationship with them.

and yes, if you carry on with excessive noise and it constitutes a Statutory Noise Nuisance then your landlord will have to act. and again, yes, arguing constantly can be a Stat noise nuisance and there are no times of day when it is/isnt acceptable if its a stat noise nuisance.

I wouldn’t have spoken to you first either. I would assume anyone so lacking in self awareness and basic consideration for others wouldn’t be capable of taking it on board.

(assuming this isn’t a reverse which would be tedious)

No, Nottingham and while I have not had to cope with poo, someone I know had neighbours who used to poo in the communal entry. They did a flit which is what I am hoping mine will do.

I had a boyfriend for a short time, whose family all shouted and sometimes screamed at each other, he was not really like this, but they were intolerable, and I saw him for only a short time.
They thought their behaviour normal.

Sorry OP, but you sound like a very noisy and inconsiderate family, and I can't blame this woman for not wanting to talk to you directly.
But it's not too late to change. Presumably all of you as a family are agreed in wanting to keep your home, so work together on how you can be quieter. Make it fun for the kids to come up with creative suggestions. Obviously the dart board has to go. How can you stop arguing all the time? Maybe have a rule that if someone is annoyed with someone else, they whisper their complaint, and the angrier they get, the quieter they whisper. You might find that just speaking more softly makes you less angry.
As for the kids playing noisily, you can explain how important it is to keep the noise down and ask them not to raise their voices. If they need to let off steam, can they play outside during the day, preferably in a playground some distance away? If they continue shouting you may need to stop their game until they can carry on more quietly.
Hope it works out for you - it sounds a nice house and moving is such a hassle.

If you are all arguing and generally being loud it can come across as being aggressive so I'm not surprised a lone woman hasn't come round to talk to you about it.

It's incredible that you are annoyed at your neighbour for this but didn't speak to them and apologise when it was evident they had issue with the noise by turning up their music.

Had you knocked, shown some humility and apologised, chances are you could have headed this off but you didn't, you are choosing to blame someone else for your crappy behaviour having consequences.

I would have gone direct to the LL too. By you ignoring the music turn up, you established the type of person you are in that moment. An unreasonable one. How do you think it would have gone if the neighbour had politely asked you to stop with the laundry list of irritations you must be causing? The ones you have listed will be only a fraction.

We grew up in a council house with people next door that drove both my parents to tears on a regular basis with the noise, the endless DIY, motorbikes revving, dogs barking, fucking windchimes and water features
and the rowing.

I remember my Mum walking about with a chenille tablecloth on her head like a turban trying to eliminate the noise.

Eventually the neighbours the other side complained and they were booted out.

It's torture. If you are not hearing it, you are bracing for hearing it. It affects people in the most awful way because they get it at work and then they get it at home as well.

Well, it seems it is either a wind-up or OP is pouting because she did not get the response she was hoping to get.

I would have gone to the landlord as well rather than approach you.
With your arguing f and noisy kids i would have had enough and the darts would have been the fnal straw.
My kids weren't always quiet but we taught them to have 'indoor voices' and to play quiet.and me and dh dont shout or argue with each other. Sure we disagre and get grumpy from time to time but it's well over 25 years since we had a shouting row. The kids can run shouting, make a noise on the moors away from other people.
I would hate you to be my neighbour after I had 'trained' my family to be quiet and restful to each other as well as people around us.

I wouldn't have spoken to a noisy argumentative family.

Like many we argue most days, kids play loudly, and we probably haven't been as aware of noise as we should have been.

You sound like awful neighbours.

Indeed, I would not consider it.

I rented a house that had put a dartboard up in the room which was my daughters bedroom. Unfortunately the darts had gone through the board and put holes in the wall. I put a poster over it temporarily as it looked awful. So I say YABU. Some people don't like confrontation especially people they don't know. With all the awful things we are hearing about in the media I don't blame them.

You put a dartboard on an adjoining wall. Omg. I dread to think what else you think is normal.

It’s not normal to argue most days at all. And since you’ve mentioned it in regards to noise, I’m guessing you mean shouting. If you and their dad are shouting at each other, it’s likely that you’re kids are louder than most kids as shouting is totally normal to them. So, in short, you’re a chaotic shouty family. And then you start chucking darts against the wall.

I wouldn’t come speak to you either, I’d be afraid of the reaction if I’ve spent months listing it your argue “most days.”

How about you stop being so anti-social, consider the level of noise your activities make, and go to counselling to sort out your marriage.

I’ve just realised we have never, not once heard our neighbours or anyone on the street argue in over 4 years we’ve lived here.

What a nightmare for your poor neighbour!

I think this is a wind up thread !