To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

I clicked YANBU based purely on the post heading! Having read the whole post it sounds like BIL is insane. He knows the dog is out of control, especially around small animals, and he thinks it’s ok to take it to a house full of… small animals? I don’t see any way he or DH can justify this, it’s utterly bonkers.

That’s horrific.
Poor pets who were killed and maimed by that awful Rottweiler.
People with vicious dogs never seem to have control over them.
The excuse now is “ Reactive “

It's a hard no , if their dog is that important they can stay at home with it

Glad OP is standing up for her own well behaved animals, as she should!

Well done, OP

Your husband is a thundering disgrace to even entertain this.
Help him pack and go to his brothers.

I would knock Christmas on the head permanently for his brother and family.

They sound like selfish, mean CF's.

Do not bend on this issue.

It's actually not fair on the dog either, it's in a strange place with even stranger people ( well some are definitely strange 😂) rspca would have a field day if they weren't already run of their feet

I wouldnt dream of 1) taking my little dog to anyones house at Xmas.
2) I 100% would NOT have anyone else's dog at
OUR home (its mine and my dogs home) dogs/pets are family, and no way would my pet be pushed out or locked away especially on Xmas day.
Sorry BIL & SIL and their family should stay at home, they chose to have the dog, not you, and thats what id tell them. Id say sorry, but under no circumstances are MY pets being pushed out for yours. You can come but you DO NOT bring your dog, if you do, sorry dog will stay in car while we eat and you can then drive home with your dog.

I have hosted for many years but I do not host pets , family have perfectly nice well behaved pets but they are not invited and they need to make other arrangements.
i don’t have pets , i don’t like pets im
allergic to pets ! Nobody has ever questioned it or become upset !

It would be a no from me !
I have a dog / love dogs but I wouldn’t take mine for the day / overnight to a home that had cats 🐈 because he would whinge and carry on something terrible as he would sense the cats and want to get to them .

Bit different to this scenario though. Most people are happy to host family with well behaved pets, but the dog in this case isn’t well behaved. The thread isn’t whether people are happy to host pets.

The dog isn’t invited. No way!

Don’t you have a family? How come it’s always your dhs famiy?
id say to your dh I’ve helped you host your family for thanksgiving for SEVENTEEN YEARS and now I am saying this dog is not coming to our house. You need to say absolutely, I love you and I’ll make it happen, NOT suggest we kennel our own dog so they can bring their dog here and murder our other little pets. Tell your parents that if bils dog killed our kittens or ducks you’d shoot it yourself so there is no way it’s coming here and if he won’t kennel it that’s on him so if they are upset at not seeing him call him and tell him so , don’t you dare have a go at my wife about it, she’s hosted you for thanksgiving for 17 years.

Thats what’s needed to happen here.

is there an option for DIL and SIL to go to the kennels instead of (with?) their dog?? They must be barking mad...

This! 👆🏻

Not a chance I’d put my dogs into kennels because a visitor wanted to bring their dog to my house.
Nope

As you're aware OP there is one very simple solution. The BIL dog goes to kennels or they stay at home. It is not your job to not only provide lunch but the answer to everyone else's problems. You have no problem to resolve. Your BIL however has a stack. It's on him. CF

They can still come to yours but stay at a B&B that accepts pets and accepts a pet being left in the room for a few hours.

So your husband would rather you deal with shit and get painted as the baddy than him? Great guy.

I’m an animal over, volunteer for an animal charity & foster. I have numerous pets and rescue pets and absolutely 💯 agree with you!

Any update op?

YANBU - your dog, kittens and ducks are also members of the family and deserve to feel safe in their own home.

Definitely not unreasonable-if they don’t want to put dog in kennels then there’s nothing stopping them having xmas in their own home!

Stick to your guns. Your animals must be safe in their home. You could say you'd be happy to spend the day at theirs. Then you can arrive, eat, leave.

The bil is a prize prick as is the dh.

No, I don't think most people are actually.

Definitely considering they have a dog that kills small animals and op has small animals in her home.. what could possibly go wrong.