To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

A resounding no YANBU in the slightest. Are they serious?! Add the fact that the dog will be in strange surroundings, and why should your own pets be pushed out or hemmed in for the other dog?! I am astounded at their ignorance. I’m sure all those dog owners we hear about thought their pets were ok prior to them attacking their children/themselves/other pets. No one truly knows and the risk is too great the gaslighting about your wishes is so out of order too. You’re not doing this to make things awkward, you’re doing it because it’s not sensible to put that dog in to yet another strange environment. It’s ok to have everyone on edge all weekend in amongst how busy you’ll be prepping food etc, but not ok to consider how it will put everyone out?! The ignorance is astounding. Stick to your guns on this one. People think others will fold if they try to make them feel bad. You’re right to have big concerns. They don’t know that dog well enough to put your pets in its path.

That’s dreadful. How did your GP’s react to the incident? I really hope they didn’t blame you?

Our vets are REALLY anti the Eastern European ones in particular.
{they support rescues generally and own rescue dogs themselves}
They are completely unsuitable as pets, in the main.

Loads have been euthanised around here, too.

They are pushed onto the gullible.

A very experienced dog owner family {they always had rescued German Shepherds} bought a Romanian dog expecting it to be 'easy', they were turned down due to their age by British rescues they had rescued from before.

It's hyper and extremely dog aggressive.

Another very experienced woman was severely bitten by one, and it was euthanised as the 'Rescue' wouldn't take it back.

As for the trojan diseases- there were rogue Eastern European vets faking paperwork and DEFRA actually suspended the imports from Eastern Europe due to this.

Brucellosis, Distemper, Tongue worm and a type of tapeworm and the UK vets think it's only going to be a matter of time before Rabies is brought in via imported dogs.

Just NOOOOO - I wouldn’t host them even if they put the dog in kennels. Say you want a Christmas with your close family, meet BIL etc in a pub on Boxing Day, preferably one that doesn’t allow dogs.

I'm quite impressed that the inevitable band of crazy dog people only number 1% of votes, actually.

A shame that your BIL/ SIL have firmly nailed their colours to that mast.

I did the same this year. Last year, my sister brought along their dog, and it went upstairs (apparently no one knew it did!) and it shat on my brand new carpet and ruined the garden when it went outside. I said no for this year.

God no.

I've seen the outcome of this, when I was a teen and not in control of the situation, and it's not pretty.

If you're sensitive, stop reading here.

A family member, their rottweiler, a tiny Yorkie who ended up blind, two rabbits that ended up torn to pieces and a teeny Jack Russell puppy who ended up with a crushed skull. Happened very quickly and extremely distressing for everyone, especially the children in the house who had just been playing and cuddling the new puppy.

Sorry, but you have to stay strong and protect your own.

There is no way that dog would be coming in my house, I've banned DH sisters one from ours as it's snappy and we have cats, it's their home and their safety is of the utmost priority

I wouldn't even take any any suggestions of shutting your pets in a room, all it takes is someone to accidentally open it and your pets are put at risk

Either the dog goes in kennels, stays home, or they stay home with their badly behaved dog!

You’re absolutely not BU!
I have two dogs but would never ever EXPECT anyone to accommodate them! They are my responsibility and I make arrangements for their care if I visit family who are not able to welcome them, it’s not for me to question their wishes.
Ask for this respect from your BIL and stand your ground.

@canyouletthedogoutplease · Yesterday 17:38
Reiterate that humans are welcome for Christmas, large hairy untrained dogs are not, and let them do the maths,

Does that mean the BIL is not welcome? He sounds large, is probably hairy, definitely untrained, and likely a dog......🤔😉

I also wouldn't trust him not to turn up without the badly behaved out of control dog, with some excuse about the kennels fell through.

I'd also worry about it round small children if you have any

The rescue told my friends mother to put him in a cage when people came! Lovely for a family pet

Is he having a laugh put your own dog in kennels .Tell em all to do one including your hubby he can go to Brothers house please stand your ground spend Xmas you and your animals enjoy

I would not even consider it. What if he goes for your dog, your kittens or your kids- no way would I ever take that chance. I cannot believe that any of them are asking you to do this, it’s completely unreasonable

Just say ( it’s not happening) are people scared they will offend? You are not in the position to host them and I totally understand about the teenagers they are probably dragged screaming to yours ( I was a youth worker for 29 years up until last year they will be jumping for joy at the thought of having an empty 😂 this is how it is when you have animals

How feasible would it be that BIL+SIL stay at PILs and the come across for the day without the dog?

What about their dog stays in a dog sized cage for some/most/all of their visit?

Probably too late for Christmas to have the dog’s behaviour sorted. Some owners just don’t see a problem.

My daughter’s rescue dog was very nervous, behaved oddly. She got trainer in - you can take their dog anywhere even though she is still a nervous dog.

Sibling’s dog. Has bitten most in the family at sometime. Can’t be trusted around children, anyone who wants TV remote, anyone who happens to walk to close to him.

We’d have problems if she came over with her dog as we have a cat and younger children.

And yes we have hinted at getting a trainer in.

Hope the problem is resolved without dead ducks, kittens etc.

If the dog goes to yours it will be a bloodbath and I doubt your relationship with them would ever recover. I would never endanger my animals like that and can't understand your husband giving them "hope" by throwing around options.

If they just show up with the dog - which sounds highly likely - you're going to have to turn them away. Will your husband do that at Christmas?

disrupt the narrative that it's your decision and choice about how they spend Christmas and your dh's obligation to find a solution.

its actually their decision and choice and are choosing not to come without dog and their obligation. They are the ones ruining their kids time with the grandparents

'happy to host Christmas as I've always done, and I'd love to have you in whatever way you decide' - develop a line like that and say it every time, one that emphasises your positive and what you're saying yes to and that it's their decision

It is not your responsibility to have their dog. I’m shocked they thought it would be ok. As a responsible dog owner we all know that you can’t take a dog everywhere and so you either don’t go or make alternative arrangements for the dog.

They sound very irresponsible animal owners. Your animals come first it’s their home and it’s a risk to the safety of your animals. They made a choice to get this dog and now they either find a dog sitter, come for the day or stay home for Christmas. Them making this your problem is very rude. Life changes
things don’t stay the same forever.

Also even if you put your dog into kennels (funny how your family member is expected to be turfed out of their own home and at the very least BIL should cover the cost) What about the kittens and the ducks? A shut door is no guarantee of safety

No, no and no again to the dog coming. As said above I wouldn't put him past just turning up with it with some lame excuse.

Was the offending animal PTS?

You are completely right. So what if their dog is "family"? They would check it was OK before they brought another human with them, surely, nevermind an antisocial dog. As the hosts, it's your choice who you invite to your home. I don't think I would welcome this dog, even if it were muzzled. They don't seem to be looking for any solution, just expecting your household to make all the adjustments.

There's no way that dog is safe around people.

Admittedly I have a slight dog phobia but there's no way in God's green earth that dog would cross my threshold, ever. If DH insisted I would drop off the ducks and kittens at a friend's house then take myself on a solo holiday somewhere warm.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. I also have a large reactive dog and my dog is my whole world, personally I wouldn’t put anyone in the position to refuse him because I would take offence if they said no as my dog is like my child so I just wouldn’t even ask? A large breed is a lot different to a small friendly dog and it’s a sacrifice you make when you have them.

Why should you be put out ,? You’ve to put your dog in kennels tell him to f-off in fact BIL and DH , they want to hold Christmas go to theirs . You know what will happen the men get a wee bit too much of the fizzy plonk and ignore everything.