To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

This is a really easy YANBU
The only thing that surprises me is the 1% who are voting the opposite way (more likely they made a mistake and pressed the wrong button).

My sister doesn’t come to my house much as she has a rescue dog and he’s a bit much. Mh one dog gets on with him but my other one hates him. She’s only tiny and has been attacked by bigger dogs before. My dogs are both 9 and very protective of their space. They don’t mind other dogs generally as long as they don’t get in their face. Other than my sister and my friend who has a puppy my dogs love (mainly because he’s the same breed and size as them) no one else we know with dogs bring them to our house as they get that it is my dogs house and they don’t like too much excitement, especially with younger more hyperactive dogs. Your BIL should respect this and not assume that he can bring his dog just because “they’re part of his family”. My dogs are part of mine but I don’t take them to other people’s house except my sisters and parents

About time someone else hosted, maybe the PIL then everyone can drive home to their own pets and no one stays over
😉

I wouldn’t have him in my house around other animals you are totally not
being unreasonable . And they shouldn’t expect you to when you have small animals it’s an accident waiting to happen

I too have a huge dog and wouldn't expect anyone to have him in their house much less to stay where there are other pets.''Just keep saying it's not practical/possible/acceptable.

Good luck op

Not BU. Once hosted a distant friend and his shepherd puppy...resulting in a broken chair because he couldn't be arsed to stop him chewing, stressed out cats that didn't want to come home for days and me crying because it was too stressful. He also kept smashing a plastic bottle on our floor for the dogs entertainment and somehow kept shouting commands at him. Totally oblivious fir the chaos he was causing. Never will I host a dog again. Stand your ground

Is BIL dog house trained? And if not allowed in the garden how will he have a wee? I think they're probably more upset about missing a free Christmas dinner than bringing the dog!

Oh Gosh, dog aside,you have hosted for 17 years! I would just say they find an alternative arrangement for the dog, which I feel in itself will cause some tension or hostility on the day. Or best option is to just say that honestly you would like to have a break from hosting Christmas this year. You are well within your rights to do so after all this time.

You might as well be clear now that the dog will never be allowed in your house because you will not risk any of your animals being killed. They are idiots and so entitled.

I think you're being hard on yourself saying that you should have thought beforehand about their dog coming. You're not ruining anything for anyone or PIL. The ownership is on your B n SIL to figure out how to spend time with family without making it a drama. They're the ones who should have thought about how inconvenient and stressful it would have been to bring the dog and therefore made alternative plans. They'll be banking on you and H to bend to their will eventually, these types of people always do.

I would be sending DH to kennels if he suggested that me. Why on earth should you little dog move out of the family home.
They need to get a grip. Stand your ground, you are in the right here.

I’ve known a lot of people who have these dogs from Europe nearly all have had to be euthanised because they’re out of control, a friend of mine got savaged by his mothers European rescue and his injuries aren’t healing. A lot of these dogs have diseases that we haven’t had here until recently. Stupid people thinking it’s ok, let them sulk at least you and your animals will be safe

My mum has a dog that’s blind. She doesn’t like my dog and asks me to put him in a kennel. So every time I visit my mum, my dog goes in the kennels. Even if I’m going to clean and do jobs for them!!
it really annoys me - but I figure it’s their prerogative. It’s their house. My dog is pretty well behaved. I had offered to put my dog in kennels this Xmas to see her, but she didn’t want to for other reasons, but I would do that and I think you have a right to ask this for this special holiday. Especially given how many animals you have that could be in danger.

I suspect they will agree to make other arrangements for the dog which will then fall apart at the last minute so they HAVE to bring him .

It sounds like a volatile situation to bring the dog to anyway. He rescued a street dog, he should be conscious of placing his dog in stressful and unfamiliar environments. Your ducks will absolutely rile the dog up. Of course he’s going to want to be in the garden, plus how else will he use the toilet? He’ll spend all day staring at the ducks and go for them the moment he is left unattended.

Totally outrageous! How can they say it's offensive to put their dog in kennels as it is a 'member of the family'. whereas suggest putting your dog in kennels, shut your kittens and ducks away from the family. So selfish especially as they already admit that basically it is a dangerous dog with prey instincts! My partner's mum has a dog, we have a cat who hates dogs and is terrified of them. She completely understands that when she visits she can't bring the dog. Most people with pets do understand they can't all live side-by-side and you can't force them, unlike people at Christmas who put the 'face' on that we all get along, animals just won't do that.

Some people are unbelievable. My GPs dog killed our pet rabbit one Boxing Day. It did not improve Christmas. Just a flat no, OP.

99% of MN are with you OP!

So BIL and his family will be having Christmas at their own house for once !

Stand your ground OP

That's horrific.

Poor innocent Bunny, slaughtered in his or her own home.

So sorry you had to endure that.

I have a very severe dog allergy and wouldn't or couldn't accommodate this.

Could you not conveniently develop a dog allergy?

Agree this sounds likely
However
OP sounds like she’s no pushover and BIL and family will simply have to stay at their home.

Your dh sounds a wet blanket, do not put your dog in kennels it’s his home! I love dogs but would not allow an out of control dog loose with my small animals who live there. BIL is being dramatic , they can leave it at home if no one can look after it, and drive home after dinner, 2 hours isn’t far!! Not your fault they got a dog like that. Dh needs to back u up!!