To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

My money is on "yes"

Of course YANBU OP, and I'm glad to hear you won't be backing down because that sounds like a recipe for a horribly stressful day for you!

My dog is a massive dickhead highly reactive with other dogs due to an incident that was no fault of his. We occasionally invite a family member to visit with their little dog because my children like the dog, and ours goes upstairs into a bedroom (in his crate) for the duration of the visit. Even knowing our dog is securely in his crate, and having chosen to invite the visiting dog entirely of my own volition, I'm anxious and on edge the whole time worrying about him accidentally being allowed out. Spending your entire Christmas Day worrying about various animals around a dog which you didn't want there in the first place would be horribly stressful

You're completely in the right here, and I say that as a dog owner myself. And prepare to have the same battle next year, unless they've realised that they need to find a responsible solution themselves by then.

The guests don’t get to call the shots, your house, your rules.
Good on you for standing your ground.
Can BIL & co stay over at in laws and leave dog there during the day?

I am fairly certain they will turn up with children and dog in tow.

It really is very dicey to just leave it like this. Obviously they need to confirm attendance so you can cater.

I would probably assume they aren’t coming.

There's no grey area in this case. The OP's dog is not - so far as I am aware - predatory and untrained, whereas the BIL's dog is.

Besides, the OP's dog belongs to the household. The OP has the right to decide whether she feels comfortable adding any other animal to the mix.

Of course you can't host them. I can't imagine why anyone would think it's a reasonable request 🤦‍♀️

I'd do nothing yet. There's another month. If they arrive with dog the dog isn't allowed in. I doubt they'd do that as you've been firm and the OP likes them enough to invite them every year when she could have refused before now. Their children will have the other set of grandparents and another side of the family they could see for a change

But surely that's on the cf bil?
The op is already "ruining his Xmas," why turn up?
I feel for op, I think we have been harsh to her husband he is stuck between ppl he loves and love him.
Very few ppl in real like would be as forthright as they are on here.

@twogreentrees I hope you get the Christmas you want.

What?! Why is it "dicey"?
Op has said no for valid reasons.
She's not the local brewers fayre she's not taking bookings it's her home and her Xmas.
"can cater" 😂
The brother in law has plenty of time to make different arrangements

Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children

No, they are ruining Christmas for their children. The dog is their responsibility, not yours.

They should have thought of this before getting a dog.

Why can't they consider kennels or a dog sitter? Although, I imagine that all kennels and sitters would be booked up by now.

I am betting that by this time next year, the dog will no longer be with them. Its the usual end to this kind of story

Personally I’d hate to have to turn children away on Christmas Day, although I definitely would in this situation.

I have a real aversion to that kind of drama. I would prefer to make absolutely sure I knew what BIL and uncontrollable dog planned to do. As it stands does OP know if they are staying home with dog? Coming without (tbh I wouldn’t want that either!) or something else?

I also wouldn’t want to cater for that many additional people who might not be coming.

I agree with you BIL is a cheeky fucker. I wouldn’t be welcoming them at all.

@Lindjam The children are teenagers not little children excited by Santa and his magic elves bringing presents ! Bil is a dick ( I'm sure the "children" are old enough to know that already )

This ⬆️

OP, please update us if/when they turn up with the dog on Xmas day despite what you've said; I'm oddly invested now 😂

Oh it will. People seem to enjoy having reactive dogs from overseas. I don't know why, it doesn't seem like fun to me.

It won't curtail their social life because dogs are allowed everywhere (except the OP's house, very reasonably).

Or it will have attacked one of the children and been PTS.

I've also no idea why people feel it's better to upset their immediate family than more distant family.

As an owner of 3 large dogs and having rescued very many large dogs - Absolutely no way should this dog be taken to anyone's house until your BIL pays for behavioural training. If he doesn't do this - He shouldn't have the dog and RSPCA should be informed that this dog is a danger. It could kill someone if it is that big and out of control. It doesn't sound like your BIL is doing the right thing by this poor dog. It will destroy your house, animals, and could endanger you all.

I am very much a dog person, but your BIL and DH are being completely unreasonable.
I wonder what you can do or say to make them realise this? How very frustrating…
Definitely stand your ground!

Definitely not unreasonable. We have 2 small dogs and MIL requests most years for the dogs to stay at home. This year I am hosting and I have asked my sister to leave her puppy dalamation at home because I do not want the extra stress.

You are the hostee, your house, your rules and plus your pets need to be kept safe. You don't need to explain yourself just stand your ground and if they aren't happy about it; they'll have to stay home with their dog! Simple.

I also understand how it feels being asked to leave your dog at home and I've also been upset by it but deep down I do understand. Everyone's dog are their babies and easy to take it offensive but I'm sure if it was the other way round they would do the same!!

Words of wisdom here.

A human who cannot or will not train their dog should not own one.
Stand your ground OP. I'd report them to the RSPCA or police if they carry on, they are in charge of a dangerous animal..

A human who cannot or will not train their dog should not own one.
Stand your ground OP. I'd report them to the RSPCA or police if they carry on, they are in charge of a dangerous animal..

And who will be paying for you poor little dog to be in kennels? That’s outrageous! your dog lives there! Stick to your guns!

Totally on your side here. My dad doesn't like dogs, never has. My brother now has a dog and doesn't even ask, just turns up dog in tow - even goes out for the day and leaves the dog with my parents. My dad is now having chemo - the dog still bloody goes! And he's a collie so non stop energetic.

On a personal note, I'm allergic and neither my brother nor my mum see why I would care as I can 'just take antihistamines' on the few occasions we're both there at the same time. That's just a minor niggle. Why can't he just ask my parents and listen when they say no?

Nothing much I can say other than what has been said, but based on the description the dog is dangerous. Bringing it into your house when you have other potentially vulnerable animals would be about as sensible as employing Myra Hindley as a babysitter.