To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

I could not have put this better myself!

Stick to your guns. Your BIL and SIL have made the decision to have a dog in their lives, the responsibility is entirely theirs, the cheeky feckers!

They are being unreasonable for thinking that it is ok to bring their dog to someone else’s home and expect them to hide their pets. It’s madness 🤣

Of course you are in the right. Their dog, their problem. Your home, your rules. This isn’t a situation where you can be flexible.

We have adopted 10 dogs from Europe so far. Some needed more training than others but all came good in the end and have been fabulous family pets, actually generally easier than our uk rescues.
That said, I wouldn’t be taking any of my dogs, foreign or uk rescue to anyone else’s house on Christmas Day or any day, if they were not well trained and were a risk to the other animals. It is utterly ridiculous to expect you to kennel your own dog. They need to train the dog they have and if it cannot safely visit you, they need to stay at home.

I would be telling g them all to have Christmas in their own homes

I wish I'd voted YABU now because I think you'll give in anyway and play the martyr, so that your poor DH doesnt have to make any decisions. Sounds like they've been taking the piss for years, this year just ramping it up a bit.

YANBU. In your situation I suggest you have just a “quiet” Christmas just with your DH and DC. Or, as your DH says you are ruining Christmas then your DH will keep on top of the dog and deal with anything that goes wrong with the dog.

Dog bites anyone or any pets then DH reports it properly. Dog barks then DH spends time- maybe all day- settling the dog. Rinse and repeat.

Agreeing to having this dog in the house but with various people looking after it just won't work because when it comes down to it, someone will take their eye off the ball and then it will be too late. Carnage and injured/dead pets all over the place.

Your DH has lost the plot. And needs to grow a pair.

Asbo dog 😂

I suspect that this wont happen next year as they wont have the dog then. Given that it is so problematic that they cant really take it anywhere, they will probably rehome it when they realise that its brought their social life to a dead stop.

Poor dog.

Are Travel Inns open over Xmas? They allow dogs (well I’ve seen some do) can he stay elsewhere and leave the dog in the hotel whilst at yours?

Speaking as someone who has an Eastern European ex-street dog who was so traumatised it took literally years of work with him to become anything approaching a domesticated pupper, you’re absolutely not being unreasonable OP, and your BIL/SIL are arseholes. I’d never dream of imposing my boy on anyone who didn’t offer (and mine doesn’t generally kill things nowadays).

That’s a grossly unfair vote !

Hotels that allow dogs generally forbid dogs from being left there unaccompanied. I am sure the room would be totally destroyed and the BIL charged thousands for a complete refurbishment.

Yup, hotels, AirBnB's etc that allow dogs, never allow you to leave the dog there unaccompanied.

Very few dog friendly holiday cottages allow it either and those that do ask the dog be crated and happy to be so, quietly. I know of a couple that actually have a small kennelling area but again the dog has to be happy to be there quietly and you'd only be able to leave them a few hours not all day.

Such places are booked up years in advance though.

I'd be telling BIL that as he views his dog as family, and rightly so, I value my animals as family too... and will be prioritising their needs.

He should prioritise his dogs needs, which are to stay at home quietly with his people, not be dragged to a new place and either left unsupervised for hours or end or asked to mix with a new bunch of people and animals, all of whom are either excited/drunk or over tired, some of whom feature high on his 'prey' list!

Having a dog means making compromises and sacrifices - as the owner, its you who makes those compromises and sacrifices, not your in-laws or potential hosts.

Yup, hotels, AirBnB's etc that allow dogs, never allow you to leave the dog there unaccompanied

Please don't think I'm suggested they actually do this, @WiddlinDiddlin, but there's a difference between what such places require and what some will try, and if caught out they're as full of excuses as a barn is of bats

FWIW they sound exactly the type to attempt this except it's unlikely to happen because it would involve them paying to hire somewhere - and where's the attraction in that when OP's always hosted without them even needing to contribute anything?

This is so out of order. Why does the dog trump the kittens? Lock the dog up somewhere! Outrageous!

Bugger me, no of course YANBU! There’s no way on god’s earth I’d allow some untrained mutt near my two very robust but very worried about bigger dogs boys, nor would I dream of taking them unless specifically invited. I wouldn’t ask to bring them either. I’m absolutely amazed that your bil assumed the dog was welcome.

If he wants the dc to see their grandparents at Christmas, he can take them or send his dw with them and stay home with his lump of a dog. Has it been tested for brucellosis? Because I keep hearing about imported dogs who haven’t been, despite the rules. Shocking, frankly. And another thing! It’s about time you stopped hosting what? 4 extra adults and at least 2 other dc? Bet they’d love to stay at home and slouch, as already mentioned. Travelling almost 3 hours is zero fun during the Christmas period.

For me, this would be far too high risk with kittens/ducklings.

If I was in OP's shoes and my BIL/SIL had accused me of ruining their children's Christmas because of their entitled attitude, I'd be damned if I ever hosted them again. Doesn't sound like they bring any joy to the day anyway.

If your bil was in any way a sensible pet owner and really cared about his 'member of the family' he'd look at that situation and see that it's too risky and would be an unfair situation to put the dog in to and expect it to be able to behave. The work that would go into managing that for 2 days would ruin things for everyone else with the stress of it.

Yanbu I also can't believe he asked.

My MIL has an untrained, bitey dog. Over the years, she has asked to come for a visit, but insists she has to bring the dog. At one point, my DH was trying to keep the peace and try to make it work. I told him that I would immediately call animal control if her dog bit any of us, especially one of my kids. I’m pretty sure her dog isn’t up on its shots either. After that, my DH stopped trying to figure out a solution and just told her that the dog isn’t welcome at ours. When we visit her, we meet her somewhere away from her home because of the dog.

Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children

If anyone said that to me, I wouldn’t be hosting them ever again! 17 years of hosting-they can cook their own bloody Christmas dinner for once. Enjoy Christmas with your kittens!

What are you going to do, @twogreentrees 99% of people have voted YANBU…

I'm not going to do anything. I've already said no. If they choose not to come that's up to them.

Are they likely to just turn up regardless?