To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

https://www.oakwooddogrescue.co.uk
@Shade17

I'd be bluntly asking them WHY they think it's appropriate for you to have to re-house or lock away your own pets in their own home to make way for theirs. Visitors do not trump everyone else.

It's really rather staggering levels of entitlement and you are 100% in the right for refusing to do it.

Your decision in no way ruins Xmas for any of your family members - BIL's stubbornness and ridiculous demands, on the other hand.......

My understanding is there are a lot of street dogs in parts of Eastern Europe that are being brought here and 'adopted' out, but obviously they're basically feral and have had absolutely no training in anything, so would need an extremely understanding home. I've also heard that this is proving to be pretty problematic. I know people who've successfully adopted them, though. But those are definitely dogs who'd lived with people before.

YANBU but you know that.

To answer some questions, PIL can't host - they are in their 80s and it's too much for them. I really don't want the hassle of trying to cook at their house either. I contemplated this as a solution but (somewhat hypocritically I appreciate) - I don't want to be without DDog all day !

could they all stay at PILs and BIL & SIL cook?

One of mine was found living under a car in Romania. The other one is from a Greek rescue. There are a lot of ‘rescue’ charities who simply ship the dogs over and hand them to you in a car park somewhere, and that’s asking for trouble. Our Rommie came from a proper rescue who have fosters instead of kennels, and gently teach them basic manners before rehoming. It’s a shame they’re not all like that.

I can see what he’s doing. My DH would also try and find a solution that suits everyone. It’s taken years for me to convince him that sometimes there is no work around and the solution has to be a firm no!

No. Absolutely no.

My dsis rescued a dog from abroad.
Apparently it was good with cats.
3 days later the cat was killed by the dog.
He also pulled both dsis and her dh over.

Af Christmas especially you will be distracted and it takes 20 seconds for the dog to kill the kitten.

So the best they have ever contributed is.....nothing.

Now they are going one better and actively making more work and stress and your DH is finding a way to keep everyone happy instead of laughing in their faces and telling them to bugger off?

He needs to stop being such a people pleaser and be a WIFE pleaser instead.

The only way you will be happy is if you are at home with your pets and NO OTHER ANIMALS, there is no compromise, not workaround, just that.

Actually I'd like to replace my previous suggestion with a text to all of them.

" Hi Bil. Since you've decided we are ruining Christmas for your children because, for the safety of our own pets and children, we cannot accommodate an large and untrained new rescue dog, we think It's time, after 17 years of hosting and paying for Christmas Day celebrations, we give someone else the chance to do it.

They will back pedal so fast their knees will burst into flames!

I'd say that the Christmas Home of Benevolence should shut it's doors, and hang the closed sign.

Fuck that for 17 years of peeling spuds and carrots, they can whistle.

Reiterate that humans are welcome for Christmas, large hairy untrained dogs are not, and let them do the maths, it's not on your DH to work this one out and this is only the first of many occasions where their dog is going to shag up their social life, reality might be dawning.

Let them work it out, your offer of hospiality is your offer, they don't get to alter the terms.

According to the hotel and comments it’s almost unanimous agreement that YANBU 😂

I appreciate your husbands trying not to upset his sibling but you really cant please everyone! It’s absolutely absurd they think you should put your pets away so their dog can run riot.

You’ve done well to stand your ground!

This!

street dogs have to eat whatever they can catch

OMG YANBU! No way can you risk having a dog like that around small animals such as kittens and ducks! And he is being totally unreasonable if he expects you to risk the lives of your pets!

Right....
So does that mean it should sit at the head of @twogreentrees table for Christmas?!

This
Also incredibly unfair that u r being blamed for ruining their Xmas

Ruining Christmas?
You could tell him that the sure-fire way of ruining Christmas would be for your kids to come downstairs to the massacred bodies of their beloved kittens on the kitchen floor. Or the ducks outside.

Tell husband to go to brother in laws for Christmas Day if he’s that bothered but that dog is not crossing your threshold.

If he wants to make something of it, he can live in with them too.

The obvious solution to all of this is for your H to take the rescue dog and look after him all day Christmas Day. Is there a local dog park where he could sit with a flask of soup and the newspaper for about eight hours while the dog terrorises all the other dogs there romps about?

Or you tell him you'll head to a hotel and spend Christmas eating room service and watching trash TV while he sees to the cooking and entertaining and watches all the household animals to make sure they dont end up dead.

(You should have him watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation).

I think your brother in law sounds entitled.

It's time to bring their Xmas break at your home to an end.
Their kids are teenagers not little toddlers, xmas won't be ruined if they stay at home, why should you cater for 17 years?
Tbh they sound like thoughtless users, and no way would my dog go to kennels to make room for another, tell them not to bother coming.

@twogreentrees It’s refreshing to see a sensible person putting in clear boundaries and sticking to them. It barely happens on mumsnet (or in real life!) 😂

Asbo dog needs to make over arrangements for Christmas.

He's a cheeky fucker him, isn't he? Thinking he can get a problem dog and still rock up for Xmas at other people's houses, especially when they have pets of their own.

I don’t agree your dh is spineless- I’d say he’s hanged up on and getting the ‘your family is ruining Christmas for everyone’ crap! Definitely stand your ground and laugh every time your dh gives any more suggestions