To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

😆

@twogreentrees I just re-read your OP and it filled me with rage all over again! Who the hell do they think they are? Their bloody dog does not get precedence over your pets in your home!

I think you're a doormat sorry! saint to have put up with this for 17 years. This is a blessing in disguise. It gives you an out from having to host any more. I'm sure their teens will be quite happy at home. I'm also sure that they are no help whatsoever when they do come. They sound like just the types to sit on their arses and expect to be waited on.

You'll have the best Christmas in years without them! They wouldn't give a shiney shit either if the damn thing killed some of your pets either! Do NOT cave in to pressure!

No, not "dog owners" don't lump all dog owners together, there are many replies from dog owners who disagree with the ops bil.

😂 So true

Yup, I'm a dog owner who always asks if I can bring my dogs and if someone says 'no' then I say 'fair enough' and either book a dog sitter or don't go, depending on how much I want to do whatever it is! Mine can also be relied on not to massacre birds or small animals, if they were unreliable then I certainly wouldn't be inflicting them on anyone else.

I think it's because UK charities are much fussier about who's allowed their dogs. Although I had a friend who used to work for a local animal charity and she said Monday mornings were always depressing, because there'd inevitably be dogs returned that had proved to be too much/not good with kids etc etc over their first weekend with new owners. She said she got quite cynical about it in the end.

My dogs were my choice, not my friends or extended family .
I don't take them to places that would be unsuitable or cause stress to either the dog or the host.
I also don't take them to cafes/restaurants or clothes shopping as it's of no benefit to the dog .

I'm really not the doormat type. Whilst it is exhausting (and no SIL never offers to help or bring anything), it's suited me really to host since we have always had a dog so I don't need to worry about leaving them if I'm at home.

Both my sons have dogs. Neither would dream of bringing them to our house. We are dog free . I wouldn't want any dogs in my home. A large,out of control dog would surely be an absolute no for even the most ardent of dog lovers

To be fair to you, I think if their entire Xmas hinges on coming to YOUR house where YOU cook and YOU host and YOURE ruining their children’s Christmas by refusing all of the above…. Then actually that’s a pretty sad reflection on how little they do/ have done to make magic for their own family at Christmas isn’t it. Props to you of course for plugging their gap, but yeah, don’t feel any guilt about them now not being willing to come without the dog. You’ve more than done your share of 17 years and maybe this might make them pause and realise how much you’ve already done over the years.

They could solve this issue (and they should, it’s their issue to fix not yours) they could enjoy their own day at home accepting the consequences of a high needs pet they chose, they could arrange to visit the GP another day for Xmas take 2, they could FaceTime into the festivities, they could kennel the dog, they could ask a friend to watch the dog.

I wouldn’t risk your poor kittens

Glad to hear it!

How did I guess there would have been zero contribution from the cheeky fuckers...! You might not be the doormate type but my god I wouldn't have tolerated that for 17 years in the first place!

Well now she has a dog, so she has to stay at home too. Do you really want to spend Christmas with them anyway?

@twogreentrees no, your animals are part of your family and no you are not responsible for this AT ALL. They are wrong to assume they can bring their demon dog! Ultimate cheeky effers.

I bet they “assume” it’s still okay to turn up on the day. (Turn around, Bright Eyes…)

@twogreentrees couple of major problems here!! their dog is a big dog so food, while still too hot to be put in the fridge, will be at the height for their dog to steal it and steal it he will!! my daughters boxer stole half the turkey (she was only in the house, to be fair, because she had a litter of puppies!) also, how can you put your dog to kennels and expect him to be happy when he comes home when his home stinks of another dog?? he will be upset and wary for evermore!! I would just call off hosting them and have th pil. the dog will probably also be too boisterous for them as well!

Your DH is being a dick!

I have read all of the OP’s posts now-maybe dick was unfair but he really really needs to man up, have your back here and not let this happen.

If your BIL/SIL don’t help when they come anyway, they really aren’t bringing anything to the table here. They can stay at home this year and do their own cooking!

Genetics ..... His side of the family is the issue

Cheeky fuckers never like to be told no. Christmas is a lot of work and cost and faff. It's soooo much nicer if someone else hosts, cooks, caters , decorates and entertains your children . I have a 'friend' who always goes to her husband's sister for Christmas. They stay in a beautiful annex and everything is organised, provided and paid for by SIL and her husband. My friend ,her husband and their 2 children take nothing with them, do nothing and arrive on Christmas eve and leave on the 27th. The year that the SIL was diagnosed with breast cancer she said they couldn't host as she'd be in the middle of chemo. My friend was very angry that she would have to organise her own Christmas ....and worse still she'd have to pay for it. She is the absolute queen of users. Your relative sounds very similar Op.

I’m not surprised to hear that neither BIL or SIL contribute or help in any way. Reason enough to not host them again!

I wouldn't risk your kids either. How many news stories are there about family dogs attacking children?

I think it's because UK charities are much fussier about who's allowed their dogs

You could very well be right, @AnonymousBleep, and while it's sometimes said by those who've been refused that they can be unreasonably picky it's hard not to wonder what the backstory was

Forgive me I have only read 3 pages so I dont know if this has been mentioned..could BIL book an air b n b or a caravan park locally or something of this nature then they can leave dog for a few hours and see you all then return back there?

They sound like a pair of selfish thickos who can't be arsed to have this vicious dog trained or put it in kennels. I'd be refusing to host them at all now. They can book a Christmas lunch out near their home as they are unable to help you or cook it themselves. Put your foot down. Baffles me when people put their dogs above people, especially their own family.

Most of the Eastern European dogs shipped here locally have been euthanised ( according to local vets)

The Eastern Europeans sell to anyone
The U.K. charities ( the best ones ) are very fussy as to whom they home to.
Quite rightly.

I very much doubt anyone’s making money doing this. It cost €600 to transport my dog from Eastern Europe to the UK. Even a “charity” doing this themselves are going to have significant overheads. How much does it cost to adopt one of these street dogs in the UK?