To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

“You’re ruining my children’s Christmas!” is actually one of the classic hallmarks of a Cheeky Fucker.

You are, in no way, shape or form, the "baddie" here. In fact, you seem to be the only sane, stable, intelligent one in the mix.

The dog may be "fine' with people, until it isn't. Your pets should not be traumatized to suit two very selfish, idiotic people.

Solutions for THEM have been offered and rejected because they want YOU to capitulate. Do not, because it will not end well. "Their dog doesn't stay in kennels"? Well, neither does yours, nor your kittens, nor the ducks.

They chose the dog, they chose the consequences of that choice.

Not your circus, not your clown car.

And easily countered in this case by 'No, I'm not, but what will ruin our children's Christmas is seeing our beloved animals torn to shreds by your untrained mutt'.

This is the hill I would be willing to die on.

The absolute cheek of your BIL to ASSUME that his pet is welcome in someone else’s home is so entitled it defies belief. And then saying you have ruined Christmas - clearly your family’s Christmas is fair game to be ruined but not his!

No, if your BIL wants his dog he is more than welcome to host Christmas. This level of selfishness would have me digging in my heels to the end of the millennium (and I am genuinely quite a mild mannered person but this would induce pure rage!).

Out of the question for the dog to come. They need to have Christmas in their own home if they can't board the dog out or leave him for a few hours.

@twogreentrees Posted: "SIL is wet and just says she's sure it will be fine and he'll settle and all the animals will be fine."

I hope you make it known that the dog will NOT be coming into your house. No how and no way. I am betting they will just bring the dog and figure you'll capitulate. If you do, you and the rest of YOUR family (including pets) will be on tenterhooks, waiting for something to happen (and we ALL here in MN know something will happen). No one will enjoy themselves, except for your BIL and SIL, because it's quite clear they are clueless, along with both being dumber than a box of rocks.

YOU did not change any plans. They did, by adopting a dog, so they need to adjust their plans.

If they show up with the dog, tell them they can go right home, but make it quite clear beforehand that this will be what happens if they try it.

I'm so outraged on your behalf but more so on behalf of your own pets!!

We are currently dog-less, but our previous dogs have been sensible, gentle and well-behaved and could be trusted 110% with other animals, however tiny. However we wouldn't have dreamed of enforcing their presence in someone else's home.

I'm so glad you're not budging on this one, despite their manipulative emotional blackmail.

They have one dog, you have many pets - and it’s for one day. Unless they’re afraid their dog will trash the house if left home alone, they should leave him there for Christmas Day. It’s unreasonable for them to expect you to lock up all your animals and hope nothing goes wrong. BIL sounds horrible.

DH just needs to stand firm then. They have plenty time to organise their own Christmas at home this year. DH needs to make it very clear they are welcome without the dog, but you all understand if they’d prefer to stay home. (Tell PIL same, don’t let them guilt trip you)
Don't offer any more suggestions of how they might solve the problem. Just a simple “let us know by “X” date if you’ll be coming”

I assume the 1% who voted you are being unreasonable mean yabu for asking.
Outrageous request hugely entitled.
You have to inconvenience 3 animals and risk the lives of several others to accommodate their cfery, bad choices, and incredible stupidity.
It's entirely on them.

You should've asked them to leave.

It's not one day as they want to stop over night, which makes it even worse imo.

I'd actually be surprised if a dog like that would be OK with a 3 hour car drive. Could be totally overwhelmed before it even comes into your home.

Your BIL and SIL sound like bloody idiots. It's totally thoughtless to rehome a dog you can't cope with, they really should've done their homework before getting this one.

@twogreentrees No way would I have this aggressive untrained dogin my house.
It’s a good way of making money ? Selling “Rescue “dogs from Eastern Europe to gullible people.
They bring in disease and parasites too.
plenty of U.K. dogs for rescue.

Maybe DD (dear dog) will do you all a favour if he comes chez vous Xmas day - escapes and makes a run for it back to Romania or wherever he came from!

These isn't. chance in hell I would ever agree to this.

Damn cheek of them after 17 years of you hosting too.

I would literally be prepared to even fall out over this and wouldn't give a fuck what DH thought either.

With people like your bil though, I wouldn't rule out them turning up anyway, so discuss this upfront with your dh @twogreentrees . I would be very clear that if they were to take one step into the house you would be gone - and bloody well mean it. This is one of those situations where you don't budge a millimetre!

People like your bil and sil really do make me feel rageful.

Time to start complaining about out of control immigrant dogs being brought into this country!

It would be a hard no from me as well OP.

Your BIL is seriously unreasonable for expecting you to let the dog into your home or onto your property where you have your own children and small pets.

Untrained, small animal killing dog stays home with someone or goes into kennels or doesn't come at all. It isn't rocket science.

YANBU AT ALL

If one wants to visit people with a dog, the dog needs to be unimpeachable- beautifully behaved, well trained and quiet.

And even then; if people don’t want it to come, it doesn’t come.

I really don't think you bear any responsibility.

It's on them to ask the question "can we bring our dog"?

NO nope nopeity nope. Stand your ground @twogreentrees and be prepared if they show up with the dog to not let them past your doorway. I say that as a dog lover and owner of 2 large standard poodles. We hosted our friends and their daughters (our goddaughters) last christmas eve (celebrated xmas eve here rather than xmas day is customary) Our children and grandchildren are 4500 miles away by plane. This year they have invited us , and our dogs to their house. I have declined. They are coming here, but dropping all the food off the day before to me. She hates cooking, he is a terrible cook and they love my food( I am a retired restaurant owner/chef) Last year was mexican night, this year is chinese takeaway style night. Reasons for us declining their house, I would have to cook it there and then I would have to transport all my cookware and serving platters. I would have to be there hours early, AND most important, my dogs, though lovely and well behaved and much loved by their family, would be anxious as they are not allowed to toilet on the grass here, they have a small fenced in (not gated) dog run that is cement so can be hosed down daily, so they would be too nervous to go on their grass, also their garden is not fenced in so we would have to go outside every time they wanted out , so solution.. my house, I cook, they provide the ingredients and we all, including the dogs have a great night.

Absolutely.
And I say this as a dog owner ( All have been/ are well trained and quiet).
Far too many untrained dogs about.
SIL brought a Collie to Mum’s house - off lead-
it crashed into Mum’s pond and ran back into her house shaking pond water everywhere.

A stupid breed to have bought unless one lives on a farm and works it.

god the sheer unabashed entitlement of dog owners when their dogs are a nightmare. Say no more. You are right to say no

I'm taking my dog to my brothers' for christmas, I've asked in advance and if he'd said no we would have gone for about 3 hours, with about 45 mins drive on either side of it. He is perfectly withiin his rights to say no. I will ask my SIL when I see her (she's not a huge dog fan) and if she says no we'll think again. It's much easier to take a dog everywhere but it's not a right.