To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

This post has made me irrationally angry. Absolutely no bloody way. Having a great big, noisy, untrained, high prey drive hound in my house while trying to cook a Christmas meal for 8-10 people would have the steam coming out of my ears. As for the safety of your kittens and ducks and suggesting that you put your dog in kennels!!. The mind boggles. What about the middle of the night when you are all asleep and that dog gnaws through the kitchen door to get at your kittens. It’s not your responsibility to organise PILs meeting BIL and SIL and their offspring. Stay firm OP. This will happen every year if they get away with it.

''NO'' is a sentence, No need to elaborate.

Just say that after 17yrs, you've decided you won't be hosting this year and that your PIL can go to BILs instead.

SEVENTEEN YEARS and you get this kind of ungratefulness 🤦🏻‍♀️

Your in laws are Cf. They don't like it they don't have to come.

I don't know why you asked this since the answer is so obvious.

Does you DH do all the work prior, shopping, cooking, hosting etc & you do nothing? Is that why he thinks his decision trumps yours? Or does he hate your animals & would love a reason to evict them?

Truly none of the above. DH does an equal share and obviously loves our animals. It really isn't DH in the wrong here. He initially didn't know what to say. I then said no. It was BIL and SIL who said the kittens could go upstairs and they just wouldn't let the dog into the garden. DH raised (with me in private) potentially putting our dog in kennels. He was just trying to explore whether there was a solution.

Unfortunately SIL in particular has spent many an hour regaling us with stories of how out of control their dog is around other animals and how many small animals he has caught and killed.

Unfortunately SIL in particular has spent many an hour regaling us with stories of how out of control their dog is around other animals and how many small animals he has caught and killed.

Have you explored with her why she feels that it is ok to put your animals at risk?

Unless you want the dog to have duck for dinner no way. Only an idiot would have a dog like that and expect people to welcome it into their home.

Tell your DH to stop trying to find a solution that will suit your BIl....the solution to suit you is their dog in kennels or they don't come.
It never ceases to amaze me how rude & entitled some people are...

I'd be tempted to just cut these people out forever now, they don't sound like they bring anything to your life... 😤

Your dog and kittens and yes, even the ducks, are YOUR family - why should they be turfed out and locked down and made miserable (because they will know the dog is there, with their family, and they're not allowed to see them... it will be distressing for them to have their safe home compromised in this way).

And you know that any promises of strict supervision will fly out the window once drink is taken and people want to flop on your sofa, eating your food... I'm fuming for you!

YANBU. They are the ones who have caused a change by getting the dog, they should not have assumed it would be ok to bring it.

Bravo your husband. That's the attitude needed here. 👏

Oh my god, I can't believe they think this is OK. I honestly think eastern europeans must think we are bonkers for bringing over their violent strays at great cost.

This. I would totally except this.

I think the bigger question is dog or no dog, do you actually want them to visit?
17 years sounds like long enough.

I'm uneasy with large dogs in general as even the well trained once can bite if they have some issue and I have heard of several cases like that. Everyone can have a bad day including dogs.
But an agressive one? No, no and no!
I have a thread now about my crazy entitled sister, but this is even worse LOL.

Just no!

I like dogs but I'm wary of bigger, rough dogs and there's no way that thing would be in my house!!

My DN keeps wanting to bring their large dogs to my house. I have 3 cats, so over my dead body!

So SIL thinks that a large forceful animal with a high prey drive is going to be fine knowing that their are small animal - your kittens - upstairs and it will not make any attempt to attack and kill them. Not to mention how that the poor kittens have to be confined to a room upstairs for two days.

This large animal apparently, is going to be fine around your small dog, who is probably going to end up completely traumatised by such a dog coming into his home.

And frankly, the poor duck doesn't stand a chance of surviving.

The dog maybe a member of their family, it isn't a member of your family. And speaking as a dog owner, I would not want an animal as a member of my family who kills things like that.

Well done for sticking to your guns OP.

If they want to spend Christmas with this animal they need to stay in their own home.

Unbelievable that anyone would think it reasonable to inflict their pets on someone else in the first place, let alone one that is so out of control.

I wouldn't bother TBH, Goldbar
Doubtless the SIL will wish she'd never said what it was like, but all you get from people like tthis is "Ooooo noooo, that was only when he first came", etc.

A tangent I know, but what beats me is why folk adopt from eastern europe in the first place when there are so many animals for adoption right here. Unless of course they're so unsuitable that the charities refuse them, in which case you definitely don't want them bringing a dog along

Honestly, fuck people who think their dogs are welcome in other peoples homes without even asking!!
Feck off with your dog!! (2 cats, no dogs welcome!)

Frankly it’s outrageous that a person gets a dog and expects other people to accept it in their home. I have two dogs. They’re lovely, but lively and moult everywhere. My MIL is nervous of dogs, and very OCD, so although FIL would love them to visit, it is her house so we would never even presume to even ask and put them on the spot.

Just because we love them doesn’t mean everyone else has to suffer them. BiL should have thought about the practicalities before adopting, which is a lovely thing to do, but it comes at the cost of not coming to yours at Christmas.

As other PPs have stated, am sure the teens will care less and probably welcome a quiet Christmas. Your IL’s can do xmas at one family and Boxing day at the others this year. Stand firm. You absolutely should not be expected to host BiL/fam AND dog for two days.

No way would a dog that could attack and kill our family pets because allowed anywhere near my house. Your absolutely right. They decided to adopt the dog so need to deal with the reality that nobody will want it in there home.

Edited: I was being unkind to your DH and he doesn't really deserve it, that much. But, he still just needs to be firm and tell them "No".

If the BIL/SIL think THEIR dog is a part of their family, why he doesn't KNOW that his animals are also? He wants to displace, upset, and possibly hurt his family's pets and ducks, just so he doesn't have to stand up and for you all?

The SIL/BIL can get someone to take their uncontrolled "family member" out to potty, and they can drive home that night. They can buy their "family member" a crate for a present if it doesn't already have one.

P.S. Your SIL/BIL are twat waffles for even arguing and nagging about it.

Read the title. Read two paragraphs.

Abso-fucking-lutely not. Not even up for discussion.

If anyone, anyone at all who is is even peripherally involved with this absolute shitshow of a feral predator is so utterly fuckwitted as to require an explanation, then "Christmas will be ruined if that creature kills all our pets and trashes our house, so fuck all the way off with that nonsense" covers it.

P.S. I am not anti-dog. Mine sleeps in my bed. But some dogs are arseholes.

Unfortunately SIL in particular has spent many an hour regaling us with stories of how out of control their dog is around other animals and how many small animals he has caught and killed.

I must be quite intolerant as if she said this once to me I wouldn’t hold back. We have dogs, our dogs are trained but even then I wouldn’t expect them to go along to someone’s house. Seriously some people need to have a long hard look at themselves. I also wouldn’t have this unruly canine near children if it’s killing animals.