Dealing with teachers who are (imho) bullying children

[derivativation]

DC is year 8. The school was mostly amazing last year but unfortunately we have had a head change head and several new teachers, with several really good teachers leaving.

Several of the new teachers get too critical with the children, saying they are not very clever, that they have no thoughts, their mind is a void, boys are not as good as girls etc. DC is well behaved and so not affected until last week. DC has however stood up for one of the children who was being called stupid by making a light hearted comment. DC was really upset that children were being called stupid and we had decided to try to move school by that point, though it will take a bit of time to organise because of practicalities. But now it has got worse. Last week and today two teachers in classes where DC has done well and the teacher has sung DC's praises (DC does all required homework, does not disrupt classes, puts hand up to speak) talked to DC as though DC had done something very bad and that he deserved to be treated really badly. DC very upset. I strongly suspect that the teachers are intentionally trying to take DC down a peg or two because someone has said they are too much of a smarty pants. DC is quiet and can come across as quietly confident, but DC is not confident at all deep down.

The new head is a chocolate teapot who has brought in a series of changes to rules which appear to be designed to humilate and shame children.

Any brilliant ways of dealing with this while DC has to attend? If I try to talk to the teachers they will think that I am trying to tell them what to do and it will make things worse for DC. If I tell them that DC is in fact not confident and is in some ways quite vulnerable, they will pick on him. I am not joking unfortunately.

I wish I could home school but to set that up would take just as long as finding a better school.

You said you wanted to know if people would consider it bullying. Several people told you it's not. You told them it is. Therefore I assume you're not actually interested in people's opinions.

You need to deal with your son feeling upset about sitting next to this child. It's fine to advocate for your son. It's not fine to say he's being bullied by a teacher.

At work, if I shared an office with someone I didn't get on with, or someone who typed really loud and this distracted me, or someone who was rude or unfair to me in the past and had a disciplinary for this, my manager would not move my desk because of this. They would not be a bully for not moving my desk. There may be genuine operational reasons for keeping me there. As there may be with your son. Or there may not be; I don't know and you don't know.

Can you speak to the person who previously dealt with the child who bullied your son?

Ah, they won't give a shit about that. They can't take it into account prior to offering a place and it doesn't transfer over in the CTF once your kid's admitted. They'll be interested in SEND, safeguarding and attendance/punctuality. KS2 data comes from the DfE if it's not included in the CTF. The rest? Irrelevant.

I'd assume misspelt name in the teachers email address.

I had a complaint about me made to the head for ignoring emails. The email chain was forwarded to me and my email address had a letter missing from my name so I had never received the emails.

What high status jobs require uniform? Or are they preparing for life as a check out assistant or postman? Nothing wrong with those jobs but really not getting why kids need to practise wearing a uniform when most aspirational jobs don't need one ... And even where uniform is required it's less strict than most secondary schools

I am interested in others opinions as it gives insights into what the teacher might be thinking and feeling. I don't agree with what you or the other posters have said about this, but it is still useful to see how and why you think as you do, and how the teacher might see it. The real life situation is more complicated obviously. As I said, I am not making a formal complaint about bullying.

I wrote about workplace situations a few posts up, it wouldn't be seen as acceptable in my profession.

Dr? Judge? Politics? (not uniform as such but still suits and ties) Scientific research? Pilot? Vet? Pretty much anything medicine or science related actually.

I'd say they're all aspirational jobs which require uniform and will be much more strictly enforced than in school.

No, most of those jobs are "smart casual". Suits come in a wide array of style, shapes and sizes, to suit the person's style, and are a lot more comfy than a school uniform and are often only worn in full when in meetings or a formal situation.

Im so glad some teachers have come on here to explain just what a teachers day is like. I’m sure some parents think that it’s just their child that gets taught. The reality is (and I’m not saying this is good in any way) that teachers are overstretched, overworked and overloaded and as a result, they might not always pick up an email from a parent straight away. As a previous poster has said, a teacher might get 50 emails a day and have no time to look at them. I had a couple of days a week that I had a full teaching timetable, plus break or lunch duty and an enrichment club (that we had to do) and then meetings after school. Emails had to be left until the next day as I barely had time for a toilet break, let alone to sit down and read and respond to emails. On the other days I might have had 15 minutes over lunch to try and get through and respond to over 100 emails that had built up over a couple of days.

I used to teach over 250 children a week. I had to have paperwork and data for every single one of those children, plus there were lesson plans, marking, sorting resources, break duties, detentions, meetings, my form, reports (that was fun when you had the whole year group!), the list goes on and on. Teaching is like juggling 100 plates and they are all on fire.

That’s a dress code not a strict uniform where everyone looks identical.

I read three quarters of this thread and got to the point where I had to comment.

You always believe the child when they disclose abuse.
Always.
Bullying is abuse.

I have done 3 lots of safeguarding training this year. Two for roles in schools.
It seems that many of the teachers on here don't believe in that training.
No wonder we have problems in schools.

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility.
Especially parents towards their own child. I know abuse mainly happens in families, but low level abuse seems to be the way schools work, and those who can't cope are told to be more 'resilient'.

Resilience is not a virtue or a value for a child. It means a child's needs are not being met. If their needs are met they will grow up to be secure in themselves and therefore resilient in adult life, where most have far more choices than children do (And therefore less need for resilience.)
If a child has to be resilient, it means they are not being protected and looked after properly.

Sitting a child with a bully for a number of weeks when other places are available does make them a bully.

It doesn't.

How many times has your child asked to move?

I get asked daily by multiple children. Most requests get a no but if a parent requests, usually I remember. However there are times I forget. Especially with a class I teach once a week, parent emails on the Tuesday after the Monday lesson, and by the next Monday, I've forgotten. Because, guess what.... I am human!!!

Literally nothing of whag you have described is bullying. There can't possible be a quiet and a loud part of the classroom. The children are sharing the space, if one child is loud, it's loud.

Judges have to wear wigs and robes in certain circumstances. Vets, dentists, doctors, nurses etc have to wear uniform or scrubs.

If you don't like the school uniform, go elsewhere or campaign for change. Statistically, most parents prefer uniform.

No boots, no hard hat, no hi-viz = no job.

You can chuck in no wearing of jewellery/watches (degloving risk), tying long hair back, compulsory wearing of eye protection - arc eye isn't pleasant, for example - and other such roles where it is imperative that the rules for appearance are followed.

Looking at the seat plan issue, it's quite likely that the teachers have been directed by the new, shiny SLT to arrange students in a very specific way, such as everybody eligible for Pupil Premium in one place, everybody with SEND in another, everybody at similar levels (High, Middle, Low) at KS2 together, with an open threat of disciplinary action for refusing an instruction as a fantastic way to further motivate staff. 'But that means Fred will have to sit next to James who has bullied him for months' 'Tough. If you're telling us that you struggle with your classroom management, you can be placed with extra new and extra shiny SLT member for improvement strategies. Or you follow the instructions because OFSTED will want to see that all lessons conform to the school improvement plan'.

Horrible situation for your son. I've been through something similar. Basically, teachers will close ranks. The nicer you frame things and tiptoe around them, which is what I would do and did naturally, I found they didn't respect me and yes, they took things out on my son for me saying something. I had a better result when I went in and coldly/bluntly said don't sit my son next to this other boy - he's being bullied. They jumped a bit then. Shame you have to be like that. Better yet, if you have a husband who looks a bit scary I think they'll be listened to more. Some teachers are great but there is definitely bullying going on. But you can't win so best you move him ASAP so he has a fresh start.

I ended up going private and while not perfect the behaviour of the kids was so much better as there were more consequences. This helped massively while, again, some of the teachers were arrogant wankers.

Wow the teachers are out in force tonight! Of course there are poor teachers - why wouldn't there be - there are bad people in every profession! My children are through school and I've seen great and terrible teachers. I only once complained about a teacher who had shoved a child - not mine. Fortunately other children had told parents too so I wasn't the only one to raise it - as otherwise I'd be getting told my child had misunderstood! Of course it's borderline bullying if a teacher is leaving a child sat next to their bully despite several conversations about it. Some teachers just don't like feeling they are being told what to do by parents and kick their heels in. All you can do is reassure your child that it isn't them and explain that sometimes teachers, as all people, can make others lives difficult.

In my case, my son was well behaved. So what did the teacher do, and I saw this in a number of cases - they sat the disruptive kid next to him. I'm sure they do this hoping the disruptive kid will learn to moderate their behaviour, but it doesn't help the quiet kid that wants to just get on with the work. In the end this disruptive kid was ramping up his behaviour to get a rise out of my son. The teacher and deputy and head agreed after a meeting they wouldn't put them together. I then turned up at the school a couple of weeks later - they'd put them together for a musical activity and this other kid spat on my son. I was livid. You can't win though. I got him out of their sharpish after that.

A post about bullying suggests getting a scary looking bloke to go and talk to I presume female staff. Right- that’s makes sense?????

Its not really about wearing a uniform, its about wearing whats appropriate for any given role or situation and about understanding that what you wear at home may be different to what you wear at school/work.
Quite a few schools have 6th forms where business dress is required and at my DS's school they switch uniforms to something more akin to a suit from Y10. If all DC could be trusted (and parents to enforce it) to wear clothes for school that are appropriate then uniform probably wouldn't be necessary

Superhansrantowindsor - I'm not suggesting a man bully a teacher but I've found people don't try and push men around like they do women. My ex was "scary" in as much as he had a shaved head and was big so while he wasn't a thug he didn't look like someone you'd mess with and when he said something you listened. Me, on the other hand, despite being perfectly nice and polite didn't get a good response - why? Because I think the teachers thought they could bully me too. So, don't make something out of nothing by what I said. I'm not suggesting you go and hire a thug off the street so he can act intimidating. Just the presence of a man that has confidence can help.

I knew how this post would go OP as soon as I read it. it’s so weird. I work in the NHS. When someone tells me a story of NHS staff being rude, I tell them that it is unacceptable. They should report it. I don’t get defensive because I know there are bad apples in every profession. I also know I do a good job. Teachers are really strangely defensive of each other. Of course dreadful parents exist as well. But any challenge to a teacher is met with such disbelief on here.

Anyway I am 55 now and was a hardworking, quiet, sad and lonely child, unattractive, insecure with an unhappy home. My only solace was working hard for good grades. My history teacher bullied me for two years and to this day I don’t know why. I can remember the anxiety I felt as if it were yesterday.

I don’t think your son will ‘win’ this one. Hope he is happier elsewhere. Good luck.

Your mum sounds amazing. I would not have even been able to confide in my mum, and she would certainly not have gone into school. Good for your mum!

Thing is, from the examples from the OP, they aren't bullying. They're not the greatest example of professionalism. However asking twice for a seating plan move and it not happening, isn't bullying. The op hasn't given any specifics of anything else.

Bullying can be a one-off. It does not have to be repetitive.

derivativation

Have you considered that the teacher cannot change the seating plan?
I realise that alot of posters on here think that teachers don't give a fuck about SEND, ECHPs etc. but it is possible that the children are were they are in the seating plan because they have to be there, and the teacher is doing their best with limited space.

Thanks for your insights re seating plan, that is helpful, and not shocking. I don't think it applies here (I have been told the unruly child is sat with my dc because my dc is quiet and well behaved and the unruly child is no longer bullying - we will be discussing this at the meeting for sure) but I can well assume that equally batshit rules have been applied by the new head.

I agree about building sites, the post was about prof or semi prof roles.