to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

Between the knocking on strangers doors and 'dirty sodas', well...maybe?

I think it's quite childish to feel sick and gag over a slice of bread and butter to be honest. Dramatic much?

I think it's quite childish to feel sick and gag over a slice of bread and butter to be honest. Dramatic much?

You obviously don't know anyone who has a genuine aversion to some sort of food. It's not 'dramatic', ffs, they don't do it on purpose.

I don’t drink caffeinated drinks after lunch time because it buggers with my sleep and I don’t really drink alcohol because it buggers with medication I need and everyone has some form of opinion about how weird I am. You have my sympathies because it’s really bloody tiresome when people don’t just take “no, thank you” as a complete answer.

I’m in a really unusual situation where both me and DP don’t drink hot drinks and my best friend doesn’t either.
I buy tea and coffee for guests but after I made a few cups they usually make their own now, I’m obviously not very good at it!

I haven’t had tea since I was a child, my parents tried me with it and I hated it, they said I’d grow up to like it but the smell makes me feel so sick that I couldn’t drink it. I’ve tried coffee lots of times over the years but it just tastes bitter and I don’t like milk so it’s extra bitter when it’s black.

I prefer cold drinks and usually drink fizzy water or Diet Coke, I have a soda steam at home so take fizzy water most places because people don’t have it. My best friend bought a soda stream for when I visit and I have a cupboard full of squash for her, we both hate going somewhere where hot drinks are offered because we usually get called childish when we say we don’t drink them.
We actually see it that we are often not catered for because when most places offer free drinks its usually just tea and coffee so we have to provide our own. We always joke that we should be the offended party for not being offered what we would prefer to drink rather then people being offended that we don’t drink hot drinks. Now I know there are a lot more of us out there I really don’t understand why cold drinks aren’t more commonly offered?

I find it’s easier to say I don’t drink hot drinks or people get really insistent that you have one - especially in cold weather. I have been told I’m silly or like a child for drinking fizzy water in winter.

A lot of people are completely reliant or addicted to tea and coffee, my sister hated the taste when pregnant and had actual withdrawal from caffeine and had severe headaches. Caffeine narrows blood vessels in your brain and when you stop drinking it the blood vessels expand which increases blood flow to the brain and causes pain, that doesn’t sound healthy does it?

People comment that my teeth must be bad from drinking carbonated drinks, I’ve never had a filling at 40 years old and my teeth are very white, my dentist said that’s because I don’t have hot drinks with sugar or staining from them - I also don’t have horrible stale coffee breath and my skin benefits from drinking lots of water!

It’s not just English people for who drinking tea is a big part of culture. My partner and ex husband are both Asian and drinking tea is a huge part of daily life for them. I hate visiting family when they find hosting guests so important and always offer tea and can get very offended when I say no. It doesn’t matter how much I want to be polite I just can’t drink it.
The first things I Iearnt in my ex husband’s and DP’s first language was “I would prefer a cold drink please” so they were happy they could offer something.

I love the idea of saying “I just had one” in some circumstances, I’ll definitely try this instead of battling the “you don’t like coffee? What about a latte that’s weaker? Tea? What about herbal tea, or fruit or green tea? I have really good coffee it’s not instant! What about a chai one? and then when they finally let it go it gets repeated on the next visit. The only thing is I’ve seen people drink cup after cup so if I’m visiting someone for longer then 15 minutes I’ll probably get asked again very quickly 😂.

Unpopular opinion on this thread but I see their point a bit. There's some things you just have to force yourself to like. I don't like tea but I have it if that's what hosts have because sipping on a glass of water instead is weird. And I'm not even a people pleaser

But why would I force myself to drink something I don't like? Why is it weird to have water?

I drink squash or fizzy drinks, I'd never in a million years insist someone had a can of coke, or expect them to drink it, if they declined or said they don't drink it.

Drinking tea or coffee should not be one of them.

Not everyone wants or craves a hot drink nor should others be expected to give into the whims of those that do or want to control others drink choices.

If a host feel anxious because a visitor has a hot drink and the guest doesn’t want one or doesn’t want a drink at all, it is on the host to get over themselves.

If the guest doesn’t drink it or takes one sip, wouldn’t the host be likely annoyed anyway?

I totally think YANBU and shouldn’t give in to the pressure to fit in with the coffee/tea drinkers!
After all, there are plenty of people who only have their caffeinated tea/coffee in the morning, and if they are being hosted in the afternoon would turn one down as it might be ‘too late in the day’.
You do you!

I dint drink tea or coffee either or any hot drinks ,I'm happy to have a glass of water though ,so i don't feel I'm putting anyone out .

You should watch the Mormon housewives programme.

They don’t drink tea or coffee
no. But instead they drink massive amounts of fizzy drinks. And some even did ketamine at the weekend for ‘therapy’ cos you know, that’s fine.

I think that’s pretty much a definition of a people pleaser - drinking something you don’t like! :)
Drinking water while they drink tea is no issue.

Yes? Extraordinary that anyone would consider forcing themselves to drink things they don’t like as to not ruffle someone’s misplaced feathers that everyone should be exactly the same. People pleasing on steroids.

Yup.

The only time I’ve drunk something I didn’t want, was two occasions both in a foreign country where it would have been really offensive. Both drinks were awful and one I managed to slip to my DH to drink!

Wouldn’t even consider doing it here when I can just have something else.

How weird!

Why on earth would you force yourself to like anything? If I forced myself to drink coffee I'd probably be sick so I'm sure it's better to refuse than do that in front of my hosts!

For people who don't like herbal and feuit tea because they taste of nothing: flavoured green tea is much better.

No it isn't, don't be daft! It's giving a reason so the host doesn't keep asking.

Same for me with tea. (Some would probably consider that dramatic but it's very much an involuntary reaction!)

Exactly. That’s when you get offered multiple types at every visit! Why on earth wouldn’t you say something.

I don’t like tea, the smell of it makes me gag. Nobody I know is put out by this (though tea enthusiasts will sometimes tell me I might like herbal tea (I wouldn’t). Your friend was being rather silly.

By 'weird', do you simply mean not what most people do? And if so, why does that even matter? Seems daft to sit there drinking something you don't like just to keep your host happy - and unnecessary too, because no decent host would even want their guest to do that. I am a people-pleaser 😄and I'd never be rude about refusing tea or coffee, but I'm also not willing to sit there drinking something I can't stomach just to adhere to social conventions.

I'd buy her a durian fruit, some Chinese 80 year old eggs and Surströmming. Make sure she eats them in front of you. I bet you're going to find out rather quickly that she doesn't "like everything"!!

"Would you like a tea or coffee?"

"No thanks."

"Honestly, it's no trouble."

"Really, I'm fine."

"Oh, wait - you don't drink either, do you?"

"No."

"But isn't that just a bit attention-seeking really?"

"Look - would you feel better if I accepted a cup of tea?"

"Yes, I would, actually."

"But isn't that just a bit needy really?"

This thread is really throwing up those who A, can't understand people who like different things to them, B, think being a "proper" grown up means eating and drinking everything, and C, are such people pleasers they'll choke down anything they're offered because they're deathly afraid of offending someone!