to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

I'm sorry, I voted YABU, when I meant to say YANBU.
I don't drink tea (don't like it, never have liked it.) I will occasionally drink a cup to shut someone up, but much more comfortable asking for a glass of water now. I only drink proper coffee, not instant, so if I'm not sure what's on offer, safer to stick to water!

I have friends who don't drink tea or coffee, some prefer to have hot water with lemon or a cold drink. That's all I need to know so I can have it in when they come to visit. Xx

I also don’t drink tea or coffee as I just don’t like it. Generally people are shocked when I say that, although I would say attitudes over the last ten years are changing and more people are getting used to an adult not drinking hot drinks at every opportunity.

Other people do not owe you 'interesting', however you choose to define that.

I'm also finding it rather amusing that you're complaining about negativity given the tone of your posts.

Oh my goodness. 😂😂😂

I didn't expect this thread to be such a rich source of humour when I started it.

So if host asks why I don't want a tea, I'm supposed to say... nothing? So as not to draw attention to myself? 🤨

'Oh, the brass neck of it, Daphne, she quite blatantly answered my question!'

I once drank a glass of milk at work in the break on a training day and was asked to explain myself. 😂

I don't generally drink tea or coffee. I strongly dislike coffee and wouldn't drink it under any circumstances. I very occassinally drink tea but would almost always have something else.

I have 2 teens , DD drinks fancy coffees (oatmilk lattes etc) but not tea. She would also occasionally have hot chocolate.
DS basically drinks milk or water and nothing else. He doesn't like hot drinks or fizzy drinks, or alcohol (yet).
I've obviously brought up some very antisocial and untrustworthy specimens!! 🤣🤣

I'm allergic to caffiene abd this really irritates me because so many people don't take it seriously or think I'm just being attention seeking.
People will lie to me and say it's decaf because they think it doesn't matter and I'm just being precious.
So I now say I don't drink tea or coffee and I explain why.
It's a cause of anxiety for me because it makes me so instantly ill that I can't function for the next 24hrs.
So I try to be really clear and I know people still don't take it seriously and think it's attention seeking.. but what else can you do?

Trust issues??? I've heard it all now 😆

🦇💩

This is one of the most insane things I've read on MN. Some people really need to get out more, and experience life beyond their own little bubble.

I get this too because I don't drink alcohol. Why can't we make choices differently to others without being called awkward or attention seeking.?

I avoid caffeine or my heart revs up and there's not much sleep for 30 hours..

I drink water other wise. Chocolate doesn't work, it has caffeine in it too.

Most coffee chains offer decaff now and a make a decaf ground coffee first thing.

Well, you have certainly pulled focus to you on this thread.

This is one of the best threads in MN history. It says more about this country than any great work of literature, art, news or politics, and reveals that the true culture war is between those who drink tea and coffee and those who don't (and are brave/brazen enough to declare it).

Possibly different rules at work but we are told to accept teas and coffees as it makes us seem like a friendlier sort of regulator.

This thread is hilarious!

OP of course you're not being unreasonable but I have loved reading the replies 🤣

If someone declines 'normal' tea or coffee because they don't like it then I'd offer a herbal alternative (mint or chamomile tea) or water, and think no more of it.

Not attention seeking at all. I don't drink tea or coffee, never have. I've never liked the taste of coffee (too bitter). The smell of tea is enough to make me gag. I will drink hot chocolate if I'm cold and if a host has it or I will politely decline and say I'll have a cold drink please if you have one. I often bring a cold drink with me if I'm visiting extended family. I do have tea bags at mine as my Dad and brother both drink it.

I'm guessing not if you actually don't like them though? I work for a regulator, and we accept drinks at meetings, but only the ones we actually want to drink.

I have also never been to a meeting where tea/coffee was on offer but not water. Water is on offer as standard.

You forgot the third (sane) group - those who like tea/coffee, but couldn't care less whether other people do or don't.

How do all the tea / coffee obsessives cope when they visit countries where the standard hospitality offer isn't the same as it is in the UK?

You don't have to go very far at all for 'tea' to look nothing like what we'd call tea in the UK. I love British tea, but would always turn it down on the continent in favour of herbal. And it's different again throughout Asia etc.

I suspect that those people who insist that everyone must drink tea/coffee "to be polite" or to demonstrate that they're a grown-up (🤯) don't travel much (or not beyond UK-centric resorts anyway). If they did they'd need to have a slightly more flexible approach to life. Travelling also tends to open your eyes to the fact that (shock horror) not everyone does the same things.

How ridiculous! If I had to do that it would end up in the nearest plant pot!

I strongly suspect that the employer has said that they may accept teas and coffees, and the message has been mangled and misinterpreted to give the impression that they "must accept teas and coffees".

No public sector employer would mandate this sort of thing because it would be directly discriminatory (e.g. against Muslim employees during Ramadan).

I work at a regulator, and it's just made clear that we may accept teas/coffees etc, without breaching our code of conduct. (But given that water is always on offer, those who don't like hot drinks just choose that.)

Thinking of the Muslim employees thing - what do all the weirdos on this thread (who say hot drinks are mandatory for politeness, must be drunk by all grown-ups, you wouldn't trust someone who didn't accept one etc....) do if a Muslim turns down an offered drink during Ramadan?

Presumably you dismiss them as a rude, untrustworthy, immature, attention seeker? Because your world is so tiny that you can't conceive of anyone not living the way you do.

But they have to because so many people don't respect their boundaries and will try and spike them with meat or coffee or whatever because they just think it's nonsense...
So you get anxiety about making sure people know how serious you are abd that you do not want this