Is it reasonable to ask a woman to change her profile picture?

[NewmanintownRob]

I have someone I am seeing and she has a picture of her and her deceased husband as her main profile picture on Facebook. I keep in touch with a lot of family and friends through Facebook, but I’m not obsessed by it. However, she has been a widow for four years and I am fully supportive of her sons and family and her deceased husband’s family. However, trying to friend her on Facebook and get her starting to learn more about my family is challenging. if she just simply had a picture of herself, it would be easier - her family and friends know about me and her, most of my family and friends know about me and her. I have a picture of her in my apartment and on my phone - she has no pictures of me in-home or on her phone. I’m trying to advance this to the next level and I’m starting to get worried that she isn’t wanting that. I am giving a time but it does make me a little uncomfortable. AIBU ?

@NewmanintownRob
You're giving off some "interesting" vibes Have you had much social interactions? Any successful relationships?
Any disastrous relationships?

You don't appear to be listening to any of the advice here @NewmanintownRob

Either you wait this one out and see what happens. Or you ask her how she's feeling about you.

I have to agree with others that for a man of 58-ish you're coming over at times like a 16 year old who's absolutely smitten and wants an answer NOW.

You're very intense about it all

Is this a common theme in your relationships?

You can't rush a commitment.
Either live with the uncertainty of what may happen or ask her how she sees you.

So for all I know I could be played as just another man in her bed and there may be others. She does a lot of things with her girlfriends, and I would have no idea if those are truly women or men

Fuck's sake!

As a widow, I'm begging you to leave her the fuck alone - she really doesn't need this level of insecurity in her life.

Has nothing to do with trust - has everything to do with me wondering if I am wasting my time on a widow that could simply live her life out and since she has no mention of me or picture of me or anything else - one little thing I’m out and she’s dating someone else the next day. I am not insecure - I think some of the posts on this thread are hateful and mean

Just dump her, for your own sake.

You chose to come to a female led forum, looking for advice which you have routinely ignored , people don't agree with are "hateful & mean".
Maybe you should advice elsewhere ( with a professional )

I would be running for the hills 🙄

Oooof. Well you've just showed your hand, Sir.

That sounds about right to me, Newman. Just take it easy. Don't read too much into her texts etc, she is obviously friendly and very fond of you. Nobody could blame her for taking her time, you need to do the same. Please stop being obsessed with her being a widow, there are loads of widows, all different. Also stop worrying about her wedding photo, it is part of her life. Finally, please stop typing 'dunno', you are not an inarticulate teenager. :-)

You've said that her Facebook page is 2 years out of date and you can't see any recent posts.

So is mine!

I rarely use FB and as a mature woman I'd not post photos of any men in my life (I'm married, but in theory.)

I really don't see how no picture of you on Facebook and a former photo of her and her husband is anything to worry about.

I am many other posters have suggested that you have 3 choices.

1 Ask her how invested she is with you.
2 Talk in general about how you're looking for commitment in a relationship at some point.
3 Stop stressing over losing a few months of your life by 'wasting it' if she dumps you.

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ANY OF THIS ? (It appears not.)

@WallaceinAnderland To be fair I think he said 5 months (which is 20 weeks.)

@NewmanintownRob Can I ask you this?

As a 58 ish year old man you must have dated in your youth and also after your divorce.

Were you this worried with all your relationships (about whether the women were interested or just playing you along)?

You're coming over as someone much younger who doesn't know how to bide your time and let things develop or not.

It looks a bit like 'I want to know NOW' .

If you're as besotted with her as you seem to be, you should understand that a sure way to frighten her off is to come over too intense.

No mate you just can't doesn't matter how long I was with someone if they had been married for years and lost their partner there is no way I would or could even ask to change their profile pic.

She lost someone so close to her and clearly wants to still be close,that love will never die but that does not mean that she's not capable of being in love again.

A few months in and your asking this question I wonder if it stems from your own insecurities please don't ask her to do this in my opinion it would be incredibly insensitive

It sounds as if you like her far more than she does you, that you want an instant commitment on your terms and anything less has you questioning her intentions.

You are insecure, you are wanting to move things along far too quickly and you don't trust her, all with no reasonable basis.

Please leave this woman alone, if you can't be mature enough to ask her the question of what your relationship or explain exactly what you want, then you have no business being in a relationship.

OP, please don't pay attention to any of these responses. It's a common theme on MN that if the post is made by a man, they get attacked by default.

Women telling you that you are moving too fast, is not being hateful or mean. There is a real underlying arrogance to your posts, you know you aren’t moving too fast, you use FB to keep in touch with your family and friends and therefore FB needs to be important to everyone, you think that she’s wasting your time like your God’s gift. You’ve said it’s not about FB but then it is about FB. But let’s be honest, it boils down to you don’t like being told no by women. In which case, I hope this woman doesn’t move forward in the relationship with you.

I don’t need to know now - I just think she could have any man she wanted, and could simply walk away and be fine by herself. I am simply asking different opinions, I don’t need an answer from her now. I just have never met someone who was a widow. And I have never met someone like her - I always told friends that all the good ones are taken, and most of the rest have given up on dating. To me - she is someone I have never dated in my life - and I know I have to slow it down. Any advice on how to slow it down then ? Maybe not text her for a few days - that would make things worse because there still is a chance. But if she is not ready - she is not ready and I have to accept her. And in a few months make the decision as to whether we want to go further- I get some signals she wants me to move in with her, and other times my friends say I should simply date others to not be so focused on her - ( I have dated others - they are not her).

I'm sure it will naturally be replaced when she is ready to move on, whether that's next week. Next month or never

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

What’s with all this scheming and planning and focussing? You implied things were going well but you wanted to take it up to the next level and ask her to change the photo. People said ‘woah there cowboy’ Don’t start with the game playing. Things were going well, just continue doing that for a while surely?

It’s amazing you know; Because if a woman posted and said the guy she was seeing still had a picture of him and his deceased wife as his fb profile pic, everyone would be telling her to run

Except she is in a different situation where she has all her family and friends in the same town - and if she is serious about me, she might realize that all my family and friends are scattered all over and it’s hard to keep track of them except for Facebook. Again, I don’t need things changed - I’m just trying to get some advice here and see if this is not wasting my time on a widow.

Why don't you just ask her instead of trying to infer all of this from her FB profile photo? You're hardly silly teenagers, surely this is an entirely straightforward conversation to have?

FFS I've just read some more of the thread and honestly, if you think seeing this woman several times a week and staying at her place is "just wasting your time" then you should probably just leave the poor woman alone. It sounds like you're hell bent on a FB profile defining your relationship and giving you some sort of sign that she's committed to you, and overlooking everything that she is giving you. Your posts are rapidly gaining momentum in waving red flags

But if you like her as much as you say you do ( I don't actually think you do ) and are enjoying the time spent with her why do you consider that wasting your time?

If you aren't happy with the progress or how she chooses to handle her own social media without your input then you are free to finish things, stop trying to find ways to manipulate or monitor this woman.