Page 11 | Is it reasonable to ask a woman to change her profile picture?

NewmanintownRob · 2024-11-25T13:03:04+00:00

I have someone I am seeing and she has a picture of her and her deceased husband as her main profile picture on Facebook. I keep in touch with a lot of family and friends through Facebook, but I’m not obsessed by it. However, she has been a widow for four years and I am fully supportive of her sons and family and her deceased husband’s family. However, trying to friend her on Facebook and get her starting to learn more about my family is challenging. if she just simply had a picture of herself, it would be easier - her family and friends know about me and her, most of my family and friends know about me and her. I have a picture of her in my apartment and on my phone - she has no pictures of me in-home or on her phone. I’m trying to advance this to the next level and I’m starting to get worried that she isn’t wanting that. I am giving a time but it does make me a little uncomfortable. AIBU ?

DottyBaguette · 01/12/2024 19:09

Yanbu to be bothered by it. I would give her some time, but once you reach the stage of 'love' and have been together a couple of years I'd think she should change it.

It's not disrespecting her deceased husband, but if she's excited about a future with you I'd expect her to have a photo of you together.

Original poster

NewmanintownRob · 01/12/2024 19:12

Hahaha - who would date someone that has a profile picture with someone else that they would still be married or in a relationship and I would just be her mistress and travel companion ? lol

OP posts:

vodkaredbullgirl · 01/12/2024 19:22

Discsareshit · 01/12/2024 18:47

Very relevant isn't it. If she wasn't a widow and had her profile photo of her with someone else, it'd be LTB straight away.

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Every reply from OP has had widow in it, so doesn't need to keep repeating.

KyleofLochAlsh · 01/12/2024 19:42

NewmanintownRob · 01/12/2024 18:11

Not trying to rush - it is just that we are not getting younger and I don’t want to move too slow and I am still figuring things out - and learning what it means to be a widow. And my situation - my Financial situation will get much better next year as child support ends and other things are paid off and other items go in my favor while she is looking to retire in a little over a year at a much much lower monthly income after expenses than what I make. In someways, we have an ideal situation if we did get married in two years, but it can wait for now as I personally don’t care if we ever get married. I would have an opportunity soon to move closer to her, and then we both have to look at different retirement challenges because I will work for at least five more years. Discussions for later not now - no need for me to rush that fast. thanks again for all the input - life gets very complex sometimes. Dating isn’t easy let alone dating a widow - with 2 people nearing retirement age.

I'm sorry but for someone who's still in their late 50s you are sounding like someone so much older. You might have another 25 years!
Not everyone who dates as an older person feels that time is running out in the way you've said, several times here.

You mention a career in the military- are you ex forces in the UK?

You say you could move closer to this woman but in a previous post you said you worked 15 minutes away from where she lives- so you can't be that far apart unless you travel a long way for work.

Lickityspit · 02/12/2024 17:13

Dear god man she is not “a widow”. She is a woman. The fact she has suffered a tragic loss is only part of her story. Stop banging on about her being widowed

Original poster

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 17:46

Except if she wasn’t a widow- I would know exactly where this would lead - strictly fwb or less than what I may want. Normal dating is not with a couple unless swingers, whether the person in photo is unalived or not. So it IS different. Also the photos all over her bedroom, living room, memorial bench, etc. A man gets the feeling he is a maybe suitable replacement, maybe just intimate partner, perhaps living in another mans house and with his toys and wife - not in something that is welcoming to a new man’s family and friends and is not something true love feels like. Normal couples friend each other, have pictures of each other, buy each other stuff, share stuff, see each other unannounced, more. Not ready to leave but at some point I may want more than what she can ever offer no matter what the circumstance - but it needs time I admit. Just trying to learn modern dating and learn the aspects of dating a widow. I live 40 mins away but work part time near the house.

OP posts:

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 02/12/2024 17:49

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 17:46

Except if she wasn’t a widow- I would know exactly where this would lead - strictly fwb or less than what I may want. Normal dating is not with a couple unless swingers, whether the person in photo is unalived or not. So it IS different. Also the photos all over her bedroom, living room, memorial bench, etc. A man gets the feeling he is a maybe suitable replacement, maybe just intimate partner, perhaps living in another mans house and with his toys and wife - not in something that is welcoming to a new man’s family and friends and is not something true love feels like. Normal couples friend each other, have pictures of each other, buy each other stuff, share stuff, see each other unannounced, more. Not ready to leave but at some point I may want more than what she can ever offer no matter what the circumstance - but it needs time I admit. Just trying to learn modern dating and learn the aspects of dating a widow. I live 40 mins away but work part time near the house.

OK, up until now I figured maybe you were just a bit weird.

But surely there isn't anyone on the planet over the age of 12 who actually uses the word "unalived"?

Original poster

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 17:57

You obviously do not use social media - unalived is ok, dead or death is forbidden and can get you banned. Thanks for the comment though !

OP posts:

vodkaredbullgirl · 02/12/2024 17:58

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 17:46

Except if she wasn’t a widow- I would know exactly where this would lead - strictly fwb or less than what I may want. Normal dating is not with a couple unless swingers, whether the person in photo is unalived or not. So it IS different. Also the photos all over her bedroom, living room, memorial bench, etc. A man gets the feeling he is a maybe suitable replacement, maybe just intimate partner, perhaps living in another mans house and with his toys and wife - not in something that is welcoming to a new man’s family and friends and is not something true love feels like. Normal couples friend each other, have pictures of each other, buy each other stuff, share stuff, see each other unannounced, more. Not ready to leave but at some point I may want more than what she can ever offer no matter what the circumstance - but it needs time I admit. Just trying to learn modern dating and learn the aspects of dating a widow. I live 40 mins away but work part time near the house.

Why don't you just break up with her, you clearly can't get past the fact she is a widow and keep bloody repeating it.

vodkaredbullgirl · 02/12/2024 17:59

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 17:57

You obviously do not use social media - unalived is ok, dead or death is forbidden and can get you banned. Thanks for the comment though !

No it can't FFS.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 02/12/2024 18:00

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 17:57

You obviously do not use social media - unalived is ok, dead or death is forbidden and can get you banned. Thanks for the comment though !

On Tik Tok maybe, which really isn't helping your case that you're over the age of 12.

Original poster

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 18:24

TikTok is for all ages. And not ready to break it off - except for this one thing - I have never felt chemistry like this in my life. We enjoy the same things, we like doing the same stuff. We both get along great with each other‘s family and friends. And our intimacy is thru the roof. But even if we were not intimate - the chemistry, like we are two peas in a pod. Few months of seeing each other few times a week, texts always, never had one issue. I just need to learn to get past this one thing of her being a widow and living in same house and with things everywhere - absolutely everywhere even after 4.5 years and with other men she has dated, some longer duration than me - reminding her and me of her unalived husband.

OP posts:

StrawberryDream24 · 02/12/2024 18:34

As a single 50s (?) man who's willing to get into a serious relationship, who works, is presumably solvent, who does not have addictions , mental health issues etc etc ...you are gold dust on the dating scene.
50s, 40s and some 30s women will consider you.

You would have plenty of options. Maybe you'll have good chemistry with another woman. That's a numbers game.

This woman sounds like she's not ready to move on and can't give you what you'd like at this point. I'd probably not invest any more in it and get out dating and having fun. You might find that comparatively, she's not actually all that. You may well meet another woman who you could see as a potential life partner. One who's actually able and willing to move at the pace you'd like (which is certainly not a fast or unreasonable pace by the sounds of it).

If you ending the relationship and moving on triggers her to change the current status quo (and not just say she will and then Nov change anything); all well and good, but your goal should not be that ...if should be to see who else is out there and give yourself a chance to meet a woman with whom you have chemistry who can have a relationship that goes somewhere within a reasonable time frame (which the vast majority of women will be).

MildredSauce · 02/12/2024 18:45

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 17:46

Except if she wasn’t a widow- I would know exactly where this would lead - strictly fwb or less than what I may want. Normal dating is not with a couple unless swingers, whether the person in photo is unalived or not. So it IS different. Also the photos all over her bedroom, living room, memorial bench, etc. A man gets the feeling he is a maybe suitable replacement, maybe just intimate partner, perhaps living in another mans house and with his toys and wife - not in something that is welcoming to a new man’s family and friends and is not something true love feels like. Normal couples friend each other, have pictures of each other, buy each other stuff, share stuff, see each other unannounced, more. Not ready to leave but at some point I may want more than what she can ever offer no matter what the circumstance - but it needs time I admit. Just trying to learn modern dating and learn the aspects of dating a widow. I live 40 mins away but work part time near the house.

Living with another man's toys?

Can you unpack that for us @NewmanintownRob ?

MistressoftheDarkSide · 02/12/2024 19:02

I'm still convinced this thread is being written by a bot on acid. "Unalived" indeed....

Never been quite so determined to embrace my crazy cat widow status because if this is the calibre of men in my age bracket, the single life is infinitely preferable.

vodkaredbullgirl · 02/12/2024 19:03

Another man's toys, wtf are you on about?

MurdoMunro · 02/12/2024 19:06

‘Unalived’ ‘You obviously don’t know anything about social media’ Nobody over 15 say these things do they? Do grown men say these things? That’s going straight on my low-level-ick list if they do. Plus the constant repeat of ‘widow’. Something’s off here, like a deliberate attempt to be irritating (another thing in common with 15 year old boys when butting up against perceived female authority)

Mikex · 02/12/2024 19:07

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Mikex · 02/12/2024 19:11

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Original poster

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 19:12

Another man’s toys - like ATV and moped and other things that he liked that she doesn’t really use or care for except they were his. or his basement bar man cave - all cool, but it gives me the vibe that I’m in another man’s house. She did not collect all those things and build all those things - and she mostly doesn’t use it except when the kids come over. Again, I can give it time - in a few months I may want to have more, and it might be something she cannot give.

OP posts:

MurdoMunro · 02/12/2024 19:14

Well aware that ‘unalived’ is used on TikTok. But this isn’t TikTok, it’s a moderated site for grown ups. When my nephew was 15 he used to believe that the places he went to online were the whole internet, that the internet itself was invented about 5 years ago and that anyone over 25 could not possibly understand anything about it.

He knew the word ‘arsebandit’ (long story) annoyed his mum. Found himself HIL-arious saying it constantly.

vodkaredbullgirl · 02/12/2024 19:15

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 19:12

Another man’s toys - like ATV and moped and other things that he liked that she doesn’t really use or care for except they were his. or his basement bar man cave - all cool, but it gives me the vibe that I’m in another man’s house. She did not collect all those things and build all those things - and she mostly doesn’t use it except when the kids come over. Again, I can give it time - in a few months I may want to have more, and it might be something she cannot give.

Well you are, they were married, he died she stayed in the home.

MurdoMunro · 02/12/2024 19:16

NewmanintownRob · 02/12/2024 19:12

Another man’s toys - like ATV and moped and other things that he liked that she doesn’t really use or care for except they were his. or his basement bar man cave - all cool, but it gives me the vibe that I’m in another man’s house. She did not collect all those things and build all those things - and she mostly doesn’t use it except when the kids come over. Again, I can give it time - in a few months I may want to have more, and it might be something she cannot give.

Probs for the best.

MildredSauce · 02/12/2024 19:17

MurdoMunro · 02/12/2024 19:06

‘Unalived’ ‘You obviously don’t know anything about social media’ Nobody over 15 say these things do they? Do grown men say these things? That’s going straight on my low-level-ick list if they do. Plus the constant repeat of ‘widow’. Something’s off here, like a deliberate attempt to be irritating (another thing in common with 15 year old boys when butting up against perceived female authority)

Anyone else thinking our man here may have a fetish for a certain word? I'm imagining him rubbing his trousers Reeves and Mortimer style* as he groans it out.

"Widooooooooow"!!!

*showing my age there

vodkaredbullgirl · 02/12/2024 19:18

MildredSauce · 02/12/2024 19:17

Anyone else thinking our man here may have a fetish for a certain word? I'm imagining him rubbing his trousers Reeves and Mortimer style* as he groans it out.

"Widooooooooow"!!!

*showing my age there

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😆