To save everything nice " for best"

[Mylovelylittlepetbedbug]

Just to add ,I do the basics and don't think I'm scruffy in public . I can make an effort if I go out. Even before I retired and had more money ,I find I'm saving everything nice for ...I don't know what for really.
It doesn't even save anything. I noticed a mascara I have hardly used has dried up and smells off.
I save clothes for best and wear scruffy ones which is a bit depressing.
I bought new joggers/ leggings/ sweatshirts but can't seem to wear them
My perfume is evaporating in its bottle .
But it's not just not wanting things to wear out or run out. I sort of can't be bothered to do things for me. For example I would wrap a grandchild up warmly to go for a walk and wouldn't bother for myself . I'd wear the first coat I'd picked up even if it wasn't warm. Seeing someone else do the most basic thing e.g putting on handcream after washing their hands makes me think that I should do that ,but I can't. I don't feel depressed but am making myself uncomfortable in many small ways. I know I need to stop this .

I find menopause has robbed me of a lot of impetus re things I used to think important - and not just over trivial stuff, either. Feeding my family, keeping the house going, exercise - all now lacking importance to me.

OP this has been such a lovely thread to read and see you embrace a new approach so whole heartedly. Keep going!

dull cocoon of old tat.

Excellent description! as this year draws to a close, I hope everyone here gently sheds their tat cocoons, emerging as happily clad, gorgeously smelling butterflies 😍

I think you have something there. I'm sure every day ,or even supposedly enjoyable things ,became a little more of a chore after the menopause. As if I had fulfilled my purpose . Certainly not true I know as life has a way of bringing surprises at any age.
I just wanted to update. I was lying in bed thinking about my childhood influences. As a teenager I lived in a very rural area. Not even a village. An elderly neighbour gave me some magazines. She was very frugal, the magazines were very old . WW11 They were so interesting, full of advice on make do and mend and cooking with rationed food. A large section gave advice to women in the forces and on the " home front" on how to look well groomed and attractive as it was considered ones duty and essential for morale. I remember one article ( talking about clothing being in such short supply ) " if you can't have a new dress, buy a new blouse. Failing that ,a new scart . If you can't have these pin a flower on your hat " lipstick was advised at all times. This reminded me that I have my aunts enamel powder compact which was her 21st birthday present in 1941. I don't think it was new even then. It's black and gold with a square mirror and I'm going to use it. She obviously did as there are traces of powder still in it.
So,I'm just getting dressed. I have a pair of trainers which I bought years ago. They have never had much use but are a lovely duck egg blue. As one of the sweatshirts I bought is the same colour they are what I will wear today. With jeans of course . Not going out in just my knickers!
I am buying the new make up today ,and the socks. Oddly excited. Hair still.looks good from yesterday ( as I blow dried it " properly" for once ) so I don't feel that I can't be bothered getting ready. I have a duck egg and cream scarf and cream gilet . I am actually going to use one of my handbags with my debit cards in my old ( but good ) inherited leather purse . Instead of everything stuffed in my pocket and a bag- for - life over my arm . I'm going to carry a " bag for livng" and wear an imaginary flower in my hat . Have a good day all

Fabulous update OP, and I'm betting you look and feel fabulous too!

I have enjoyed this thread so much.

It's not quite 'saving for best' but I have always struggled with 'using my presents'. Someone would get me something nice and I would be grateful, but there would be a low level stress around it too for me, and I would struggle to wear it/use it /read it. I've never really identified what the reason is.
But my DH is the opposite, and has pushed me a little to use the nice new things people get me, and I am improving!

I've also always been quick to accept a low level of comfort - a sort of 'it's fine-ness' if something was tolerable, rather than trying to make something better for myself.

It was seeing my son make himself super comfortable on the sofa - sorting out his favourite cushions, getting his fleecy blanket, putting the table in a convenient place, made me realise that i think 'good for you' when he does it, but I'd think 'who do you think you are' if I did it.

I've been like this for years. Even when it's meant to be something special for me I rush through it and choose something quickly - I find it hard to protract an experience of something being 'for me' .

This thread has been great, and I will continue to try to use my presents, and make myself comfortable.

Ah OP, this has made me smile this morning! Yes yes yes! Love the sound of those trainers.

We are all worth it, worth being comfortable, worth having nice things. I always say to DD1 to treat herself like she would treat others, when she's being hard on herself. We wouldn't say that our friends aren't worthy of having nice things, so we shouldn't say that about ourselves.

It’s the smallest of comments @Mylovelylittlepetbedbug but “bag for living” is such a better attitude than “bag for life” ….. I’m going to remember that one!

happy shopping day!

Totally agree! 'bags for living, not bags for life' for us all! 👌

That's such a brilliant update, OP 😃

Do you think there's something about being too scared to live? To feel as though if you are happy, there's more to lose? I think this can come from a childhood where stressful things happened. I think this is me - always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
My dd doesn't have it at all - as soon as something new arrives she's wearing it. Even if it's only to fit in her bed and play PlayStation! I think maybe because she never fears that there won't ever be more new stuff. She's never known financial stress.

Why would we indeed ? . I must admit to a slight wobble this morning when getting dressed ,thinking about wearing something " good" but ignored it ! As a PP mentioned I thought" but what if I need it later and it's not clean " but the answer is ,I wash and dry it or wear something else . And it won't happen anyway .

Also in my update today I put ' hair still looked OK..." thought no! Hair looks good.Actually looks fabulous ( in my opinion. ) the only other person I've asked is a cat. He declined to comment .

😁

Pah! cats look good all the time and they know it. Imagine cats saving their fur coats 'for best' 😆

Imagine the furs hanging in the wardrobe ...

Why did people think that having a high opinion of yourself is a bad thing? What a way to keep people down! I have a huge sense of self worth. It makes life much better, gives me self confidence.

Definitely this . Perhaps being poor and leading a chaotic life or living with abuse makes it difficult to trust happiness or even contentment. As if we anticipate the sadness that will follow.
You have given me a lot to think about there. My school life was very difficult as I was bullied for being so small and never having the correct uniform and equipment. Added to this I was ticking off the minutes so that I could get home ,worried that something bad had happened there. I was always on edge waiting for the next drama. One Christmas ,we'll few weeks before the bailiffs took most of my parents household goods after my father had been badly injured in a car crash.
Think I'm mentally prepared to be unhappy so had given up a little . Thank you so.much

Thank you so much for this post - it really resonated with me.
I feel this about holidays when I feel so happy and relaxed but at the same time feel that i don't deserve it. My father committed suicide when I was 14 (I'm 63 now) and much as I have moved on in my life I can't shake off the feeling that if something amazing is happening, the rug could be pulled out from under my feet at any moment. Content as I am, my life tends to be pretty flat, thus avoiding potential highs and lows.
But this thread has made me think more positively about the future.

I can't shake off the feeling that if something amazing is happening, the rug could be pulled out from under my feet at any moment

While I'm not a believer in all this "manifesting" stuff that's going around at the moment. I do think there's something to be said for having a positive mindset and not expecting the worst.

I had a tough childhood and my take from it was to enjoy every moment I could, because yes something could come along and take it all away, but that's more reason to enjoy it while you can, not less.

It's easy to get into the mindset of thinking life is a bit rubbish with some rare moments of joy. But the more "joy" you bring into your life, the more you can switch that around.

OP thank you so much for this post! I grew up with a "save for best" mentality and I have loads of nice clothes socks underwear that I am saving? For what???? I'm going to start wearing it all ( not all
At once lol 😂) I love feel good threads like this we only get one life let's enjoy it x

Jowak you now have a whole new wardrobe to wear! do have a cull of worn out stuff so you don't get tempted back into a 'cocoon of tat' 😉

I think it had a lot to do with the class system, keeping women and children " in their place" an old- fashioned interpretation of religion .
Once verse of the hymn " all things bright and beautiful." Was " the rich man in his castle ,the poor man at his gate ,God made them high or lowly and ordered their estate" Awful and I don't think it's used now. It was a children's hymn . Got to keep the servants in their place !!!
When I was young it was women who were kept down . I wanted to buy something on credit but salesman asked to speak to my husband. I had a job. I Felt like a stupid child .

@RetroTotty yes your right! 😀I shall put my old clothes for the charity shop 👍

@RetroTotty unless it isn't good enough for the charity shop and then I will bin it!