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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To save everything nice " for best"

170 replies

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 25/11/2024 09:35

Just to add ,I do the basics and don't think I'm scruffy in public . I can make an effort if I go out. Even before I retired and had more money ,I find I'm saving everything nice for ...I don't know what for really.
It doesn't even save anything. I noticed a mascara I have hardly used has dried up and smells off.
I save clothes for best and wear scruffy ones which is a bit depressing.
I bought new joggers/ leggings/ sweatshirts but can't seem to wear them
My perfume is evaporating in its bottle .
But it's not just not wanting things to wear out or run out. I sort of can't be bothered to do things for me. For example I would wrap a grandchild up warmly to go for a walk and wouldn't bother for myself . I'd wear the first coat I'd picked up even if it wasn't warm. Seeing someone else do the most basic thing e.g putting on handcream after washing their hands makes me think that I should do that ,but I can't. I don't feel depressed but am making myself uncomfortable in many small ways. I know I need to stop this .

OP posts:
DancingLions · 25/11/2024 15:34

I was brought up in the days of things being "for best" but I didn't ever understand it. I think I cottoned on pretty quick that "best" never came! 😂

The reality is that yes, occasionally I have broken some things I liked, I have ruined some clothes I really liked. But I enjoyed them while I did use them. They would have been no good to me shoved away somewhere out of sight.

I hope everyone on this thread that struggles with using nice things, can take even a small step into enjoying those things.

CharlotteLucas3 · 25/11/2024 15:36

Nope I dress up every day to take the dogs out. I take care of other people and I'm not a selfish person I don't think, but I treat myself all the time. I always wear perfume and buy expensive tea and dark chocolate. I've spent about £70 on food for myself this week and £30 on the dogs' food. I do buy second hand clothes and try not to waste money but I treat myself well.

All this contrasts with my personality though because I have a real guilt complex and beat myself up constantly. It must be nothing compared to a PP who thinks they're nothing special though. Your mum's done a number on you hasn't she?

RetroTotty · 25/11/2024 15:41

You sound lovely, @Mylovelylittlepetbedbug so glad you're having a great time today!

A fabulous thread, encouraging and cheering each other on! I stopped 'best saving' when I retired at 67. Now 70 I have never regretted chucking the shabby and wearing nice - if relatively inexpensive- clothes, it sets the tone for your mood and the day.

I do admit to cosy loungewear indoors in this cold weather, but it's cheerful and snuggly and makes me feel looked after rather than shabby!

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 25/11/2024 15:55

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 25/11/2024 15:29

Something else I changed was that I used to keep everything in their boxes, or keep the boxes for things as if one day I might need to sell them because they weren't really mine.
I mentally didn't own those things, I was some kind of caretaker for them.

e.g. I have tons of Wedgwood baubles for the Christmas tree which used to take up a massive box to store.
Threw away all the boxes and bought one hard plastic storage box for them so they now take up loads less space.
Same with my massive Willow Tree Christmas Nativity set, countless boxes for fish knives, Cake servers etc..

I got them all out of the boxes, threw the boxes away and literally gained back square metres of my home.
The cutlery now lives in the kitchen drawer and get used all the time, so if I get a sudden impulse to bake a cake it will get put on my everyday (used to be for best) cake plate with a nice glass dome on it, then I grab my fancy cake knife and flanged cake server and put it on my nice plates.
The Nativity set gets put in one big sturdy box which takes up less than 10% of the space it used to need, perfume is now just a bottle on the side I'm going to use, not in a box with the ribbon put back around it wrapped in the special tissue paper in the special gift bag and so on.
I even took the tags off clothes I had been waiting for 'best' to wear.
I get so much joy getting out the treasures to hang on the tree every Christmas and it's actually easier now they aren't in massive boxes.

When they were put away for best, getting those things out was a chore which made it harder to actually use them, so I was less likely to do it.

Once they were out in normal use, I finally felt like all those things were really mine in a way I hadn't felt before and I really started to enjoy using them.
I found I felt like a person who used those things as normal.
Instead of worrying about things, I enjoyed using them.

My recycling bin looked insane for a couple of weeks with all the special boxes and brands in it, but it was mentally freeing to treat my own possessions as if they were just my possessions, not obligations to pass on.

I unexpectedly started to lose my sight a few years back and I now have very little of it left.

It made me even more happy I was using those things, because I did it at a time I could see everything well enough to know how nice they looked.
I have to admit, when time came to use them, some of the things I'd been saving for best I didn't even like that much so I had got rid of those.

Giving up waiting for best was one of the most freeing things I ever did.

You never know what the future will hold, so you might as well go into it wearing your favourite earrings, smelling great with moisturised hands and a nice outfit, drinking the good coffee/tea from your best cup.

What a nice post. Thank you. Well it's been quite a day. I have got in touch with a family member I have been estranged from because I see now life's too short to leave things unsaid ( or china unused )
I have moved things ( bin) put my hair styling stuff where I will actually use it. I was keeping it in my bedroom on a high shelf which was probably why I hated getting it out. I've emptied a cupboard in the living room in a place where I can actually use it easily .
I have put my cleansers etc by the washbasin on a pretty antique tray that I was not using. If it gets broken they are easily found in charity shops ,I tell myself.
While I was rummaging in the cupboard I found the ideal container to go on the worktop with spices in ....just right to use for the curry I'm making ,and a lovely little oil burner which I'm going to use later.
Haven't spent anything and found uses for things that were put away and forgotten. Oh and a small china tree ornament was on the shelf as well. I'm going to sort out my pretty silver pendants and hang them on it . They were all in a tangle in a drawer.....being " saved"
When I buy my new make up it will be used . I promise .
I have a doctors appointment booked . It's for something annoying and trivial that was to have been dealt with before covid and I was convinced I could just live with as it wasn't important.
I can see parents parking opposite as they walk through to the school. People also park there as there is a small post office.
Some people have coats undone ,slippers and their hair gets soaked as they just " nip down to the shop/school" I was living like that ...in a way. Being uncomfortable because I couldn't be bothered.
Others wearing the same kind of clothes have their coats button up,belt fastened and a woolly hat . I'm not comparing people's fashion sense or wealth. I'm going to be a coat buttoned up, warm comfortable person from now on if you see what I mean. It's not down to money. It's just taking the time to care .

OP posts:
Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 25/11/2024 15:58

SharpOpalNewt · 25/11/2024 14:30

My mum used to do this and I hardly ever got to wear lovely clothes and shoes before I grew out of them as a kid.

Buy nice things and use them, life is too short.

My mother used to buy everything too big as she thought I would grow into them. I never did but always felt untidy with sleeves flapping over my hands

OP posts:
Intimacies · 25/11/2024 15:59

You go right ahead and be that 'coat buttoned up' person, @Mylovelylittlepetbedbug!

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 25/11/2024 16:00

CharlotteLucas3 · 25/11/2024 15:36

Nope I dress up every day to take the dogs out. I take care of other people and I'm not a selfish person I don't think, but I treat myself all the time. I always wear perfume and buy expensive tea and dark chocolate. I've spent about £70 on food for myself this week and £30 on the dogs' food. I do buy second hand clothes and try not to waste money but I treat myself well.

All this contrasts with my personality though because I have a real guilt complex and beat myself up constantly. It must be nothing compared to a PP who thinks they're nothing special though. Your mum's done a number on you hasn't she?

Well done . And I bet you have very happy ,cared for dogs too. Hope to be like you one day .

OP posts:
AlexaSetATimer · 25/11/2024 23:28

Today is "best", if tomorrow is even better then we will celebrate even more.

@PonyPatter44 love this so much!!

Dreamingofdreaming · 25/11/2024 23:32

Life is too short not to feel fabulous. Use the perfume, and when it runs out buy some more!

MadamMuck · 26/11/2024 04:04

Great updates OP. Taking some pride and enjoying your things is not over indulging. You sound like a lovely person, I hope you feel fab owing to the changes you are making, you're as worthy as anyone. X

HoundsOfSmell · 26/11/2024 04:18

I have painting clothes, exercise clothes and wedding/funeral dresses and wear everything else. I get rid of anything that’s had it.

Gingerlingerlonger · 26/11/2024 04:28

Oh, I don't know. For me it's not so much "keeping it for best" so much as liking something so much that I want to keep it perfect and fresh. I'm getting away from that now though after having several bad health scares over the last few years. Life and death bad. Lately, I've bought myself some nice things and actually use/wear them. I have thought, "what if I buy this and I'm dead before it even arrives. Won't that be a waste of money", only to realise, in that case, I won't be alive to give a shit about wasted cash. Sorry, that might appear a bit morbid but that's my life now and I bloody well know it.

Ahwelltoobad · 26/11/2024 04:54

Thank you @Mylovelylittlepetbedbug and all posters, I really needed this thread. 💞

Soupwithstring · 26/11/2024 05:09

Bestfornever · 25/11/2024 10:10

I don't buy nice stuff but I don't use the nice stuff I already have. I'm not anything special so I don't think I should go around with nice things. I have sore and cracked hands from washing up and I have hand cream but I don't put the hand cream on because it would be implying I think I'm really something.

I have good coat I have never worn because I don't go anywhere I could wear it.

I have make up but when I put it on people comment and not in a nice way.

I have too high an opinion of myself and using nice things just feeds into that. I have nice sheets but my mum says that's a waste and I should have some that she could give me instead.

This is awful.

I have dry cracked hands and I've been using handcream all my adult life, because they get worse if I don't.

I only buy white company sheets as our bed is too big for normal sheets. And when the pillowcases go yellow or the sheets go manky and beyond repair or whitening, we throw them out and get a new set.

I wear my good coat to aldi and tesco. Why shouldn't people see my nice coat?!

Soupwithstring · 26/11/2024 05:10

And you most certainly don't have a high opinion of yourself. Who says that you do?

Soupwithstring · 26/11/2024 05:20

Something else I changed was that I used to keep everything in their boxes, or keep the boxes for things as if one day I might need to sell them because they weren't really mine.
I mentally didn't own those things, I was some kind of caretaker for them.

My mum used to do this and it made me so cross. For her I think it was reaffirming that she could have these lovely things after not having a lovely mother.

But now in her 70s, she rocks all the time. Stays modern and always has her highlights done, hair cut, modern jackets and coats. Refuses to wear slippers during the day as that's giving in to age and retirement. Constantly refreshes her clothes on a tight budget.

Monty27 · 26/11/2024 05:23

This is a great thread. Thanks @Mylovelylittlepetbedbug and posters I'm jumping on board.

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/11/2024 06:39

I have never had a problem spending money on myself but I used to have the same feeling that I didn’t “deserve” nice clothes: that I wasn’t slim or pretty enough and it was a waste of money.

The thing that cured me of this was having a job where wearing clothes that look expensive was an explicit requirement. I found it gauche and tacky but I now feel grateful that I was forced to invest in some nice stuff.

StripeyDeckchair · 26/11/2024 06:40

To be blunt, do you want to die leaving lotd of nice stuff in the cupboards & drawers?

The clothes will go to a charity shop & the other stuff in the bin. And the people clearing out your home will be sad you didn't use them.

Use them
Enjoy them
Share them (if appropriate) eg use the nice China with friends

RetroTotty · 26/11/2024 08:01

One thing that helps me is taking a bag of past-their- best clothing to a local charity shop that accepts clothes for 'rags', which are sold on for recycling, if they are considered unsaleable for retail. I then tour all the charity shops for 'new' items for myself, be it clothing or nice household things.

It's a fun and pension friendly way to spend a couple of hours! 😃

5128gap · 26/11/2024 08:05

I'm like this with clothes particularly. It's like I don't want to take the new off. For me it comes from never having much growing up, so new things were rare and temporary and soon turned into old things if you used them.

PuddledDuck · 26/11/2024 08:07

christmastimefun · 25/11/2024 11:03

watching and reading with interest. I have so many lovely bottles of expensive perfume. I never use any of it. It all seems too good to use to just go to the pub. It seems a waste to wear it to work or at home/if I am not going out anywhere. I have asked for a £110 bottle of perfume for Christmas. Its a fabulous new one. But when will I use it ! However, I want people to think of how lovely I always smell, whenever they are thinking/referring to me. I used to work with a woman who must have had the biggest selection of clothes I had ever seen, she never wore anything twice. She was specifically noted for having fabulous clothes.

I hardly have any clothes because I never see anything I like or that fits. The clothes I want do not exist. I will only wear clothes that make look as slim as I used to be. And I am not that slim anymore

@christmastimefun it’s absolutely not wasteful to wear your gorgeous perfumes, whatever you happen to be doing on any particular day. We have to look for and appreciate the little bits of sparkle in everyday life and enjoy it all while we can.
What would be more wasteful, it to find that one day when you go to spritz that expensive perfume, you find it’s gone off and no longer smells so beautiful.

I kept hold of my mum’s favourite perfume for years after she died. Couldn’t replace as it had been discontinued and didn’t want to waste it. Always wanted to have the option to smell ‘her’ again. Then you guessed it, one day I wanted to feel mum was with me, sprayed the perfume and headed out for the day. It was only driving along that I realised I was smelling absolutely rank! The perfume had to go straight in the bin. Just think of all the days I’d missed out on enjoying wearing that.

We deserve to use our best things on a random Tuesday in November. Because why not.
I have a fab new gold sequin mini skirt which I think i’m going to wear to trot round in this Winter 😂 Not saving it, I’m going through serious illness at the moment so who knows where I’ll be up to next Winter. And maybe it’ll no longer fit me then anyway! Sod it.

PixelatedLunchbox · 26/11/2024 08:14

Don't save anything "for a special occasion": being alive is the special occasion. Seriously. Stop doing it. I grew up with a mother that had dishes we couldn't eat off of, sofas we couldn't sit on, rugs we couldn't walk on, clothes she was saving for a special occasion. When she died it was all pristine. What an absolute waste of joy and enjoyment.

Lifelover16 · 26/11/2024 08:15

What a great thread! Given me a reason to have a rethink and emerge from my dull cocoon of old tat. I always feel “ this’ll do”, it’s only for me. I’m going to break out and use my nice things before it’s too late.

ILoveNigelTufnel · 26/11/2024 08:19

This thread is brilliant - I’ve been looking at my stuff and thinking about what to keep / get rid of. I need a good sort out of clothes.

I’m going to wear one of my dresses today instead of my usual jeans. It’s not a dress saved for best but one I keep for ‘another day’ so I don’t ‘spoil’ it. God knows why I think that - I don’t ever ‘spoil’ my clothes. I feel a bit excited about this so it’s definitely a sign that I need to get out more…

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