To save everything nice " for best"

[Mylovelylittlepetbedbug]

Just to add ,I do the basics and don't think I'm scruffy in public . I can make an effort if I go out. Even before I retired and had more money ,I find I'm saving everything nice for ...I don't know what for really.
It doesn't even save anything. I noticed a mascara I have hardly used has dried up and smells off.
I save clothes for best and wear scruffy ones which is a bit depressing.
I bought new joggers/ leggings/ sweatshirts but can't seem to wear them
My perfume is evaporating in its bottle .
But it's not just not wanting things to wear out or run out. I sort of can't be bothered to do things for me. For example I would wrap a grandchild up warmly to go for a walk and wouldn't bother for myself . I'd wear the first coat I'd picked up even if it wasn't warm. Seeing someone else do the most basic thing e.g putting on handcream after washing their hands makes me think that I should do that ,but I can't. I don't feel depressed but am making myself uncomfortable in many small ways. I know I need to stop this .

Caught him !😀

You get to use the nice things just because you like them. There doesn't need to be any justification apart from that you like them. I bet you are great at looking after other people, and you get to extend that same care to yourself.

I'm flipping brilliant and deserve it, as do all of you.

I have had this argument with mum and am happily winning the battle. Last year I bought her wool and silk mix knee high socks for Christmas, she would never buy those for herself. She wore them all the time for walking the dog and it made such a difference, that makes me happy. I didn't buy them to sit in the drawer while she struggles with cold feet. If she didn't use them she wouldn't be respecting my wishes.

If nothing else, look for opportunities to reward yourself for tiny things. I put perfume on to reward myself for having finished getting dressed, cleaned my teeth and brushed my hair. Then find things to celebrate and get dressed up for them - at the least the solstices and equinoxes, and there’s another 4 festivals in between, so that’s something every 6 weeks. And remember when you go out, being well presented is a way of showing respect to the people you’re with (as I type this, I’m in a fleece that I’ve had at least 10 years and a pair of old walking trousers missing their button and with holes in both knees )

I realised how uninterested DC were in inheriting anything, so now I’m using pretty lace tablecloths daily, and using good china every day.

Maybe talk to your doctor. My first counselling session after being diagnosed with depression it was snowing heavily and DH phoned to say he was there waiting to give a lift home, I told him I’d walk, and counsellor picked up on the “not feeling worthy enough to be looked after”

Yes ,my background was very poor and we had very little so I think there is a feeling that I'm scared I won't be able to replace things.
I also remember lots of talk about an aunt when I was a child. She had a good well paid job( for a woman ,at that time) and I think people were a bit jealous. Sort of judging her for being " selfish"" so I probably took that on board .

I used to save things for best.

If you have the 'best' things set aside, you have to go around buying cheaper stuff to use or wear instead while filling your house with stuff you won't use.

With clothes, make up etc.. what you think of as best can go so far out of fashion that by the time you want to wear it you don't want to wear that style/those colours, or your body has changed shape and it no longer fits/suits.

I used to have best crockery and cutlery filling up cupboards, now it's the only stuff I've got and it makes me really happy using it every day and having the extra cupboard space back.

With the make up, it's long used up and gone but my skin tone has lightened as I've got older so those colours wouldn't have suited me now anyway.
The perfumes I liked when younger aren't the ones I like now.

Most of the 'best' would have ended up best placed in the bin.

Instead, I have enjoyed using it, people who gave me some of those things as gifts have had the pleasure of seeing they gave me something I actually liked, and I have a nicer life with stuff that would have been in the house anyway.

Let's face it, we don't have the crown jewels in storage for our next coronation.
It's 99% stuff you can buy in a department store.
Use the things that you like, make yourself and anyone who wants to gift you nice things have a chance to enjoy them.

Every day is your best. I draw the line at wearing a posh frock and smart coat to go to the supermarket. But my trousers, top and quilted jacket are all nice and I wouldn't dream of going out without a bit of make-up on.

You sound a bit like my MIL born poor, developed a social conscience and tends to look down on people who make the best of themselves. Stuff that. She has led a half life. She has tons of money yet will buy the blouse she doesn't like as much as the alternative to save a fiver. What's the point of buying something that you don't much like and doesn't make you feel good?

I'll retire in the next year. I'm buying more casual stuff even for work.

YOU ARE WORTH IT. DO IT FOR YOU.**

Yes . I feel like that sometimes. If someone offers to so something I feel that if I can do it myself I should ! Even if I'm struggling .

🤍

I understand your thinking. When clothes were incredibly expensive and had to last plus you would be unwelcome if you weren't appropriately dressed, it made sense to save the best for those much rarer uses. It's not like that now though so entire books have been written on breaking the mindset. Cross that with self worth issues and mix up some strands of religious puritanism and we get very mixed messages. I say that we want a healthy life and l if you are living in a mindful manner then having nice things to appreciate is important. Can't be mindful of every bite you take if your food is stale. Can't enjoy the feel of your clothes if they are scratchy or ill fitting.

If you do one thing I'd suggest taking every upgrade you already have. Use the better foundation, the nicer towels, the special biscuits, the crystal glass, whatever. I was trying to save money by having cheaper teabags. It just made my life a little more sad. When I finished the packet and went back to my nice Assam teabags it was just adding a little bit of happy to my day. So add some happy to your day where you can - and if the things don't add joy they you should feel no guilt in ignoring them. Everyone is different. If the culture of personal responsibility shows us anything is that no one will make us happy except ourselves.

watching and reading with interest. I have so many lovely bottles of expensive perfume. I never use any of it. It all seems too good to use to just go to the pub. It seems a waste to wear it to work or at home/if I am not going out anywhere. I have asked for a £110 bottle of perfume for Christmas. Its a fabulous new one. But when will I use it ! However, I want people to think of how lovely I always smell, whenever they are thinking/referring to me. I used to work with a woman who must have had the biggest selection of clothes I had ever seen, she never wore anything twice. She was specifically noted for having fabulous clothes.

I hardly have any clothes because I never see anything I like or that fits. The clothes I want do not exist. I will only wear clothes that make look as slim as I used to be. And I am not that slim anymore

My local,charity shop is full of fine bone china, beautiful fancy stuff that people have probably cherished and put away for best for years.

And which I am buying for the role play area in our nursery and reception classrooms for pennies.

I'm not anything special
I have too high an opinion of myself

Obviously both of those things cannot be true, can they?

No, I like making every day a little bit more pleasurable by using 'nice' things. I use Dr Hauschka rose bath oil everynight, and an expensive body moisturiser someone gave me for my birthday.

And I think not bothering to see to your own bodily comfort is a troubling sign of poor self-esteem. You are worth wrapping up properly on a cold day, and moisturising your hands.

My therapist is an adovcate of what she calls 'mindful moisturising'. I snorted when she said it, but her logic is that it's grounding yourself in your own body by touching yourself with kindness, and that you're acting as though you're worth care and consideration in a practical way.

So wear your nicer clothes and your perfume! Put on a warm coat!

But why would thinking you 're 'special' be a bad thing? You sound like my mother, who thinks that behaving as though she has the same right to breathe the air as anyone else is the ultimate sin of 'being full of yourself'. I mean, who else would you be full of?

Wear the perfume for YOU, not other people. Enjoy it. Sniff yourself every hour if you want to! But please use it and enjoy it!

OP stop this, right now. The saddest memory I have of clearing my mother's house was my aunt finding an unworn slip which my aunt had bought for her in 1964 and which my mother still had unopened in its wrapping... this was in 2000, as she was keeping it for best. There were so many things that we know would have given her pleasure. The whole point of having nice/good things is to enjoy them and take enjoyment from how they make you feel.

If you mistakenly feel you do not deserve them, listen to me; you, all of you deserve the very best that life can offer, so grab it with both hands and just feel good that you are using it and enjoy every moment of using the good stuff.

If you’ve got it use it! I bought loads of fabulous Irish linen bed linen on eBay , and it was very clear that lots of it had been wedding presents or Hope chest stuff, lovingly kept in the original boxes and never used. How very sad that it ended up being sold on, presumably after relatives of the first owners found it while clearing out the house.

The only thing I buy and don’t always use straight away is soap, I buy it (TKMaxx often) and tuck it away in drawers to be found when I need a new bar and have a rummage.

And a few years ago I binned all my sensible cotton knickers and got lacy ones in lots of colours. They weren’t hugely expensive, I didn’t go Victorias Secret/ Rigby and Pellar, but they are fun and pretty. I’m worth it.

Brilliant!

My parents were like this. I found things in their house, when I cleared it out, that were wedding presents - they were married 60 years. I only remember them being used on a handful of occasions. My DS is just about to buy his 1st house. I've offered him his Grandparents 1953 canteen of cutlery which is in perfect condition but practically worthless to sell. I've told him he should use it daily and not bother keeping it in the case in a cupboard like parents did. I hope it gets many years of use.

I don't think that I look down on people making the best of themselves but it was certainly a mindset in the community in which I was brought up. Perhaps a relic of the Victorian idea of " knowing your place" I think some people had a horror of making a " show of themselves" .

What if the day for 'best' never comes?

Embrace the loveliness of 'things for best', use them, wear them, else what is the point?

And if the 'best' gets worn or broken, then yay! An excuse to indulge in more.

Life is too short.

That's exactly the mindset I was brought up with. It's possible to unpick that script, though, once you realise it's nonsense. My parents tried to discourage me from sitting entrance scholarship exams for university because everyone else was a boy from one of the private schools, and university was 'only for rich people'. I decided that wasn't true and that my 'place' was wherever I decided it would be.

I have a similar thing but ever so slightly different.

I don't wear the best thing because 'I might need it' later in the week or fortnight and it will be in the wash or not fresh. But of course this imaginary moment doesn't happen. And if it did, I have other clothes.

So I'm not fretful of wearing the good stuff. I'm fretful that I'll want it soon for something for important.

I'm getting better

Since I posted the original post this morning I have forced myself to wash my hair ( ignoring the nasty little voice that says I doesn't really need it) and styled it .
I've got dressed in a pair of black jeans that I was " saving: and a jumper which I had bought for work but which was too warm for the office..and yes , I was saving !
I have gone through my make up bag ( used my tinted moisturiserand lip balm) throwing out most of it and will buy some more tomorrow.

I'm on a roll now . Put some body butter ( I was , OF COURSE , SAVING) by the bed together with some cuticle oil. Just about to do online shop and will get some more handcream so they are by every sink.
Thank you all so much. I hope anyone else feeling as I do can start to feel better. I've only been out to the bin today but am going to have my coffee what was my " best " mug but is now just my mug x