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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To save everything nice " for best"

170 replies

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 25/11/2024 09:35

Just to add ,I do the basics and don't think I'm scruffy in public . I can make an effort if I go out. Even before I retired and had more money ,I find I'm saving everything nice for ...I don't know what for really.
It doesn't even save anything. I noticed a mascara I have hardly used has dried up and smells off.
I save clothes for best and wear scruffy ones which is a bit depressing.
I bought new joggers/ leggings/ sweatshirts but can't seem to wear them
My perfume is evaporating in its bottle .
But it's not just not wanting things to wear out or run out. I sort of can't be bothered to do things for me. For example I would wrap a grandchild up warmly to go for a walk and wouldn't bother for myself . I'd wear the first coat I'd picked up even if it wasn't warm. Seeing someone else do the most basic thing e.g putting on handcream after washing their hands makes me think that I should do that ,but I can't. I don't feel depressed but am making myself uncomfortable in many small ways. I know I need to stop this .

OP posts:
CharlotteStreetW1 · 25/11/2024 14:02

am going to have my coffee what was my " best " mug but is now just my mug x

Beautiful 💟

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 25/11/2024 14:08

ItGhoul · 25/11/2024 13:56

I know I need to stop this

Stop doing it then.

Seriously. What is actually preventing you from putting a new pair of leggings on or spraying yourself with some perfume?

This isn't about 'can't be bothered' because putting on a nice new jumper or your best coat doesn't take any more effort than putting on an old scruffy jumper or the coat you've had for 20 years.

You either have some sort of subconscious OCD thing about not using new things, or there's something psychological going on where you're somehow telling yourself you don't deserve nice things. Either way, you need to address this and start living your life to the full and using your nice things instead of 'saving them for best' because the way you're living at the moment sounds miserable to me.

Yes you are right. I have updated and I am trying .
I don't know whether it's this thread ( and this sounds really stupid even to myself) I have just moved my kitchen bin. Kitchen is open plan . Bin is a nice new one. There is only one space for a large bin . It's very inconvenient. But to move the bin to where I want it means it's very near to where the hard floor ends and carpet begins. I had not put it there because I might dirty the carpet! I don't usually throw food ,I am not messy but I think I was " saving " the carpet. I'm weirder than I thought. It's now moved . I have just unpacked my grans antique dressing table set ( cut glass tray ,jars etc) and arranged them on the dressing table. They are pretty and deserve to be seen.This house will be entirely rearranged by the end of the daybat this rate

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 25/11/2024 14:11

As Ma in Little House on the Prairie said, 'they're not for special occasions, they're for special people'.

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 25/11/2024 14:12

RanchRat · 25/11/2024 13:40

Many years ago I watched a friend put her socks on. They were lovely socks - no holes and fluffy - she put them on slowly and carefully and smoothed them down. I realised that she loved herself. I took that as a lesson and try to treat myself the same way.

Thank you. I've got a voucher here for my birthday . Was going to get something for the house but now I'm getting lovely socks !

OP posts:
BigHaircut · 25/11/2024 14:13

OP if you are weirder than you thought then so am I and a lot of others on this thread who've admitted to doing similar things 😆

To the person who said it must be something psychological, well yes that's the point, that's what we're here discussing and ways to overcome it.
Some of us doing well so far!

Bakedpumpkin · 25/11/2024 14:16

I used to do this with perfumes and only use cheap ones on day to day , I threw away about £300 worth as they expired all almost full. Now I just use the designer ones and always get compliments, don’t need to buy cheap ones which probably was a false economy!

BigHaircut · 25/11/2024 14:17

If it's any consolation to anyone on here, I lived in rented bedsits for years with shared bathrooms. Any time I received nice bath and shower stuff for Christmas etc I never used it because I didn't want to use such lovely things in a draughty old rented bathroom.
Fast forward 20 years and I have a collection of lovely bath stuff. But the ingredients are not made to last 20 years.

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 25/11/2024 14:18

BigHaircut · 25/11/2024 14:13

OP if you are weirder than you thought then so am I and a lot of others on this thread who've admitted to doing similar things 😆

To the person who said it must be something psychological, well yes that's the point, that's what we're here discussing and ways to overcome it.
Some of us doing well so far!

So true. I am going to make a really nice curry for tea. Got the ingredients because someone was coming for dinner but she had to.cancel . Was going to.put chicken into the freezer and have a sandwich but I'm coming to dinner ...with me . So I'll cook it . Might even have a glass of wine . In one of the " good glasses"

OP posts:
Mnetcurious · 25/11/2024 14:22

Just read your updates which are lovely! Absolutely keep fighting that old mindset and continue to work on the new way of thinking that you’re worth a bit of self care and wearing your nicest clothes and using your best makeup. You will feel better about yourself and in turn it will be easier to realise that you deserve it. Good for you that you’ve already started today.

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 25/11/2024 14:25

Such lovely replies and advice . Thank you all

OP posts:
Imperiallanger · 25/11/2024 14:26

I do the same 😭

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 25/11/2024 14:28

Gosh, I'm loving your updates, Op!

LuckysDadsHat · 25/11/2024 14:29

Don't do it! My mum and dad did this and were saving all the best things and new things they had bought for retirement. My dad sadly passed away 6 weeks before they both retired and it has always, always stuck with me. Live in the now! Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Wear and use whatever you want. Today is the BEST day so use your best things.

SharpOpalNewt · 25/11/2024 14:30

My mum used to do this and I hardly ever got to wear lovely clothes and shoes before I grew out of them as a kid.

Buy nice things and use them, life is too short.

gotmychristmasmiracle · 25/11/2024 14:32

Yeah I don't save anything for best, I never go anywhere nice tbh, but always want to feel and look my best.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 25/11/2024 14:33

Since wfh I have started to put perfume on for zoom meetings. Somehow it makes me feel more "done" - even though I have no bra on and am wearing jogging bottoms and socks'n'stocks....

Enjoy the little things.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 25/11/2024 14:45

This thread is a validation for social media.

So many people being kind to each other, and being encouraged to make their own lives better as well.

😇

ILoveNigelTufnel · 25/11/2024 14:46

I had some lovely crockery I inherited from my grandmother that I saved ‘for best’. A couple of years ago I realised I never really had a time when I considered it ‘best’ so now I use it every day. It’s lovely and it makes me smile. None of it has been broken which I worried about but if it was, I’m not going to be upset as I have enjoyed using it.

Just got to get the same idea with clothes now… I tend to live in my ‘gardening jeans and jumper’ at weekends. They’re super comfy but I don’t need to wear them if I’m not gardening…
This thread has inspired me!

Time40 · 25/11/2024 14:46

Me and my husband have three bottles of special champagne gathering dust that we got for our wedding twelve years ago. It's ridiculous!

Drink it now! It may already be too late. Champagne can go off.

I think that sometimes we don't wear "best" clothes because they tend to be more formal, and they're not as comfortable as everyday clothes. For the past few years I've been making a point of spending more on really comfortable "everyday" clothes - so I'll get a big, generous cashmere hoodie, rather than a little slim-fitting "smart" cashmere jersey, because the hoodie will get lots more wear.

RosesAndHellebores · 25/11/2024 14:48

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 25/11/2024 14:33

Since wfh I have started to put perfume on for zoom meetings. Somehow it makes me feel more "done" - even though I have no bra on and am wearing jogging bottoms and socks'n'stocks....

Enjoy the little things.

Ha, ha. To be in a work mindset when working from home, I need to wear proper shoes :).

DH was brought up similarly to you @Mylovelylittlepetbedbug I suspect. During the first few years of marriage I really annoyed him by throwing away socks and pants worn thin or with holes. It isn't necessary.

Whilst I don't keep things for best, I do wear things out and send them to the charity shop/recycling when they get shabby or develop a hole.

NotInABox · 25/11/2024 14:56

I do this! I think it's got something to do with being careful and not extravagant /wasteful ... However, my grandfather used to say 'Best first ... best all the time!'.

caringcarer · 25/11/2024 15:06

Both my Mum and Aunty died having kept so many clothes they had never worn 'for best', china never used, nice toiletries still in its packaging put back 'for best'. The thing is the best time never comes. You are worth using your nicer things every day. I used a bone china teapot, milk jug and cup and saucer, my Mum kept for best, every single day. I've been using it for 11 years and it still looks like new. Using things like that doesn't ruin them.

caringcarer · 25/11/2024 15:15

@Bestfornever, if you don't love and care for yourself, others won't think you're worth bothering with. Put some hand cream on before you go out into the cold. Wear your good coat to keep yourself warm. Use your nice sheets on your bed and tell your Mum she can do as she pleases but you're going to care for yourself.

caringcarer · 25/11/2024 15:17

Well done @Mylovelylittlepetbedbug, you'll soon get into the swing of it. Don't forget to ask for something nice for Xmas and use it straight away before it ends up at the back of your wardrobe.

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 25/11/2024 15:29

Something else I changed was that I used to keep everything in their boxes, or keep the boxes for things as if one day I might need to sell them because they weren't really mine.
I mentally didn't own those things, I was some kind of caretaker for them.

e.g. I have tons of Wedgwood baubles for the Christmas tree which used to take up a massive box to store.
Threw away all the boxes and bought one hard plastic storage box for them so they now take up loads less space.
Same with my massive Willow Tree Christmas Nativity set, countless boxes for fish knives, Cake servers etc..

I got them all out of the boxes, threw the boxes away and literally gained back square metres of my home.
The cutlery now lives in the kitchen drawer and get used all the time, so if I get a sudden impulse to bake a cake it will get put on my everyday (used to be for best) cake plate with a nice glass dome on it, then I grab my fancy cake knife and flanged cake server and put it on my nice plates.
The Nativity set gets put in one big sturdy box which takes up less than 10% of the space it used to need, perfume is now just a bottle on the side I'm going to use, not in a box with the ribbon put back around it wrapped in the special tissue paper in the special gift bag and so on.
I even took the tags off clothes I had been waiting for 'best' to wear.
I get so much joy getting out the treasures to hang on the tree every Christmas and it's actually easier now they aren't in massive boxes.

When they were put away for best, getting those things out was a chore which made it harder to actually use them, so I was less likely to do it.

Once they were out in normal use, I finally felt like all those things were really mine in a way I hadn't felt before and I really started to enjoy using them.
I found I felt like a person who used those things as normal.
Instead of worrying about things, I enjoyed using them.

My recycling bin looked insane for a couple of weeks with all the special boxes and brands in it, but it was mentally freeing to treat my own possessions as if they were just my possessions, not obligations to pass on.

I unexpectedly started to lose my sight a few years back and I now have very little of it left.

It made me even more happy I was using those things, because I did it at a time I could see everything well enough to know how nice they looked.
I have to admit, when time came to use them, some of the things I'd been saving for best I didn't even like that much so I had got rid of those.

Giving up waiting for best was one of the most freeing things I ever did.

You never know what the future will hold, so you might as well go into it wearing your favourite earrings, smelling great with moisturised hands and a nice outfit, drinking the good coffee/tea from your best cup.

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