Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

That’s exactly why I will be telling them he’s veggie. But people are having a problem with that. I have been told that it’s better to just say he’s “nothing” rather than veggie or meat eater… but that won’t work because I need to make a choice. They aren’t going to faff about. So that’s EXACTLY why I’m saying I will be telling them to give him veggie meals (I don’t know why I need to say this so. many. times) but if he ever wants to try something, for example if they have snacks or like a school party or something and he wants to cocktail sausages, they have my permission to give them to him! people are picking apart every tiny little thing I say, trying to find fault with it. It’s just not difficult at all. I can choose what he eats while he is a baby. During this time he won’t be eating meat. As he gets older and can understand more I will be open to letting him eat more things as he chooses. That’s really all there is to it.

Because she was posting from her own point of view. In updates in response to questions from posters OP clarified that her DH was fully on board with it. Why wouldn’t he be if they’ve discussed it and he has no objections ?

It really depends on whether OP considers school starting age to be old enough to be making decisions on what he eats. I took it to mean she would wait until he was old enough to make an informed decision on whether he wants to eat meat. Which, at four years old he’s clearly not able to do, but she’s not averse to him trying it if he’s curious. That’s reasonable and not an excuse for the rest of the family to ride rough shod over the choices she’s making as a parent. If her DH is on board, their child, their choice.

Hi everyone, thanks for all coming and sharing your viewpoints. It has got to a point now where a lot of new people have joined in this evening without reading the discussions that have been going on beforehand. So a lot of the same conversations that have already been had are being said over and over again and I can’t possibly keep saying the same thing and answering the same questions for every single person that’s asks. So I won’t be replying now because its pointless.

As goes a lot on this site, you start with one question and make your post very specifically about one certain thing, but then people make it about something else. This post was about right NOW. It isn’t about what I may or may not feed my child in the future (yes I will be giving him a choice but I haven’t figured out all of the ins and outs of what that looks like yet regarding home life and school life etc). We aren’t there yet and I don’t know what will happen. All I know is that right now I’d like to not feed him meat, and I was asking for advice on how to handle that when challenged. Some people did help me with that, but the majority have also challenged me and made this about when he’s older. This post isn’t about when he’s older and when he starts school etc. I know that I have answered some of those questions but I’m all honesty I am a first time mum and I’m just trying to do the best I can as I go. I don’t know what that will look like in 4 years time, I’m just trying to figure it all out. People have really taken the time to pick apart absolutely everything I have said, twist my words, quote certain parts of my post to use against me without considering the rest of the context etc. so I’m pretty exhausted with reading now and will be going to sleep. I don’t reckon I’ll be checking this thread again in the morning. Thanks to all who have been helpful though

Good luck with raising your beautiful and healthy veggie children op.

I never once looked back, and my children have grown up to be the most empathetic, kind and super bright individuals that are at ease with the world. They now choose to be vegetarian themselves, they were given the choice once they understood what they would be eating.
My children thanked me for holding the line even when I was judged, for being strong for them. Millions grow up just like them - I believe the world would be a much kinder place if we all paused to consider any harm or pain we are causing through choice or ignorance.

Be proud of your values, and I wish you the best 🌱🌱

This is simple and straight forward, if her husband is 100% with her, he can deal with family. She doesn't have to. Even family say anything he support her. So no point of wasting her time here. she asked for advise but taking only support here is fishy.

Some of these replies are really making me laugh!

If you can provide the vitamins from other sources, why would you feed your child dead bodies? Why not wait until they're old enough, and have been educated on it, to know if they want to eat dead bodies?

Well done OP, you're a brilliant mum.

does cocktail sausages alowance make them couned for healthy veggie children. please don't be racist with people's choice of foods. This is what could be bothering op's family.

We did this with our DS OP, it's fine. We did it the same way as you- no meat until he's old enough to know what meat is and decide if he wants to try it himself. It's really not hard to get all the nutrients he needs unless you're only feeding him quorn-type processed foods. Beans, lentils, tofu, eggs etc are all very nutritious and your family are being ridiculous.

Don't be surprised though if your little one does become very interested in meat when they get older though. Mine announced he wanted to be a meat eater at age five because 'all the best dinosaurs are carnivores.' So I took him to the shop and let him choose some to try, he chose ham. He wasn't keen when he tried it, but since he's been old enough to ask about eating meat, I've said he's welcome to try it and eat it at his friends' houses etc but at home, I cook veggie food. He's veggie almost all of the time but makes an exception for his friend's mum's homemade sausage rolls, which I have no issue with at all.

Please explain the connection between cocktail sausages and racism, because I am baffled.

If op kindly allow him to eat cocktail sausages at school friends parties and kid like to eat them, still you want to award healthy veggie children? doesn't it sound against non-vegitarians?

We allowed child to eat everything so that he can decide in future what he want to be. DH is vegitarian and I eat Hindu meal. my brother tried to make DS guilty for eating beef. so he decided to stop eating beef. My brother's point could he should be growing up as Healthy non-beaf eater.

It is easy for vagitarians to make meat eaters guilty. who ever claim other diets are healthy and proud with that diet sounds rasist for me. I asked my child do you like it, said yes. Then he should not bothered about racists right?

Some people even taking the food as dead bodies. I should thank OP for disclosing these many food racists including one herself .

People are asking you to clarify things you have said, because there have been times where you have said one thing then contradicted it or a few times completely denied you've said it. The reason I was asking you to clear up the contradictions is because I think it may actually be actually relevant to the problem with your family.

Your first post says that you will not be allowing your DS to eat meat in the house, that even if he is older and has decided that he likes it he's not going to be allowed to have any meat when he's at home, to which your parents have said is wrong and accused you of forcing your beliefs on your child by doing that, along with the fact that you originally said at 4 you would still ask people not to give him meat as he would not be old enough to choose for himself.

You've now explained it in a further post that you're not sure what will happen in the future and how you may deal with it, but you were pretty adamant in your first posts that he would be raised as a vegetarian until he was much older than 4, and it was your right as a parent to 'force that belief on him', if that was the extreme stance you took with your family, It's not surprising they are ganging up on you a bit now.

Maybe next time it comes up say it is your rights as parents to feed your baby as you choose, and you'd like them to support and respect that, and once he is old enough and showing an interest in trying and eating meat (whatever age that is) then you will be happy to let them explore that as you have put in the post above, it sounds much less rigid and extreme than your first post.

So now you are saying that vegetarians are 'food racists'? That not wanting to eat meat and bringing your child up as a vegetarian makes you a 'food racist'?

People can be racist about food, sneering at and not wanting to eat food from other cultures.

Being a vegetarian and even referring to meat as 'dead bodies', isn't racist.

Whether you choose to eat meat or not, it's not a controversial finding that meat comes from dead bodies of animals (unless people are eating live animals, in which case the animals are probably going to be dead at the end of that process too, so there's likely to still be a dead body of an animal in that scenario too).

I mentioning about some vegetarians who talk like racists

Yeah scientists also found plants has life , then why arn't same people coining words like dead plants ??? and what, vegetables are immature plant material? come on! descriptions should not offend others?

Not sure what your point is, really. An animal dies in the process of meat production. Some people care about different elements of that, usually more than about plants, given the evidence that animals can feel pain, fear, etc. That's part of why there are so many debates about animal welfare, slaughter, etc. If you experience that as offensive to you, I'd genuinely be interested in why - I don't personally find it offensive to recognise that an animal died in the process of meat getting to a dining table, but maybe there are other perspectives I'm missing?

Jagadish Chandra Bose was a multi-talented Indian scientist who also invented wireless communication. Jagadish Chandra Bose proved that plants are like any other life form. He proved that plants have a definite life cycle, a reproductive system and are aware of their surroundings.

So feel free to call meat and plant based food at par or else correct your mind

The point is it’s your child and absolutely nothing to do with anyone else what you feed your baby.

@BeJollyNewt cone on, plants are not like any other life form. They are alive, sure. They have a lifecycle so in that basis there’s similarities.

But they lack a central nervous system and a brain so respond to external stimulus in a completely different way. They also can’t run or swim so are much easier to catch to eat.

We are animals not plants but we don’t tend to eat (depending on the country) certain types of animal. Dogs and cats in Europe, horse in the UK and Ireland. Spiders and scorpions in Europe all of which are relatively common elsewhere.

For our part we are a vegetarian family. It was no issue at school or for birthday parties for my child. We got comments from family and a little from other mums around weaning and toddler stage when they realised that not only was my child thriving but he was eating a far larger variety of food then their child and much less processed food so I found myself giving recipes.

i paid a lot of attention to nutrition. I didn’t sweat gelatine in Haribo or marshmallows but did explain to DS that they were often not vegetarian and he happily ate them knowing that. Now he’s older he’s very firmly committed to being veggie with these small exceptions.

I find some of the attitudes generally across this thread odd but not surprising as people not eating meat seems to get backs up like nothing else.

@Foxtails if you read this, my advice is not to bother justifying yourself. Say DC is veggie to school and others who might be feeding them until DC starts asking about it. I promise, outside of your family (who’ll give up eventually) most won’t be all that bothered. Nine times out of ten they’ll just be serving cheese and tomato pizza at parties. I found I didn’t even have to tell people DS was veggie all the time, food at parties often pre ordered. And you just say he’ll have the pizza or tomato pasta. cheese sandwich or whatever. And school will definitely have veggie choices and increasingly so due to meat free Mondays and reducing carbon footprint.

There are key differences between animals and plants, but even if you prefer to refer to non-meat food as dead plants in line with your own interpretations, I don't actually find that offensive. It's you using a term which you consider to accurately reflect the state of an item of food.

What makes it offensive for you, for people to speak about the status of animals in meat production? Many people hunt, kill and/or prepare their own meat, or have witnessed that. At one stage, there's an animal that's alive, and then there's an animal that's dead. That's not really something that can be hidden from, if you watch or participate in the processes. It's also not necessarily an accusation or condemnation of you as someone who eats meat. It's just a description of the events which get that meat to your table. What do you find offensive about talking about it?

Wishing you all the best OP. You sound like a lovely mum

There’s something about vegetarianism that always brings out the ‘start a fight in an empty room’ brigade 😂

I’ve been vegetarian for over 40 years. I brought my daughter up as a vegetarian (which is how she’s chosen to remain) and simply stated her vegetarianism as a given when she went to nursery school. For a while the children took packed lunches and, with absolutely no input from me, my daughter (then aged 3) handled any difficulties. When her neighbour at the table tried to convince my daughter to trade her cheese sandwich for a ham one, S replied, “You do know that’s dead pig!”, and that was that! Mind you, she did almost get expelled 🫣

She’s a bit more tactful these days 😂

@whyhere that was what I was like as a kid too! My DC's reaching that stage, wondering about chicken and fish, in particular.

There’s something about vegetarianism that always brings out the ‘start a fight in an empty room’ brigade.

Agreed. I'm not a vegetarian but I will always support someone else's choice to be one.

I think some people know that factory farming methods are terrible, they know a lot of what they eat is processed carcinogenic crap...but they like it so they ignore that information. Vegetarians annoy them by doing better.