To not take DD to birthday party today

[Whoosher]

DD6 is invited to her friends birthday party today. It’s a craft party at a venue.

DD and friend are in the same class at school and half the class is invited. They also attend the same dance class every Sunday. Friend’s mom text in the dance group today saying friend was poorly with sickness so won’t be coming to class, this was about 10am

anyway, party is still on.. and she hasn’t told any of the other parents that the birthday child is sick. I don’t want to take DD now, as I don’t want to risk her getting poorly and passing it to the whole family, we had a sickness bug a month ago and it was horrible.

AIBU to say to the mom that she won’t be attending due to her child being ill?

also, should I warn the other parents? Two of whom are my close friends.

Is she definitely ill? Or did mum say that to explain her absence from dancing if the teacher is in the chat?

I’d check that first and go from there.

Mum will have paid up front for the venue, so a whole bunch of you not turning up will be cruel.

She might have just been fibbing to the dance teacher,: as ' we're busy getting ready for a party' might not go down well?

Did the text say she had been sick that day? Otherwise dance class could have been at the end of 48hrs of no sickness. Or she could have just been saying it as an excuse. If you’re close to the mum I’d ask a few casual Qs first.

I just assume that when one kid gets sick that they are all going to get sick so don’t really worry about it tbh. I’d still go. Fairly sure I’ve picked up a flu from a class party I went to, tis the season and all that.

I would message the mum directly and bluntly ask what's happening regarding the party if she's sick? I wouldn't think it would be an excuse to get out of the dance group, it seems an odd excuse to use.

I’d assumed she’s said that so she can miss the class and not pay?
but I’d still go to the party

This but don't be rude just direct

Sounds possible that they had other plans yesterday (pre birthday celebrations / shopping etc) and couldn’t be bothered with the dance teachers eye rolls.
Also possible that she was sick Friday am, stayed home yesterday and is now fine and past the 48 hours of infection.
If they have been at school together, chances are they will either get it or not anyway.

Most likely it was a fib to excuse absence from dance class in build up to party excitement.

However, if you can somehow check and if she was in fact vomiting in last 24 hours (ideally 48) then I would put in apologies. I have done this in the past - “so sorry we can’t come, due to vulnerable family members we need to avoid exposure to anyone who has had vomiting in the last 48 hours”

I agree verify the sickness issue with the mum.

Are you sure the mum wasn't just making an excuse to get her DD out of attending the class?

Depends how serious the dance group is. Some ballet teachers are brutal about any absence other than illness.

I would assume it's a white lie because dance class and a party in the same day is too much. Can you not just text her and ask what the score is?

I agree.

If she messaged the dance group around 10am, I'm surprised you haven't already sent a message to the birthday girl's mum asking if the party is still on.

I'd take it with a pinch of salt tbh.

I agree to message and ask what’s happening with the party, it’s probably an excuse.

The kids are 5/6 going by the OPs post. Are dance classes seriously so strict for such young children?

I suspect this.

I'd assume it's an excuse to get out of dance because they're getting ready for the party 😏

She said she was up all night being sick
dance class is really relaxed, people are missing most weeks so no one would have judged/eye rolled
and we pay termly so she hasn’t saved any fees by not going today

seems an odd excuse if it’s not true, surely you’d say she’s tired, or that her sibling is unwell, or anything else really other than the dreaded sickness bug

also, another boy from the school class is also sick this weekend so it’s definitely doing the rounds

I’ll try to verify before I decide but I’m not close to this mom at all, think we’ve spoken about 3 times

Ooh that's a bit strange. If the mum said she was too unwell to go to dance, I would think that would mean she's also too unwell for her birthday party. If it's a contagious illness then it's unfair to the guests.
I'd probably ask the parent what the illness is. It might be that she was concerned about the physical effort involved in dancing and she thinks her child will be fine with sitting down at the party.

However I would not be surprised if it's purely down to the cost of the party Vs dance class and not wanting to lose the money or upset her daughter by cancelling.
If I found out it was something contagious I'd be tempted to tell the other guests too, especially if you are close friends.

Since birthday girl was up all night being sick, I would ask the mum to contact the venue to reschedule the party.

Also dance class is 10:30-11:15, party isn’t until 3.30pm and down the road, no prep from parent as venue supplies everything including food

I’ve text and asked how friend is feeling and if the party is still on

I wouldn't. It's none of ops business if the mum rescedules

Yeah it is as she is invited to the party. It’s totally her business too. The mum would want to know if invitees are asking for a reschedule especially if it’s that or no show.