To not take DD to birthday party today

[Whoosher]

DD6 is invited to her friends birthday party today. It’s a craft party at a venue.

DD and friend are in the same class at school and half the class is invited. They also attend the same dance class every Sunday. Friend’s mom text in the dance group today saying friend was poorly with sickness so won’t be coming to class, this was about 10am

anyway, party is still on.. and she hasn’t told any of the other parents that the birthday child is sick. I don’t want to take DD now, as I don’t want to risk her getting poorly and passing it to the whole family, we had a sickness bug a month ago and it was horrible.

AIBU to say to the mom that she won’t be attending due to her child being ill?

also, should I warn the other parents? Two of whom are my close friends.

I don't think you are being rude by declining, illness is something unforeseen. Would be rude just not turning up.

I understand birthday Mum must be torn and upset, to cancel at this point she’d probably lose the whole party and have a very sad child. It is something I dread every year with children with winter birthdays!

But there is no way it is responsible to host a birthday party if the birthday child has a stomach bug and been up all night sick - completely unfair to the child, the other kids and families or the poor venue.

I’d probably not interfere or warn others, but I would message birthday Mum and say that I’m sorry, I’m not happy to expose my child to a vomiting bug and that therefore my child can’t come.

If you’re going to warn other parents, don’t be sneaky about it. Make sure you actually tell the birthday child’s mum what you’ve done. And if you’re not going then obviously tell her about that too.

Me too and feeling poorly does not automatically mean having an infection. She could just be over-excited about her birthday party, you know what children are like.

Not to take your child and to warn others is a bit OTT. It's alarmist, the poor kid could end up with no guests at her party, Billie no-mates!

She's probably OK now. If she did have something infectious the chances are other kids in her class will have it too.

In that case, no, we wouldn't be going. Yuk.

I really don't understand the logic of those saying she's probably already passed it on to your daughter so she might as well go. I'm guessing those saying that are the people who don't follow the 48 hours sickness rules in schools and nurseries?

I still think it's possible she's not actually poorly, despite the class being fairly relaxed. She might have missed a class or two recently or just have felt awkward. Easiest thing is to text the mum and ask, and if she confirms sickness bug then you just say really sorry, we can't risk it due to vulnerable family member

Very simple, “so sorry I think dd might be getting the bug your dd has, she’s got a fever, pale and says tummy hurts so we are going to have to miss.” That way she can still go to school tomorrow as fever and pain stopped with a bit of paracetamol, no vomiting occurred.

So she replied and said that party is still on because the birthday girl was sad to cancel it

no mention about the sickness, didn’t say oh she’s not actually ill, or she’s feeling better or anything

So she's obviously unwell and the parent doesn't actually care if her child then makes others sick. I would definitely be letting the other parents know.

Ooh I'd find it hard to resist sending a honest reply about what I thought of this. Nothing rude, just not a polite "oh ok, hope she feels better" that I imagine she's assuming you'll send.

I doubt I'd be able to come up with wording I was happy with though.

I understand her child might be disappointed, but I can't believe she's going ahead with the party. 😲

You should explain your DD won't be attending, and I also think you need to inform the other guests. They might still choose to attend the party, but at least they'll be making the decision with prior knowledge of the illness.

That’s awful of her, sick bugs are so contagious and she’s been ill that same day. I wouldn’t be sending my dd and I would warn everyone going.

Then I’d reply and say, that’s very sad for your dd but you think it’s better if you didn’t take the risk of spreading the bug and making multiple children unwell so unfortunately you’ll have to miss seeing her.

I would reply in the group with party chat saying that youre disappointed but you cant risk catching a sickness bug so you arent going to the party, but maybe they could do a playdate at another time to make uo for it.

A couple of years ago I canceled my own dd's party last minute, because it was at our house, and my other dd had just come down with severe vomiting. People seemed quite baffled that I would cancel for that reason, and even a bit annoyed, ungrateful sods. But at least we didn't spread norovirus to school 😏

YANBU X

I’ve cancelled my kids parties before because of illness. A lot of venues are very understanding and will rearrange. Of course the kids could still catch the bug/already have but knowingly having a party with a poorly child probably won’t go down well with most parents.

The venue probably won't want their staff to get it, or for parents to associate their child catching norovirus with their business and tell their friends.

I wouldn't be happy with this. Has the child passed the 48 hours and if so are they sending them to school tomorrow? Hate it when people don't adhere to the 48 hours but even if it was close to then (which it doesnt sound like this is) the poor child is more than likely to be feeling rubbish at the party.

There is one parent in one of DC class who doesnt stick to the 48 hours - child vomited at school and my husband saw them out in a cafe the following day!

I know it's too late now, but I probably would've text something along the lines of "oh sorry to hear NAME is unwell with a sickness bug, I assume the party is cancelled?"

I personally wouldn't want to go to a party knowing the birthday girl was vomiting repeatedly the night before...

I can't think of anything more miserable than having to attend a birthday party (even my own) in the aftermath of a sickness bug.

My DD was up at 3am yesterday being sick and she was feeling better by about 10am yesterday. However no way she was up for anything more than a bath, laying on the sofa and eating ginger biscuits yesterday (and she's still wiped out today!). So selfish of the mum in many ways but I also kind of understand why someone would go ahead. Assume there is zero option to reschedule at this late stage so it's either cancel or go ahead?

In your situation OP I think I'd cancel. I'd probably tell a white lie about "having a very important week with work and not wanting to take any chances with illness"

It really is if what she has is contagious she will make other children ill. My DD ended up in hospital fighting for her life because she picked up a bug at school. She couldn't keep her medication down. Her health condition is difficult to control as it is even when she has meds in her system.

Parent thought it was just something child had eaten so sent them in. Baring in mind this is a SEN school there's a lot of children there with life limiting health conditions. One child had recently returned to school in remission from cancer treatment. Now that's utterly selfish.

So selfish of the mother. What about all the guests who'll come with lovely gifts only to end up getting sick and missing school and other important things. Their parents not being able to go to work because of their sick dc.

I'm pretty grossed out that nobody seems to have any principles other than to suit and serve themselves anymore. It's truly depressing. Does nobody do the right thing anymore? 😡

And the mother is not the sharpest tool in the shed either, I mean if you're going to host a D&V party, try and be a bit more discrete? No? I hope the birthday girl doesn't end up being sick again at the party. 😷😷

I know these parties cost a small fortune which she wouldn’t be able to get back and everyone will be looking forward to it, but I think it’s really irresponsible of the mum to go ahead with it if her DC has been throwing up within 48 hours of it. Especially without warning attendees.

I would probably message the mum something along the lines of: So sorry to hear X was up half the night being sick. Hope she’s feeling better. We really need to void bugs if we can so DD will not be coming this afternoon, but I do hope it goes well and everyone has a great time.