To hate that he locks the door when we're home

[LotteryFights]

Our front door is always locked as it goes straight onto the road & we never use it. Instead we use the backdoor was goes out to the garden and then through the garden gate onto a side road where the car is parked.

H is highly anxious. For example every single morning without fail he messages me saying 'drop off ok?' (I drop the kids off before I go to work) and i have to write 'yes' or he'll call me and i'll be in meetings and he calls and calls.

When he leaves the house at the weekend and me and DC (primary school) are home, we are in the back room/snug thing which is where the back door is and he will leave by this door and then use his key to lock the back door from the outside. Of course I'm not locked in as I can just unlock it but it's so weird to me. We are home, watching telly or playing and he is outside locking us in. If I wanted to lock the back door while we were at home - i could do it.

And then when he comes back and it's unlocked as i've popped into garden - he will ask why it's unlocked. He's not angry but he's geniunely expecting a response - and I find myself explaining myself to him like a kid!

He think I'm the weird one and he's keeping us safe. I makes me uncomfortable - which he says is my issue.

AIBU to feel hate it?

I think the door locking is not the issue. The issue is OP having to explain herself to her husband and his standards being mandatory. Myself and DH have different ideas about many things. Sometimes I insist but other times I have to take the view of 'he is a responsible parent and I trust his judgement'.

Op I think you will have to stop justifying everything and get some stock replies like "please don't ask me to explain myself again on this matter" until he gets the message. Put your phone in your drawer at work and call him back when it suits you.

I believe that is one of the most said security advice around Christmas because of the burglary spikes.

Did he live somewhere bit dodgy before?

As an ex police officer I am sure you know that leaving the keys in the door can help people access your house with certain types of lock.
We were burgled while I was asleep upstairs and DH was away, this was pre dog and I only realised when I woke up freezing cold and went downstairs and found the door wide open. The key was still in the lock but the door bolt thingy was sticking out.
A Police Officer visited (the good old days) and told me that there is a way of opening a lock from the outside if you leave the keys in .
They just grabbed my bag and DH's watch off the kitchen table but as I was a lone female in bed upstairs it could have been quite nasty.
Keys need to be easily accessible in case of fire but not IN the door (unless its a Yale or similar)

I’ve had numerous attempts on my house, many when I’m in! They’ve even tried to crow bar the back door. I’m with your DH here as long as you have easy access to a key to get out.

I don't think I would mind this, definitely wouldn't hate it.

Being at home doesn’t prevent a potential
intruder trying your door to gain entry. I live in a flat in a small block and I ALWAYS lock myself in and put the chain on as soon as I’m home. I can’t be certain that an intruder can’t gain entry through the communal door so I want to be sure I’m totally secure in my own flat. I couldn’t relax in my living room if I knew the door was unlocked.

My ex-partner in our previous home knew I was very security conscious, and would deliberately refuse to lock the front door or use the chain even when going to bed at the top of the house. In fact, she would UNDO the chain if I put it on! She lives alone in that house now and still refuses to lock her door when at home, even at night. I think it’s reckless to neglect home security.

There seem to be a lot of different ideas on the thread, I'm wondering really if we all have different locks and set ups, how can there just be a blanket YABU to the OP? I explained a few posts up that a key left in the inside lock of our house front door would mean you'd need a locksmith to get back in, whereas others - the ex-police posters? - saying that leaving the key in makes it easier to break in.

Door locking seems to be a thing in UK, but i wouldn't want my only exit being locked if the key is not actually in the lock so i could get out in an emergency without having to put the key in the lock.

The constant checking? if he were my DH that would be knocked right on the head. (anyone calling me when i'm in a meeting for anything other than literal life and death would be getting very short shrift and i wouldn't be answering again)

Your DH may need therapy to handle your attitude to this if it is a compulsion in him though. (alternatively: he takes over school drop off so he can see for himself)

And this has never happened to me in 15 years of living here, or any of my neighbours, or any of my local friends.

It's about risk assessment, isn't it. OP's husband is very very risk averse and perceives that leaving the door unlocked is a massive risk, even when OP is in, and sitting 1m from the door. Then chastises her like a child when she doesn't agree to his risk assessment. Her risk assessment is that the risk of an intruder coming in is not high, given her personal situation/circumstances, location of house, environment, etc etc etc. But her opinion is dismissed by her husband, who insists he's right, she's wrong and scolds her for not doing what he tells her to do.

Not healthy.

Why can’t you help the situation by sending him a quick ‘Drop off all fine. Love you’ text rather than waiting for him to message you and then getting annoyed about it. It’s a small, simple, easy thing to do, especially as you know that is something he worries about.

Our doors are always locked, even when we are in the house. There have been break ins in our area where someone has walked in through the unlocked door and stolen a handbag and one had their car keys stolen and they drove of with their car. He is trying to keep you all safe.

I know tons of people who’ve been robbed while in the house as they’ve left the door unlocked, during the day I always have the chain on at the very least, then lock and take key out at night, it’s hung right next to the door in case of emergency.

This will sound dramatic but it is completely true. Many years ago, at least twenty five years, a colleague at my then workplace told us about an absolutely terrifying experience her neighbour had. Her neighbour was alone in the house one morning as her husband and children had gone to work and school. They had patio sliding doors out into a secure garden. She went upstairs to get washed and dressed and as she was nearly finished a man suddenly appeared in her bedroom doorway. His intent was obvious but by some miracle she managed to fight him off and get down stairs and out the front door. He had climbed over the garden six foot fence and come in via the unlocked patio door.

He was eventually caught and it was found he had a long list of victims. The police told her she had had a very close call. From that day on we have never left a downstairs door unlocked unless we are in the actual room with the door.

My doors are pretty much always unlocked. My ex used to lock them all the time and it used to drive me mad having to search for my keys if there was a knock at the door or something. But he was just trying to keep us/the house safe and never said anything about me always leaving it unlocked.. He’d just lock it!

Saying that, we were all sat watching tv in my lounge one day when a strange man just walked in and said “Oh! Sorry! This isn’t Claire’s house!?” And walked out again…

But I think your problems are not just about the doors, they’re about his anxiety that he is making you a part of. He needs to seek help about it and stop reassuring him all the time because it’s just perpetuating it.

I agree with this, especially if the window is on the street. Could make you a target for thieves. I'd pop them under on Christmas Eve to find in the morning.

i lok mine but live in a busy town so it makes sense

my sil never loks her oor most of her life lived in the ountry i just coulnt ddo it

I’m with him. Curtains closed the whole time, tree away from the window and presents can go under. They don’t go under if it’s seen from the window. My family are the same.

We also don’t leave our door unlocked at all.

Yes we don’t have locks which need an internal key here (except shops with glass doors). I think its very unsafe to have to know where the key is or leave it in the lock in order to be able to escape. Children can’t always find the key in an emergency. Our door licks automatically from the outside perspective but you don’t need a key to leave.

It is stifling. I only lock doors when I'm going to be asleep. Having been brought up by someone with OCD that bent everyone to their anxious ways I'm the polar opposite with my dc/partners/ friends.

Possibly he is a little over-anxious with the calling thing if he doesn't hear from you after drop-off, but the door thing, why don't you lock it? Maybe you live somewhere nicer than we do, but there's no way I'd leave the front/back/side doors unlocked at all!

We lock the door even if other people are home when we leave. We all do it. Me, DH, our teenagers.
Actually thinking about it I'm not sure why we do. Front door leads on to a main road but the back doesn't. Probably just got in to the habbit when the kids were young and going through a stage of playing with the door.
Don't think I'd care if the door wasn't locked though.

Our lovely but eccentric elderly neighbour let herself in a couple of times when we first moved here, shouting "cooey" as our front door has a handle. We started locking our front door after that but we are quite lax about it during the day.
I would be a bit concerned about his behaviour, sounds a bit over the top tbh.

It wouldn't bother me him locking when he leaves, but the questioning why it was unlocked when he got home would. It would make me feel like I was a child having to explain my actions.
We always have out front door locked as it's right on the street. Our back door however is pretty much always unlocked as the garden is not accessible, and if anyone did get in I'm sure a locked door wouldn't stop them trying to get in the house.

This would infuriate me. Is he receiving treatment? Compromise works both ways.