Update - where’s the new Guardian Soulmates?

[Snowfish79]

Having stumbled upon the above topic via dear Google…. I wonder if any wise and informed persons have an answer?

I may be shot for being a boy, in a girls’ place…. Please make it quick 🙏🏻

I didn’t tell you to fuck off, just to clarify.

You’re posting in a female dominated space and STILL expecting and demanding that women answer and explain. You’ve been told repratedly what you’re doing that is irritating but instead you’re still here pushing for more female attention.

Not unlike, men in other female only spaces, for fucks sake.

For fuck’s sake. I’m not ‘pushing for more female attention’.

I am (still) wanting to know what I could / should have done differently.

I’d be happy with a response from a man or woman.

To be honest, I understand the points made kindly by the other member - but I still don’t think it’s unreasonable for the people who’ve chosen to criticise to actually follow through. This is literally telling someone the are going the wrong way to the shopping centre but refusing to tell them the right way.

OR all of the people making negative comments could have simply not. Just scroll on by.

You have been obnoxious and rude in virtually all your posts, I see one has even been taken down due to breaking guidelines of the group…. If you want men to behave differently, you could’ve been proactive in doing that instead of taking your time writing obnoxious and unhelpful comments. Maybe you don’t want men to change because you then won’t be able to complain about them?

The “we want men to change but we are not going to tell them how as they need to work it out for themselves” argument is surely going to give very slow results and really defies logic.

What HAS happened is that a reasonable man (I’m not perfect but I’m not the worst!) has just been annoyed and frustrated by this whole topic. If you keep kicking a dog and telling it to ‘behave’, you really think it’s going to work? Or will the dog eventually bite you? And then you can say ‘I knew that dog was bad all along’

It isn’t our job to make you, or teach you, or dogs, how to behave.

The only change I’d like to see in your behaviour, is to recognise that you’re in a female dominated and focussed space and are still demanding interaction and attention and clearly dislike it when that’s pointed out to you.

And it’s interesting that you frame my and similar responses as rude and obnoxious. You’re EXACTLY the same as previous posters have described. You might not like it, or identify with it, but you are.

You haven’t had the responses you’ve wanted. “I still want to know what I should have done differently.” How about posting somewhere that isn’t the online equivalent of a female changing room, whilst simultaneously demanding attention and education. So picture yourself there and you may start to understand the responses you’ve got. If you can. You don’t have to share your reflections, incidentally. It’s ok to have private thoughts.

My post where I called you a twat was removed as it’s classed as a personal insult, rather than a descriptor.

I’m wondering now, given your tenacity to garner attention in THIS place, whether you’re actually way more non-mainstream than the average.

Girl-mode, anyone?

And. What entitles you to ‘speak’ to me with the level of respect that you have - ie zero? From your very first post your attitude has been ‘ugh, a man’. Yes, I am a man. I am also an individual and I deserve the same level of respect as anybody else here - which means not making multiple accusations and assumptions and not posting insults.

Yes, if this conversation was taking place in a ladies’ loo - fine. Tell me to get out. I have no right to be there. This is not that place. Men and women have equal rights here.

Incidentally, I think ‘safe’ spaces for women are very important, and I am quite disturbed and confused by the potential compromise made to those spaces by trans people. But THIS is not such a space.

Yes, many more women on here. Like Pistonheads is many more men. But guess what; if a woman posts on a male dominated group asking for advice - in my experience she is treated with the same respect as the men. Probably more, due to some awareness that it’s not always easy to venture into a space where you are in some way a minority.

You are behaving exactly like you’d maybe expect and rightly criticise men for doing. “You silly girl! You can’t change a wheel! You’re not strong enough, and if you need to ask, you shouldn’t be doing it! And you women are always asking us blokes these types of questions! And, this is really a blokes group so why don’t you skip off back to the kitchen”. Only, that isn’t how most men treat women.

@Snowfish79 I have a question for you.

A man comes to my place of work (public facing) every week. Every single week. And he has asked me to go out with him, in various scenarios. I say no. Every time. Politely, less politely, firmly, very firmly.

How do I make him stop? What are the magic words, please?

You can’t hear.

You don’t have the right to come on to a female dominated and focussed space and demand the interaction you think you’re entitled to. And yet despite being told that again and again, you’re still here, attention seeking. And simultaneously demanding “equal rights.” And whining about it! The entitlement is breathtaking.

I’m afraid I don’t follow

And amusingly, despite this being your first post and clearly misfiring repeatedly, feel you are entitled to redefine the focus of the entire site. Wow.

Oh yes you do.

And the reason I ask is, as has been outlined here, this man thinks me unreasonable to decline. It is my place of work, where I am a professional woman. He sees that I am there to serve him. That of course I would be flattered to be asked, that I would jump at the chance.

I also have male customers who touch me. I have had stalking cases opened and closed.

Do you see?

This site feels like (somewhat) of a safe space. It actually feels frightening (not sure of the right word) when a man sitcks his foot in the door and elbows his way in, demanding attention, calling us 'girls', being defensive and complaining that we aren't falling over ourselves to educate and inform you.

I can't even go to my place of work and not be expected to cater to a man without receiving unwanted attention or hostility when I assert my boundaries.

Do you see?

Oh crumbs. That sounds very annoying indeed!

I’m not sure if this is a trick question?!

If I were in that situation I think I would probably pre-empt the person asking, with a non offensive comment such as “oh hello, what’s it going to be today? An offer of a meal, or a film?”. Make a bit of a joke of it.

Assuming that all the “Thanks for asking but I am married / gay / don’t find you attractive, could you please stop asking me” approaches have been exhausted.

I suspect I know where this is going….

Ah yes. I thought it was likely going there!

Maybe this group should not allow men to join?

Maybe you should get a different job 🤷🏻‍♂️

Yes you do see, of course because you know exactly what you’re doing.

A diiferent job!!!!!! Brilliant.

Yes, I shall give it a good long thought that I must QUIT MY JOB, the job that I love very much, that I feel very passionately about, because a man feels entitled to persistently test my boundaries.

Oh shit. What an answer.

No. I don’t. That’s why I said. Obviously I can’t ask what you mean as that’s not allowed, but I don’t follow, all the same.

To assume makes an ass out of u and me, as the saying goes

Well; don’t quit your job. You didn’t say anything positive about it - only about the bad behaviour of men. I suggested a different job based on that, then you tell me you love the job. So keep it 🤷🏻‍♂️

But do you understand my situation's relevance to this thread?

What? I’m lost again. Assume what you like, I can’t stop you doing that. But your assumptions may not be correct 🤷🏻‍♂️

So you posted here allegedly for dating advice and managed to piss off other posters, who have repeatedly told you that regardless of what you, a male with no experience of the site or indeed women’s lives is like, this represents their safe space. And you’re still here. Doing the internet equivalent of standing in the women’s changing rooms, pissing on the toilet seat.

Clearly that’s where you get your kicks. As I said, girl-mode. Google it, Eddie.

OOOoooh don't upset the man! We're not allowed to do that!

To a degree.

I don’t think that you should be treated that way in your job.

Your world is a million light years from mine. Probably not relevant, but I may not be the man that you or others imagine.

For me, the key difference is that anyone posting here is doing so by choice. They are not obliged to, and I have not imposed myself on anyone. People have chosen to make comments, a lot that have been critical (not all). In my view, I think if you volunteer a criticism then I am not being unreasonable in asking how to avoid the criticism. But then, my asking becomes the subject of more criticism! I’m not asking you, just trying to explain my point of view. I am not all these men who have caused these women to feel this way.

If you went up to a man in the street and said “oh my god man! That jacket! Yuk! Purple does NOT look good on you”….. he says “oh really, ok…. Do you think red would be better? Or another colour?” ….. you respond with “fucking MEN! We cannot solve all your problems! Stop asking me for the answers! You bastard! Leave me alone!” This scenario seems utterly bizarre to me and totally counter productive. And would be equally so with the sexes reversed. Or with two women. Or two men

That’s how I see it

I think we live in different worlds Lizzie. You are making judgements and assumptions based on your world.

I literally have no idea what your comments mean. Only that they are thinly veiled insults.

I was not aware that this was a ‘women’s safe space’. I suggest you contact the management and suggest they advise all men accordingly. Nighty night