Update - where’s the new Guardian Soulmates?

[Snowfish79]

Having stumbled upon the above topic via dear Google…. I wonder if any wise and informed persons have an answer?

I may be shot for being a boy, in a girls’ place…. Please make it quick 🙏🏻

reeling continuously due to Gaza, Ukraine, the American election…. Wondering where human kindness, understanding and empathy have gone. It seems there is almost exclusively polarisation and defensiveness

god are we to blame for those too?

He was referring to my post....

Are you OK?

I guess I’ll just watch now? I don’t understand many of the comments and assume that literally any response I make would be torn to shreds, word by word

You didn't get the healthy discussion you wanted maybe because of a few things. You reference finding a post from six months ago with the info in it you're after, a lot of women don't like being referred to as girls, or females, it get's one's back up. AIBU is short for Am I Being Unreasonable, and posts in AIBU usually include a question relating to this.

In this case you've had some answers that indicate that YABU, and the self flagellation, performative deference and poor me hasn't gone down well.

All the best with meeting a female.

There is someone on another thread who is (probably) female and looking for a new friend so perhaps look for that.

Seriously OP.

Women aren't firing rockets at children in Gaza, attacking Ukraine and nor are they Trump. Those are men and men's deeds you're talking about.

I think you're getting a rough time from the off because when your use of the term "girls" was criticised you went all brittle about it. Men with fragile egos are tiring to deal with. Too many women are probably still married to dudes like this and don't have the bandwidth to face them online too.

It's ok for some women to object to the term "girls" you know? You, as a man, really don't have the right to police that. But it's also ok to get stuff wrong or disagree or whatever.... Just don't demand that women conform to gender stereotypes of deference and helpfulness in this uniquely female dominated place.

Women aren't a receptacle to cater for your every need. We are simply humans of the opposite sex. No more and no less

I'm not trying to make you piss off. If anything, I think you should hang around and try and see things from women's perspective if you're intent on dating women.

Thanks🙂

My question was a genuine one, and was I think phrased as ‘update’ - as in maybe things had changed and people had found other options.

I take your points and am grateful for you making them. At the same time I feel that if I’d not mentioned my gender the responses would have been entirety different!

I frequently interchange boy/girl/man/woman/male/female/lady etc - no offence intended to anyone.

The Aibu thing I didn’t really understand to be honest. I just wanted to ask the question.

I don’t fully understand the ‘psych’ terms you used - not denying they may be true. To be honest I was just trying to defend myself from the onslaught!

I think I have become attracted to men over the last hour. Will be heading over to dadsnet 🙏🏻

Bon voyage, I think you'll be fine there.

Off you pop.

I refuse to believe that you use the terms “men” and “boys” interchangeably in the same context as you would “women” and “girls”.

Have you ever told someone “I work with a boy who does X/Y/Z”?

And trust me, revealing your sex on your opening post had very little to do with how this thread has gone. A woman posting that she was looking for a site to meet “boys” would have been met with the same derision.

You doubled down though and showed your true intent- a man who sees women as some form of emotional support blanket.

I see little point in responding to this. A whole bunch of you have added 2+2 and got ten, I can only assume due to your own bad experiences.

Yes, in hindsight my use of the word ‘girls’ was not the best choice. That’s it. I was then attacked for that and tried to explain that I did not mean any offence. Yes, if I’d said ‘men / girls’ I can see that would be inconsistent - but I had thought that ‘boys/girls’ simply implied ‘lightness’. ‘Girlfriend’, ‘girls’ Night etc are in common usage. On the flip side, ‘guys’ is often used as a generic term for ‘people’ - so I’m sorry, I’d not realised it would press so many people’s buttons - but I have apologised for causing offence - multiple times.

Going the other way, it seems that while I have been crucified for the use of one word, it’s totally fine for others to make multiple assumptions, direct criticisms and attacks on my whole person.

I am not looking for anyone as an emotional blanket. I just expect people to behave in a considerate and at least relatively kind way.

No doubt this post will be torn to shreds and psychoanalysed as well - but as someone else posted, this is a no-win situation

If this is genuine: I used guardian soulmates about 12/13 years ago and really liked it. Met some nice men. Nothing lasted but made some friends. Unfortunately I think it's gone for good...not heard anything about it returning.

Why do men almost invariably post in this weird flowery toe-curlingly self-conscious way? Makes me cringe every time.

I think you mean a woman. 🧐

Yes. A woman.

I don’t really get why ‘female’ is offensive. It’s how people are are often described objectively….. ‘the suspect is a white male in his early twenties’ - for example

I’m sorry to have made you cringe. How would you like me to phrase the question?

Also; do you think it’s respectful / ok to make a comment which is critical and generalising and not addressing my question at all?

I hate 'female'. Cold and dehumanising, and it being used usually goes along with a type of... character

Many thanks; yes, it was a genuine question. I had similar experiences and wondered if anyone had come across anything similar. I have found that the mainstream apps are pretty dire, and imagine others will have had similar experiences. Different people think differently - as is clear from the responses here!

Were you not heading off to join Boysnet?

[message with quote missing]

Ok, I’m sorry if you were upset by my choice of word. It’s a bit of a minefield…. Another member had commented and used ‘male’ and ‘female’ so I’d kind of thought that was ok

With respect, my reference to world events were in response to another member’s post, about unpleasant things happening and people being kind to each other - or not. I hadn’t meant it to be gender related.

I understand your other points - but maybe a bit overthought? No offence intended. I had meant to ask a simple question, and I made a light hearted remark which I didn’t intend ‘mean’ anything.

i wasn’t intending to demand that women conform to any stereotype…. I wasn’t aware I had a fragile ego…. And I wasn’t meaning to imply that women are receptacles to cater for my every need….

I occasionally ask things in various groups and thought the general etiquette for others to respond to the question, or not, as they wish - but not to ignore the question and tear the poster to pieces.

Contrary to how it might appear, I have met real humans of both (all?) genders and even have friends and have had relationships 🤷🏻‍♂️

Turns out it’s not a thing, so I’m stuck here 🙄

Oh? A probably-female? Sounds perfect! Thanks 😂

Contrary to how it might appear, I have met real humans of both (all?) genders and even have friends and have had relationships 🤷🏻‍♂️

Well, you’re one up on all the blokes begging for advice on the Relationships board then.

But ‘all genders’? Can we just go with ‘both sexes’?