Daughter getting fat in school

[joey197860]

Teenage daughter has gained 22kg in new boarding school. No medical explanation for it and she's very happy, wrll integrated and academically excelling. School has a shop on site and girls have access to kitchen in the evenings. Daughter had major surgery last year and specifically should not eat sugar loaded food. What am I to do? I want to pull her from the school at the end of this term. The school is absolutely no help when I discussed this with them.

Having a tumour removed is major and the hormones connected to this illness can cause weight gain no?
I'd say you should explore medical reasons and rule out other tumours no?
As I understand it unexplained weight gain is a cause for concern medically.
Also as i understand things, the body reacts to tumours or stressful events by laying down reserves.
Also emotionally that's a huge thing to go through as a teen.
I am not a doctor, but definitely would've thought this was the first concern.

Hoping it's just chocolate the though! Also I went to boarding school, and there was lots of eating disorders around me... so take care of pushing her the other way!

My First thought would be her physical health rather than her size.

It’s a worrying amount of weight to have put in a short space of time but having had a tumour removed makes me even more concerned that it’s something that needs addressing with the GP.

You haven't taken her to an actual gp yet? This is surely the first step after gaining such an alarming amount of weight in a matter of months. It could easily be something related to the surgery, you just don't know, and nor will a 'school doctor'. The way you talk makes it sound like you are an extremely hands off parent and want everything to be someone else's responsibility to sort.

Gained 3.5st in a few months os not good or healthy

OP is being unrealistic I think. If she moves her to another school and wants her to make friends, then as they travel home together they are likely to buy snacks or share snacks after a long day at school. If her daughter never has any money and can't join in then it's going to be harder for her to make new friends at the new school.

And she's already changed schools a couple of times.

Why are you boarding her?

How do you know that? That seems quite intimate and intrusive to know about a teen girl.

Op wants to blame everything on the school

She doesn't live at home though, does she?

Can't understand why anyone would send kids to boarding school unless absolutely necessary, it's just posh orphanage

Gaining 1kg per week every week would need a MASSIVE change in diet if it came from overeating alone. You need to stop blaming her and take her to the specialists who treated her tumour, rather than blaming her and the school.

Poor girl.

You sound far more concerned about controlling your daughter's weight and food intake than about either her health or her happiness. Pulling her and controlling her diet at home is a recipe for creating an eating disorder if she doesn't already have one. And you're bang out of order expecting the school to change rules for all girls because you think keeping the kitchen closed is a good idea.

3.5 stone in 4 months is a medical emergency. Call the department which handled your daughter’s tumour removal. Something is up.

And FWIW if someone gains 22 kg in such a short span I would expect a medical reason. In the USA they call it the "freshman 15" when students go off to catered halls. They don't gain over 3x that before the first term is out.

Your concerns are in the wrong place.

Eh?

OP, you are going to have to start treating your child as a human being with feelings. You’ve obviously not done so until now if you were happy to send her away when she was under ten, and again after having serious surgery, and nowhere on this thread have you shown a shred of concern for her feelings, or her as a person, beyond a bold assertion that she is happy. Please explore possible physical issues, but also start considering there may be a psychological reason. You sound like my grandmother and other relatives, who ruined my father’s life in the same way. Her reward was never to see him, her wonderful daughter in law or her grandchildren. Be very careful, or your daughter will solve for you the issue of your having to be offended by how fat she is as soon as she is old enough.

School is hard for many children. Boarding school is just a different way of being educated really. I would definitely get a second opinion. Talk to her and make sure she's not worried about something. Do not mention her weight though.good luck

Careful there before someone accuses you of being derogatory 🙄 Fat is fat, btw but they wonder how we all ended up here as a country. You can’t even say fat. Soon enough, you’d be banned from saying “yes”. Ridiculous

OP, ignore the rafter ridiculous comments. Please bring your child home to see your GP.

The fact you haven't confirmed otherwise makes me think that you've told your daughter she is getting fat. I went from a size 8 to a size 12 at age 16. A few 'well-meaning' adults including my own mother told me I was getting fat. Cue the start of a 6 year long eating disorder to 'show them'. It ruined my young adulthood years. It's behind me now but I really do cringe when I see this kind of stuff.

I'm pretty sure if my daughter had had a tumour removed and then gained 3+ stone in as many months I'd be battering down the door to her specialist's clinic, not calling her fat, being offended by her stretch marks and blaming the boarding school I'd sent her to for making food available to students.

Do they feed puddings everyday? What edibles does she have access to in the kitchen?

Have the award for the most stupid reply.

Weight gain is NOT as simple as self control FFS. There will be a much more complex story here.

I cannot find her age?

It could be hormones. I remember my mum taking me to the drs and having tests for weight gain in my early teens. I lived at home and there was no change of diet or increased access to treats. Still
played the same sports. It was just the way it was.

I stabilised at a certain weight and have stayed that way for over 20 years including having children with no loss or gain of any noticeable amount at any time.

The amount of focus on it at the time means it took me YEARS to accept and be ok with my body. It could be medical and things need to be ruled out but she could just be built that way.

As usual OP not giving all relevant details for MN to make any sort of valid response.

Answer the bloody questions OP.

It IS that simple. Eat better and less and do more.