Daughter getting fat in school

[joey197860]

Teenage daughter has gained 22kg in new boarding school. No medical explanation for it and she's very happy, wrll integrated and academically excelling. School has a shop on site and girls have access to kitchen in the evenings. Daughter had major surgery last year and specifically should not eat sugar loaded food. What am I to do? I want to pull her from the school at the end of this term. The school is absolutely no help when I discussed this with them.

OP, I’m so sorry that I can’t stay on thread right now, but I’m just going to post again to strongly suggest you speak to your oncology team. I’m extremely surprised that any recent tumour isn’t still on 3-4 month follow up, and that they haven’t already picked this up, but in case this isn’t a discussion you’ve had with them I’d want you to call this week.

OP get her bloods tested for pcos. I gained about 20kg in a year when I started my period at 11 and used to eat healthy but it just kept piling on. I used to feel so upset that the slim girls in school used to seem to eat loads. It turned out I had pcos and a huge dermoid cyst which was messing up my period and hormones.
I went on a low carb diet and lost it all. I’ve kept it off ever since even after 2 dc. I eat a lot of bread but have to be careful with rice or pasta carbs. Does your dd carry most of her weight on her belly? If so that can be a sign of pcos.

The language you use makes me worry about what you’re saying to your daughter. Something is obviously wrong, whether it be medical or emotional, she needs her parents to be sensitive.

I detest the idea of boarding schools, it’d have been over my dead body with my two, because you need to be around during any bad times. This is obviously a bad time for your daughter and my heart goes out to her.

Could this be connected to the surgery she had ? I’m assuming the tumour was benign as you haven’t mentioned any ongoing treatment, but depending on where it was situated could the effects of the surgery be responsible ? May be worth discussing when you see your GP.

Well done, I think that's for the best.
In order to have an open conversation you might need to explain to your daughter ahead of time, or ask her to stay out of the room while you initially talk to the doctor. I'm not sure how best to play it. You need to be Frank with the doctor that she's put a lot of weight on in a short space of time xxxx

It could be nothing, but best to get checked especially with her surgery x

I could send her to day school. No pocket money and healthy packed lunches. I servecmy children home made healthy meals, plenty if fruit available for snacks and the occasional home made cake. There is no shortage of healthy food at home.

I would get her checked by the doctor. If it's not medical then it's more than likely a lack of self control or somethings on her mind and she's comfort eating (I make no judgement either way about it being boarding school related)
I was on contraception from 13 and I was not "that sort of girl" as you put it. It was the only way they could control my acne which was causing spots that were more like boils all over my back.

Go to the GP. I would worry about the tumour returning.

Please contact her specialists too.

And don't be talking to her about it being her fault or down to her eating problems. Or blaming the school for the availability of food (which she will interpret in the same way). Whether it's physical or psychological that won't help.

You seem quite prickly and defensive op. What do you mean "I don't believe in comfort eating?" You refuse to acknowledge it happens? You don't personally do it? People have suggested lots of reasons for your daughters weight gain, it could be something linked to her operation, a hormonal imbalance or linked to her mental health in some way....and that's not suggesting a failing in you as a parent, she's been through a lot. Or maybe the weight gain has happened because after an op you are less mobile and she hasn't got back into all her sports again?

You sound very matter of fact about it all and a bit dismissive of suggestions your dd might be struggling. I wonder if you are quite a successful, high achieving and resilient person and therefore just cannot fathom that your dd might be finding things a struggle after her operation.

So why does she board then if you can have her at home?

There you go. She needs to see the doctor.

OP hasn’t mentioned cancer. I assumed the tumour was benign, but have just seen an update where OP says it could have affected hormones. I’d be investigating this as one possible cause.

Is she a weekly boarder, so home with you over the weekends? How is she food wise then?

Thank you. This is very helpful. I will go down this line of medical investigations.

What type of tumour did she have? This is so relevant

children who go to day school will still buy snacks on the way home, so don't assume there would be no unhealthy snacks at all. It would be a huge change for her. Has she started gcses yet (year 10)?

But you need to see GP first in case this is something much more serious.

How much has she grown in height in this time? Do you know what range her bmi is in?

Ah yes, self-control, that's the solution to weight issues. Why didn't anyone tell us it was so simple!!

That level of weight gain over a few months is unnatural. She needs to see a medical consultant who knows her history, not a school doctor, and the fact that the school haven't picked that on up and acted on it would make me question their suitability to look after any child.

OP - a few questions
How old is your daughter?
Had she already gone through puberty ( gained hips and had a growth spurt) before the weight gain
What is her weight and height ?
what sort of tumour did she have removed?
Have you asked her what she has been eating , and what does she say?
How is her academic work going ?

OP said there'd be no pocket money, presumably to avoid this possibility.

Comfort eating, if you’re really at your wits end why not bring her home?

Not what type of girl?

I'm not sure anyone can ever say that about our teens, whatever you actually meant by it. There's been a big chance in her in the last few months. She could turn out to be any type of girl. Lots of change can happen in the teen years.

This.