Daughter getting fat in school

[joey197860]

Teenage daughter has gained 22kg in new boarding school. No medical explanation for it and she's very happy, wrll integrated and academically excelling. School has a shop on site and girls have access to kitchen in the evenings. Daughter had major surgery last year and specifically should not eat sugar loaded food. What am I to do? I want to pull her from the school at the end of this term. The school is absolutely no help when I discussed this with them.

The comments about boarding schools and likening them to kennels are ridiculous. I went to boarding school and absolutely loved it.

OP, you say she had a tumour removed. Could that tumour have been somewhere that affected hormones? That might cause weight gain?

A friend of mine put on a lot of weight as a teenager and it was due to Cushings Syndrome x

I would definitely take her to the GP and just say you'd like a general check up, blood tests etc

Is the weight gain all around her stomach?
Is it ascites? - fluid in the belly, often related to other issues
Is her health ok, or is this a sign of complications?

I was a day girl at a boarding school, whenever I hanged out with the boarders. the food looked pretty rank and low quality, although this was 10 years.

First things first your attitude in the way you speak about your daughter needs to change... 'getting fat' sounds incredibly derogatory and unkind and I hope to goodness you don't say that in earshot of her to her or anyone else!
Secondly, weight gain CAN happen when someone is happy and comfortable....it can also happen when someone is not happy and they are comfort eating.
Was she UNDERweight before?
If she is a teenager all you can really do is try to encourage her to think about her health needs and perhaps seek medical advice around how to promote a more balanced diet, due to the need to limit sugar because of her medical condition.
But you or school trying to clamp down too strictly won't work.....the forbidden food is the most tempting.

Are you sure there isn't something wrong? 3.5 stone is an awful lot to put on in 3 months, that's a stone a month at least. Even my perimenopausal weight gain didn't go on that fast.

And School doctors aren't great (at least our one wasn't).

If the gain is in the last 4 months then presumably some of that time is while she was at home for the summer? Was she gaining weight then as well? What was she eating at home?

“Most of” 22kg in 4 months is about 5kg a month or 1kg a week. That means over 1000 calories a day more than she needs. I’m not sure that you can explain that with just a bit of over eating. Binge eating maybe. Are you sure that she is happy at the school?

Poor kid.

I hope haven't told her she's getting fat.

Could be a control thing to get back at you.

What do you mean not that type of girl? So judgey

Putting on that amount of weight will shape her entire life. Get her out of that school asap. Then figure out, when she’s at home, what is going on.

I'd take her to see your gp

I would seek some medical advice - either there is disordered eating or a physical cause, and both would need addressing.

I don't know why everyone is assuming she's comfort eating or "getting back" at her parents - some kids love boarding school.

I can assure you all, boarding schools are like 7 Star hotels in Dubai these days. The food is tremendous and every effort goes into pastoral care, keeping the children happy. The problem is there is too much acceptance in the UK of obesity and like it is affecting democracy and a child's rights if they are not given free access to whatever they want.

That's a huge amount kf weight, probably 50% of her starting body weight.

I'd be bringing her home for tests. Something can't be right. Teens can eat masses without getting fat. I'd be assuming a medical issue for such an enormous weight gain.

Oh you're in Dubai?

Massive obesity issue there with kids. All my clients from there have fat children, constantly eating/ drinking sugary crap.

Location completely changes things.

Is she upset about the weight gain? Firstly, I’d get her a proper medical check up to make sure there isn’t a medical reason; then I’d try to casually and kindly discuss it with her by mainly listening to what she says. She could be unaware of the extras she’s eating or she could be using food as an emotional support. Try to carefully find out more.

I was a Day pupil at a boarding school and they seemed to spend most of their time eating vast quantities of toast. They were totally obsessed with the toasters! They also made lots of sweet milky drinks. Dorm rooms had hidden stashes of sweets and chocolate too. Perhaps the combination of the surgery; worry about that; the new school year; and getting into unhealthy habits have contributed.

I don't believe it's comfort eating. We are a very communicative open family. She now has stretch marks all over herlegs, hips, back of hips.

Yss, the tumour could have affected hormones.

If the tumour was hypothalamic then the appetite drive may be associated with that. Equally, I’d wonder about other structures and function that could be associated with tumour or treatment. Your daughter’s oncology follow ups should be picking up this weight gain wherever her tumour was. What do the team there think about this gain?

@RabbitsEatPancakes I read it as OP comparing UK boarding schools to 7 star Dubai Hotels

Your daughter was ill with a tumour and gained a massive amount of weight in a very short amount of time, just because the school doctor doesn't think there is a problem doesn't mean that there isn't a problem. You need to take her to your GP and possibly the specialist that dealt with the tumour as it is possibly a sign of other things like Cushing's, or a reaction to medication particularly if on steroids or the Pill. The pill is used to deal with painful and heavy bleeding periods too she doesn't have to be 'that type of girl's.

Has she grown taller in this time too? Was she very thin previously? It could at least partly be her body filling out/getting hips and boobs as she goes through puberty

PCOS can lead to massive weight gain.
Started contraception (could be to help acne) or antidepressants Can lead to over eating and weight gain. Is she pregnant? and terrified to tell you?

having had a tumour removed is a big deal, is she scared it will come back? She might be displaying I’m happy to you so you don’t worry. Teenage girls sometimes try to protect their parents.

My brothers went to boarding school. One was happy, one was miserable. You would have thought both were happy but the miserable one didn’t tell me until years later how miserable he was. He hid it from the family so he didn’t let anyone down.