DH pancreatic lesion with symptoms

[Ebabllisstggoffor]

So we’re half way to our U.K. holiday break. This morning an appointment came through for my DH to see a consultant surgeon. This is an urgent appointment on the back of a recent MRI. It’s on Tuesday morning. He says he’s going to call them on Monday to rearrange it. My gut reaction is to head home and keep the appointment but he’s having none of it. He wants his holiday. I’m currently wide awake worrying about all this. What if he rings on Monday and can’t get a quick appointment? Should I try and persuade him that we should head home. What would be reasonable. I’m so very worried about him.

He's a grown-up and you're not his mother. Let him make decisions about his own body. He may well need the holiday if he's got difficult times ahead.

That’s really harsh! Men are known for putting off medical appointments. If it’s serious enough for an urgent appointment I’d insist on going back.
sending love and hoping all ok.

How easy is it to get home from UK? Where are you based?

I'd want to go home and he attend the appointment. It sounds like they want to see him urgently and if it's anything serious you'd want to catch it early.

If there’s any appointment to cut short your holiday for it’s that one. So sorry for your stress OP, you must be demented.

I think he should go, but I guess a few days isn’t going to change much. If he can move it to a week later then I guess try and enjoy your break. I think i’d want to turn around personally and go to the appointment.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June, diagnosed on the Thursday and due to go on a family holiday the following Monday. I was then given a consultant surgeon appointment on the Thursday whilst we would be on holiday. I wasn’t sure what to do. I spoke with my consultants secretary and she suggested we go on the holiday, try to relax and enjoy family time, one week wouldn’t make any difference. An appointment was made for the day after we returned.

If you’re husband is diagnosed there will be difficult months ahead. I wish you both the best.

Pancreatic cancer - if that is what it is - is notorious for poor outcomes if not caught in time. Even then...

Pancreatic cancer is not breast cancer. He is a fool to put this appointment off, or in heavy denial.

If I were him and I wanted to enjoy my holiday, I would ring on Monday and have a discussion about when the next appointment would be when you return and how much can be done as a phone consultation.

I have cancer. If that’s what it is, realistically, waiting a few days longer to see the consultant isn’t going to make a difference. It is a long slog between those early appointments to surgery and treatment. There will be a lot of appointments to follow and they can coordinate those over the coming days so there is no delay. The consultant appointment will just be discussing what they found and saying what the next steps will be. Those next steps can be actioned while you enjoy your holiday. It’s also very likely the appointment itself can be done over the phone (they would probably want to palpate his abdomen, but that can be done next time). If he hasn’t had bloods done, they will want to do those too, but he can just run to the hospital when he’s back to have those done.

Really I think he’s actually probably taking the most sensible approach. Let him enjoy his holiday and let them start getting the ball rolling during these days so everything is ready to go when he gets back.

monkfruitmartini
I understand your point, I really do.

It would potentially be delaying an appointment by days rather than weeks.

A cancer diagnosis is the start of an horrendous emotional and physically gruelling journey. I’ve simply recommended speaking to the consultants secretary and if there’s a chance of enjoying the holiday and seeing the consultant a few days later then they ‘might’ choose that option.

Pancreatic cancer is very different from other cancers and moves fast.

I know two people who were diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, both only found by luck during a scan of the gallbladder. One died within weeks and the other was early enough for surgery. I wouldn't mess about with this type of cancer.

Of its pancreatic cancer, only surgery can give him a chance of survival. The criteria fir surgery is very strict and days can make a difference.

OP, your OH is probably totally petrified and riddled with anxiety.

Don't push him to go back at this point, focus on being there for him. Show empathy and love. He will change his mind.

Its very hard for you too so make sure you have someone who can be there for you too.

A colleague of mine was at the most borderline point of surgery vs no surgery. They finally agreed to surgery. It was two days before Xmas. It was successful. She's been free of cancer for over 10 years now.

I’d be heading home. Their quick turnaround suggests your H should probably be seen PDQ.

What do you know about the lesion? Is this the first you’ve heard about it? Is it smooth? It’s symptomatic so I’d be attempting to rearrange the holiday bit strongly suggesting you all go home.

I personally wouldn’t be able to enjoy a holiday with that hanging over me anyway.

Thanks everyone for your really helpful replies. I’ve spoken to him again this morning, he’s adamant he’s having his holiday. He says a few days won’t matter. Ultimately it’s up to him, I’ve tried my best with him.

Hopefully if it's urgent and time-critical they will try and insist on him attending.
You have to tread a fine line here if he's digging his heels in, but if it's possible pancreatic cancer I agree with you, he should return.
What time is the appointment on Tuesday and what's the latest you can realistically leave from where you are in order for him to get there?

DH had a highly aggressive cancer. Having been consumed with a sense of urgency from the first suspicious symptom, I think the medical team are in the best position to bring him in now if that is indeed necessary. Their input will carry more weight

However as @mindutopia says, the first appt will likely be informational, and probably the consultant can start planning now anyway. If time isn’t really being lost then DH is right. Your family needs this break.

(BTW there are 2 main families of pancreatic cancers, one aggressive and one markedly less so. Also DH has been doing well since his initial treatment. He has passed the key milestone. But there were a couple of points along the way where it was clear that his team were moving as fast as possible. So I think your DH really needs to know whether time will be lost in his absence)

Best wishes to your family

Do you live in the UK its hard to tell? Are you private health care? They may be able to give you a better idea of what it shows on the phone and how quickly they want you back. Do you know what they're suspecting? They'll be able to tell you the next clinic slots, they may even be able to do the preplanned appt on our equivalent of teams if you'd want or at least tell you whether urgent future scans are needee. How long is the holiday?

At the end of the day it's his choice and I don't think you can nor should try to override that. Tbh even as an a anaesthetist for pancreatic cancer I'd be leaning towards the same decision personally

OP Your husband may also be in denial atm, returning from the holiday, attending the appointment also means having to face possibly receiving news he doesn’t want to hear. It’s scary. If he stays on the holiday he can almost pretend it isn’t happening.

I am aware breast cancer is very different to pancreatic but as a mum to 3 very young children I know I felt my world had been pulled out from under me and the fear was overwhelming.

I wish you both the best.

We could easily get home in four hours. It’s NHS care. I was really surprised how quickly things have moved. He went for a lung CT scan, as part of NHS screening, after much prodding from me. The next minute he had a liver appointment at the hospital, when they told him the scan showed a cystic lesion on his pancreas. An MRI followed quickly and now this appointment with a heptopancreaticbilliary surgeon. He’s been having vague stomach upset for months, which he was minimising.

If you can be home in 4 hours I'd wait till Monday and he can call then. The clinic should be able to tell him if he absolutely needs to cut his holiday short or not, maybe a telehealth appointment will be an option. I'd be worried too with the quick turn around and I'd rather know as soon as I could, but not everyone would. He may be in a sort of shock and not wanting to engage and make this real. It's a lot for you both to suddenly be dealing with, I wish you all the best and I hope the quick turnaround is just them being thorough and proactive.

Pancreatic cancer moves really fast, so if the hospital team are moving fast, then it is for a reason.
Every day counts for this kind of cancer

And get on to talking about POA, Wills, funeral song choices.

I lost a very dear aunt in just a few weeks to this horrible cancer, she moved fast cos that was what was advised

I agree with everyone saying pancreatic cancer moves fast BUT in my experience, that’s why I’d take the holiday. Once that train builds up steam there are no more opportunities.

(It is my parents’ deep regret that they didn’t go while they could, and they cancelled a planned trip to start treatment. They knew from the word “pancreatic” that it would be fatal for mum but not ultimately how little time they’d have.)

edited in case that sounds scary or fearmongering: it was of course a totally different scenario from the OP’s DH as my mum had already had scans showing a large number of lesions on 2, possibly 3 organs; it really was bad from day 1.

If you can easily get home in 4 hours, can you compromise by going to the appointment and then potentially returning to your holiday? (Although I imagine that will be hard to do mentally if it's bad news)

Given the speed of referral and follow-up appointment I think he'd be a fool to delay the appointment, but he's an adult with agency and if he's determined to rearrange it, there probably isn't much you can do.

Let him call tomorrow and see what they say. They may impress upon him the importance of attending on Tues, otherwise if they can rearrange quickly once you're back then that may have to suffice. Given the glacial speed of the NHS normally, I'm afraid I'd take the speed that this appointment has been arranged as an ill omen.