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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

359 replies

Girlmath · 23/11/2024 03:41

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

OP posts:
Hourbyehours · 23/11/2024 03:46

I’m so sorry to hear he’s treated you like this. You and your children deserve better

Thepossibility · 23/11/2024 03:51

How utterly awful. I hope he feels terrible about it when he sobers up but honestly he just sounds like an ahole of a human.

Anotherparkingthread · 23/11/2024 03:53

You need to leave him. He's a drunk, he's sexist, and he doesn't love you or your children.

He drove home in that state. This is the worst part of the whole story because he could have killed somebody. Somebody innocent, with their own family waiting for them at home. He is a price of shit. Report him for it and get his license suspended. He isn't responsible enough to drive.

The pissing is absolutely fucking disgusting. Throw his piss soaked clothes into a bin bag, if you're feeling really petty throw in a bunch of his other stuff. Throw the bin bag outside so it isn't around for the party. It's his problem to deal with. Do not wash or dry them. Clean the carpet though because he will do a shit job of it.

Cook at the party but make sure there is none for him, he can fend for himself all day. Make sure it's noisy because he will have quite the hang over. Don't speak to him.

Once you have ensured the kids have had an amazing day. Tell him you no longer want to be married to somebody who has so little respect for their family or even self respect, to come home in that state on his DC birthday, and piss all over the floor. Tell him that as you do all the women's work, and the house runs pretty smoothly without his input, it can continue to do so in his absence.

Honestly this man is not a catch he's a pig. Throw him away he's trash.

Ponderingwindow · 23/11/2024 03:55

Why on earth would you put him to bed and clean up after him. Point him to cleaning supplies and tell him to get to work. he doesn’t deserve your consideration.

your mention that he planned this because he knew you couldn’t react implies this is a pattern. You don’t have to change anything tomorrow. You and more importantly your children deserve better than living with a drunk.

FupaTrooper · 23/11/2024 04:00

He sounds vile and misogynistic.

A "mum job"???

Your life would be SO much easier without him.

ShelleyCarpenter · 23/11/2024 04:01

What a disgusting man

BoxOfCats · 23/11/2024 04:03

Well, the good news is that now you've realised what a twat he is, you can figure out the fastest way to leave him.

Merrygoround8 · 23/11/2024 04:06

This!

So sorry OP. This isn’t fair. Xxx

WooleyMunky · 23/11/2024 04:09

The drink driving is terrible, before the pissing on the floor and general neglect...

CrispWinterSunshineBright · 23/11/2024 04:09

@Ponderingwindow OP has explained why she has cleaned up.

OP I'm not surprised you're fuming.
He is an arsehole.

Haveacuppaandwaitforthistoblowover · 23/11/2024 04:12

Why the fuck is it always men who piss on the floor and act like animals?? I have never read of a woman doing this especially leaving a man to sort out all the birthday stuff while she went out and got rat arsed!
Sure, there are some shit mothers out there but THIS never seems to happen!

I'd be raging too OP! Hope you manage to make a good day of it and hope your twat of a husband is sincerely apologetic! If he isn't then you have an answer!

pinduckdo · 23/11/2024 04:12

Awake as overworked and thinking about money/Christmas as a single parent. I 1 million % would rather be in my position than yours! Awful behaviour and yeah the fact he could have killed someone or himself. He has no respect for himself, you or the children. I would get yourself out of that relationship. I'm sure you don't want to live the rest of your life this way. I hope you have a nice birthday weekend and get sorted. Congratulations on your new job

Rachel757677 · 23/11/2024 04:14

But he has some good qualities I'm sure?

morbidd · 23/11/2024 04:17

LTB.

anothermnuser123 · 23/11/2024 04:18

The driving drunk absolutely infuriates me and I couldn't stand to even associate with someone that would do that, let alone have a relationship with them. It's beyond disgusting and unforgivable.

The rest is also vile, peeing on the floor, how utterly grim.

Even before he went out, the way he treats you sounds awful. Hopefully this has been the wake up call that you need that you and your children deserve better.

Artistbythewater · 23/11/2024 04:19

He is an alcoholic op.
There is no way I could live with someone like this. He does not care for you, or his son and has no respect for anyone.

Get through today fior ds. Dh can shampoo the carpet when he wakes up. Boil wash his own clothes and buy you some new slippers.

Then on Monday get some legal advice. Start preparing to separate - you would feel a million times better without him op. Your children should not be growing up around this.

Girlmath · 23/11/2024 04:23

Thank you all. It probably didn't come across on my OP but I'm honestly so annoyed about the driving too, it's unbelievable. I've had a cry. I've set my alarm for 6 and I'm going to try and nip to Tesco's before my lovely birthday boy wakes up x

OP posts:
Artistbythewater · 23/11/2024 04:25

Get some sleep now op. This can all be sorted outt after ds birthday. Come back and get some support 💐

Amarige · 23/11/2024 04:30

He's shown you how super efficient you are by him being completely useless.

He causes you extra work and is repulsive.

Enjoy your sons birthday and then have the talk with him that he's dumped.

Whenim63 · 23/11/2024 04:32

He drove home like that? Irresponsible, selfish, reckless fool.
As for whether he “did it on purpose” because he knows you won’t kick off today? Probably. He knows you won’t let anything spoil your son’s birthday so feels he can do whatever he wants. What a prince!
Honestly op, he doesn’t sound like a partner, he sounds like a spoiled child.

I would be waking him up at 6am and telling him to get his arse to the supermarket, sort out a carpet cleaner and buy you some new slippers. If he even makes a murmur of a moan about any of it, I would tell him that since he is such a massive dickhead, you and all the visiting family are going out for lunch for your sons birthday, while he stays at home and cleans up his revolting mess. And he is paying.

I would get through today then have a very serious think about the future.

User37482 · 23/11/2024 04:33

I’m so sorry OP, he’s really really awful. But y’know what when you get rid of him you will have less work to do and the resentment of doing it all will dampen because the useless lump who should be contributing isn’t squatting like a toad in your house.

You and your kids deserve much more than this, you don’t have to live like this, the mood in your home will also lift.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/11/2024 04:33

I note this is a DP not a DH. I am wondering if this is because he doesn’t want to be financially tied to you because that would mean sharing money in the case of divorce. In any case, there doesn’t seem to be very much care and respect from him, especially as he’s going to punish you for being in a mood with him (wtf) when he’s behaved like a pig.

Letmegohome · 23/11/2024 04:35

What a prince amongst men
Drink driving is unacceptable I would report him if I were you, you know which pub he was at, he will be on their CCTV and on the road cameras.
The rest of his behaviour is utterly vile.

SushiSheep · 23/11/2024 04:35

Aaah @Girlmath
Try to get some rest now, and enjoy your day with your boy.
Do some thinking over the weekend about how you and your son want to spend the rest of your lives.
Would you want this disgusting creature to be a role model for your son?
You're both worth more than that.
So do some very hard thinking about your future.
Sending a virtual handhold x

Happy Birthday to your darling boy!
🥳🎂🎁🎉🎈

ShelleyCarpenter · 23/11/2024 04:36

How could you bear to ever have sex with him again?