He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

[Girlmath]

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

Yeah as long he says sorry I'm sure everything with be sunshine and kittens going forward , don't forget to keep a big pile of pissy clothes for next time to show him. 🤯

It seems too much to believe your DP went and got completely pissed by accident @Girlmath . I suspect he's one of those people who hates any happy event that's not about him so he's set out to ruin it, at least for you if not for your son. He really doesn't like you much Op, and he certainly doesn't like being told what to do, that's why he drove home, not because he was sober, but because if he wants to drink and drive he will do.
I hope you've managed to give your DC a happy birthday but I also hope you'll be marking his DFs card later- no more gas lighting, no more excuses, he pulls himself together and behaves like a reasonable adult or he can bugger off

What, if anything is he bringing to you and your children's lives that it is positive. You all deserve better. Your life will be no harder single with your kids. You will have a peace of mind that will be priceless and you will wish you did it years ago. His behaviour last night was illegal and grim but it sounds like he is a waste of skin anyway.

LTB

If you mean by denying that he was drunk and pissing on the floor then yes, he's remorseful

He is an absolute shit no question. Why did he even need to go out drinking the night before your son's birthday when you had preparations to do? The whole episode is awful, there are no excuses.

I'm the same, usually reasonably tolerant, but this is beyond.

It's easy to say LTB but in this case I actually would be quietly planning.

A mistake, with remorse and apologies the next day, is one thing but this is something else.

You and DC deserve better

He's a pig. Sorry OP :(

You are a wonderful mum OP doing the best for your son.
Im sorry you are being treated so poorly, you and your child deserve better.

All of that is deal breaker type behaviour for me and I wouldn't accept it. I certainly couldn't love someone who treated me so badly.
He's a twat who doesn't respect you. How dare he even speak to you like that, never mind all the other stuff?!

Not sure what your home and financial situation is OP?
If you decide to separate, you will need legal advice.Getting out isn't as easy as some people portray

Thoughts are with you today op.

I think I'd bare in mind that he left you alone last night and literally says things are 'mums jobs'. And that he spent a bare minimum of 20 quid on booze and- drank and drove! He can't gaslight those things, they're facts. Plus I think you know what drunk him is like and he was like that last night.

He doesn't have a leg to stand on. And to make it all worse, he hasn't apologised and begged forgiveness. He's instead, got angry at you for calling him out.

Is this really someone you want to be married to forever? And before you say 'maybe I could stick it out for the kids sake', know that you'd be doing the child more harm than good raising him to think men should behave this way. And that women will accept it. I'm sure you don't want your son to grow up to be like him.

It's not a stable, loving environment.
Much better to get out and show him one emotionally mature home with a happy mum.
Then he can look at your home and look at his fathers home and say 'I don't want a lifestyle like dad's. It's squalor and people leave you'.

Today, now, this is what your whole life will be with this man. As bad or, worrying about the next time it will be. Think hard on whether or not you want this life because you have the power to choose differently.

I’m sharing this site far and wide but truly, they are a fantastic resource:

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk

Are you mad. Balloons and wrapped presents for an adult. He isn't a kid. Go out on your own for his birthday and leave him to clear up his own mess.

Time to see a solicitor.

Did you read the OP's posts. Its for her sons birthday, the balloons and presents are for a child.

@Girlmath Honestly... unless this is a totally out of the blue one off, never happened before, event.. and he realises he's been a prick and admits it...

I'd be planning my exit strategy.

I bet that he will claim you're trying to stop him having fun, you're over reacting, he'll blame the dog for weeing on the floor, make out you're inventing things like him sleep walking and being drunk... and he'll do it again and again and again, and your kids will notice this, and your behaviour in response to it.

It's not good for them, or you.

How was the birthday?

Do not wash his things

Honestly, don't stay with a drunk, your life will be an enduring misery.
And it will get worse.

It's her son's birthday. Try reading

@MerryUmberHedgehog read the whole sentence before commenting .
Child ,child's birthday .

Tbh you don't even need to read the whole thread, just the ops words

GiveMeSpanakotia

"To those telling OP to call the police and get his licence taken away, having a husband who can't drive his car for a year will not help OP nor her child."

But it will stop him mowing pedestrians down, crashing into other vehicles and killing people, possibly including his own son.

@GiveMeSpanakopita I would report him in a heartbeat. Dangerous and selfish

This isn’t normal. Pissing on the bedroom floor sounds like an alcoholic would do. It wasn’t one beer. You deserve better. Either single or with someone else.