He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

[Girlmath]

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

I wonder if he was as drunk as that action suggests? He was able to drive time but couldn’t find the toilet? Hmm 🤔 I suspect the whole thing was just mainly due to his lack of respect for you. Tbh it doesn’t even sound as if he likes you and he surely doesn’t respect you.

Its good that you’re not married - makes leaving easier.

I would cut my losses and leave, men who hate the women they’re with become typically become increasingly dangerous.

If he drove home pissed he's a cunt.

All his other actions you have written about just echo that

What he’s done is absolutely disgusting,
Awful and illegal. But that doesn’t make him an alcoholic

Put everything else aside and concentrate on today

Tomorrow you can deal with your wankstain husband and your marriage

Today is about your son

Dont forget - you're amazing ❤️

The drunk driving would be enough for me to LTB but on top of everything else. You deserve better. I'm sorry op. Enjoy DS birthday then make plans - it won't get any better

Regardless of whether the drinker's behaviour is medically categorisable as "alcoholic", his drinking is causing problems for others. He is a "problem drinker" at the very least. And therefore support is available from organisations such as alcoholics anonymous and al-anon.

Is Al-Anon for you? - Al-Anon Family Groups

Al-Anon could be for you if:

• You regularly feel hurt, embarrassed or distressed by the drinker’s behaviour.
• You dread holidays and special occasions because you are worried that someone’s drinking will ruin them.
• You find yourself covering up for the actions of a drinker.
• You often prefer to stay away from home rather than spend time with the drinker.
• You discourage friends and other family members from visiting because of the drinker’s behaviour.
• You are ‘walking on eggshells’ because you fear you might set off a drinking bout or angry outburst.
• You have considered calling the Police because of a drinker’s behaviour.
• You feel everything would be OK if the alcoholic stopped drinking.

Is your life disrupted by someone’s drinking? The alcoholic’s behaviour can disrupt your home life. You may be experiencing:

• Missed or irregular mealtimes.
• Late or disrupted bedtimes.
• Money problems.
• Missed appointments and social occasions.

Do you get the support you need at home? Do you find yourself:

• Covering up your feelings, pretending you don’t care.
• Feeling you are unloved or not cared for.
• Blaming yourself, other members of the family, friends or life circumstances for the drinker’s behaviour.

Did you grow up with a drinker? Did you grow up with parents, siblings or even a close family friend who was a drinker? If you did, you could still be suffering as a result of those experiences. Whether your relationship with a drinker is in the past or present, Al-Anon is for you. Are you feeling helpless? Al-Anon can help you find a different way of coping with your relationship with an alcoholic. Al-Anon is here for you either as a first port of call or when you feel you have run out of ideas and have nowhere else to turn.

The best birthday gift for your child here is filing for divorce, your husband is an arse.

So sorry OP, what an arse.

Today focus on your DS and come back to the thread tomorrow and we will help you work out how to leave this vile man.

If he was driving in that state, he needs to give up drinking entirely. Only way to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

And you should leave him, and report the drink driving.

Also just be aware that is he was that drunk late into the evening he should not be driving for some time today as he will still be over the limit.

What an absolutely shit dad.

Get through it for your kids sake and remember they are what's important today :) deal with your knob head another day.

There are morning after calculators on line and for about 10 pints it takes 22 hours after the last drink to clear. He has taken himself out of being awful today.

I would positively project how you see your life in 12 months and do everything to achieve it . If that projection includes a loving partner you need to get a new one.

Sorry meant to say useful not awful

Chuck him out. He’s a disgusting pig.

I always agree with those who say drop him in it to him family. When someone says dinner looks good, "Thanks. X was meant to cook it but didn't. He went out and got drunk, drove home and peed on the floor!" I don't know why people cover up other's bad behaviour unless it's genuine mistakes they truly regret. They did it. They can own it in front of others.

I’m so sorry OP, and I’m so glad your DS has you to make his birthday special. Focus on that for today, but I agree with other posters that I’d be considering whether to stay in this relationship.

Do you want his behaviour as an example to your DS?

Does he have form for ruining birthdays/Xmas/things that are important to others?
Does he make days out difficult? Are holidays shit?
You will make today special because you're a fabulous mum.
But at some stage the kids will notice he spoils these moments in their lives.
Drink driving should be an automatic prison sentence, sadly it's not.
But it would be relationship ending for me.

Keep coming back for a rant and support op 💐

An early reply nailed it: “throw him away, he’s trash”. Read that and read it again and believe it. Honestly. Throw him away, he’s trash.

To those telling OP to call the police and get his licence taken away, having a husband who can't drive his car for a year will not help OP nor her child.
To those judging OP for 'putting up with this', shame on you. All women suffer from patriarchy to a greater or lesser extent and I think we need to support each other not judge

I don’t know if it’s her husband, OP refers to him as DP.

Anyway that aside I haven’t RTFT and I don’t believe it’s helpful shaming the OP in this instance, but actually having his licence taken away may well help OP and her child.

If he ends up killing or harming someone and being in jail that would be even worse for their family as well as OPs conscience.

I hope you managed to get some sleep?

Dig deep and power through today. Harbouring murderous fantasies about DP might help.

This is so awful and so serious. What do you want to do? Report him for drink driving? Split up?

I couldn’t live with him but at the very least he needs to make some gigantic changes in his attitudes and behaviours. If he’s not up for that, then you will be better off without him.

I think there's not much for you to work with here and you may need to cut your losses. So sorry you have to go through this. But long term, I don't see how that human can transform into a person you would happily be married to or coparent with.

He has an alcohol problem.
My boyfriend when I was about 18 used to piss in the corner of the bedroom when he was really pissed/stoned. I found out years later he’d found sobriety.
Leave your husband, he brings nothing to the table. Do it for you and your kids.
Happy giving birth day 💐

If a drink-driving partner loses his licence that may help OP and her children, as he will not be able to drink drive. Drink drivers can end up killing themselves, their partners, children, and others, serving prison sentences, and causing life-long losses and grief to others. Removing his licence would remove the risk of those things happening.

Give your son the bestest birthday & enjoy the day. And I would honestly start to get your finances together, and consider if this man baby is who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
The drink driving is unacceptable as you’ve acknowledged. I’d be half tempted to report him for that tbh.

Hope you have everything you need for today by now?

And that you can summon the energy and the positivity to make it happen. 🫂

(Please ensure the party is noisy.)

I wouldn't do any passive agressive going on strike or silent treatment stuff.

See how he behaves today - and take notes.

As soon as he's over the hangover, could you arrange for DC to be with someone, and have the conversation with him in private?

This is going to be incredibly difficult - but stay calm and control yourself. Tone, body language, words etc.

Set out exactly what he did, how it made you feel, how serious it is, how he could have killed someone.

Give him your ultimatum, your expectations for his future behaviour.

This is relationship ending or mending time.

Observe him.

And this sounds odd - but I would secretly record the conversation, and his reaction. You're going to need records.

Be prepared to be accused of nagging, being unreasonable.

Going forward, get him to have the carpet professionally cleaned.