He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

[Girlmath]

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

He drove home? I’d be absolutely raging about that, much more so than the piss on the floor. A drunk driver killed one of the school mums in the early hours of the morning, the day her child turned 7. Every birthday she has is tainted by the anniversary of her mum’s death (she’s in her 20’s now). That could have been your child, but in that case it wouldn’t have been someone else being so reckless he killed 2 people, but he would have killed himself because he decided to get pissed and drive home. Why take the car to the pub? Leave it at home and get an uber.

What the fuck is it with the plethora of drunk men who seemingly go around pissing in places in the home that they shouldn't, like feral dogs?! I have never in my life come across a woman who was so drunk that she opened the wardrobe door, or clambered in to some other place, squatted and took a piss. How utterly revolting and why are women putting up with these disrespectful, disgusting men who do this?! And to then find out he drove home and could have killed someone, and is a total misogynistic prick on top of all that! I bet he doesn't have an ounce of remorse or shame about it, and will have a jolly good laugh with his mates about the time he was so inebriated he pissed behind the bedroom door. Utterly revolting.

It makes me sad, angry and depressed that so many women have such low standards that they'll accept this kind of behaviour. Seriously, animals are better behaved.

Honestly op, barring a medical condition, I'm not sure I'd move past this. He has zero respect for you or your kids (bet he ruins your ds's birthday with his hangover too). He should have been made to clear it up and to be honest I'd have been tempted to rub his face in it first.

Please find your standards and realise you're worth more than a man who expects you to do all the wife work, drives home drunk, and pisses in a corner of your home (your home!!) like a feral cat or dog marking its territory.

Yuck.

You may not realise this OP but it's typical narcissistic behaviour to ruin special occasions.

You have my sympathy. I suspect that he's been abusive since you had the kids.

If you're not yet ready to leave then I would subtly go on strike.

Put those piss soaked clothes out in the back garden and leave them there. If they're still there in a week, they get binned. You have no idea what happened to those clothes...

Cook food you know he doesn't like and fein ignorance.

I would be coming home with something nice and noisy for your child to play with for his birthday and play some party music nice and loud at the party.

If he tries to start an argument, grey rock him.

I would do what a PP said and ask his mother if pissing in the floor is something he's done before and what did she do to get rid of the smell?

You said you name changed for obvious reasons. What were the reasons? Was it so his pattern of poor behaviour wasnt pointed out?

what do you want to do and what options do you have?

All of this.

disengage with him. Unattach. Do nothing for him. And certainly not any of his sides christmas shop.

my ex piddling on the floor after a lot of booze was the first sign (that I ignored for too long) of his emerging alcoholism. Watch very carefully…

Everything else aside, there could be mittigating circumstances for (thought it sounds to be honest, it’s not the drinking it’s the husbanding and fathering that’s a problem) as I say all that aside the most disturbing and dangerous thing he did was drive while drunk. That alone would be me out, no way I could be married to anyone who could do that.

In so sorry OP. What a pig. I hope DS has a lovely birthday and you sound like a brilliant mum

I wouldn't ask the mum about the piss in front of him. I'd pull her to one side and tell her you are so embarrassed for him, are worried about him and don't want to shame him but want to help so could she offer her advice?

Yes, I know all of this is passive aggressive but if the OP is not yet ready or able to leave then it is a way of coping with dealing with a man like that. Obviously from experience...

The drink driving is abhorrent. I would probably pretend to him I knew nothing about it but anonymously report it. Giving details of the pub and journey home so the police can check CCTV.

I guess at the back of my mind would be, if we split, would he drive drunk with my child in the car and I wouldn't be there to stop it. We all know the family court still gives access to abusers and says the mother is doing parental alienation...

I broke up with my first fiance and one of the main reasons was because he would wet the bed when he was drunk. Your husband is also shirking his family responsibilities, ace trading you like a skivvy.

You deserve so much better.

Tell his family, and your family what he did.

Do so calmly so your little one has a good birthday.

If the old proverb “misery loves company” is true, I’m here to tell you that this situation has happened to me too (and I include the weeing on the floor). In fact a couple of my friends and I regularly lean on each other for emotional support, when it comes to our partners not pulling their weight and letting us down when it comes to important events that we’re hosting.

The way I handle it, is not to let my other half off the hook. At a time that works for me, I let him know exactly what he has done wrong and I also no longer keep it between us. If he’s okay behaving that way, then no need to keep it a secret around our friends and family. He has gotten better over the years, but I’m still doing the lion’s share. I’ve pulled back on doing things for his birthday and leaning back when he wants to organise something. There’s a certain sense of freedom in it, but obviously I would prefer that we lovingly worked as a team and helped each other.

You have my sympathy op. My husband occasionally did this years ago. He is now a barely functioning alcoholic and it's a frequent event. This kind of selfishness is typical of an alcoholic. I cant remember a Christmas or birthday that hasn't been ruined by his drinking. If you're lucky he will be genuinely sorry for a little while, once he reaches my husbands level, even that disappears. At the moment all his problems are due to my (non existent) menopause. This year might b the year I leave him.

I'm very sorry to read about your awful night with him.

Is there any chance he got a lift home or a cab? It doesn't mitigate the rest, though.

Thoughts with you today. Strength for you and your son - you two are the priority right now.

Unfortunately he wouldn't be prosecuted for it that way. It's too late. He has to be caught at the time or shortly after.

OP I hope you manage to have a nice day with your son. Take some time after today to have a think about your relationship.

The drink driving would be enough for me. It shows no respect for you or anyone else. These days it just a matter of time before he is caught and his life gets a whole lot harder (deservedly) and your will too (undeservedly).

This!

Enjoy your little boys birthday but seriously you need to think about the future with this misogynistic, arrogant, entitled, rude, selfish twat.

I hope he has a hangover from hell and he'll probably try and pull a 'poor me' attitude all day so make sure the kids party is LOUD!!

Alcoholics behave like this- staying longer in the pub than promised, letting people down, drinking so much that they pee in the wardrobe or wherever.

I hope you and your dc have a nice day today and that he is sick as a dog.

I would also be hiding the car keys.

If he definitely drove home, I'd have to leave him for that alone.

What on earth is attractive about men like this??? Did he pee on the floor on your wedding night?

Please value your own self worth and leave. Your life will be less stressful without him.

Nothing constructive to add that hasn’t already been said, but sending some love. I hope you manager to have a brilliant day with the kids x

He drove while dangerously over the limit.

He could have killed an innocent person/people.

Vile arsehole.

Pissing on the carpet is gross.

He's vile.

Is he the father of the children?

You need to kick him out. You need to get him tp buy another carpet {or flooring} before he goes.

He's a poor excuse for a man. Leave. It is only going to get worse as time goes by.

Have you chucked a bucket of cold water over him yet?

Such an awful situation to be in - he sounds really hideous.
depending on how you feel and want to tackle it - you could either suck it up today for sake of kids then later in week have a private chat with him and calmly without emotion tell him if he behaves so neglectfully again you will leave him. For this to work - he really has to believe he’s crossed a line so you will need to be prepared and icy cool etc.

OR you could start cheerfully calling it out today. Leave the mess in the bedroom, and aay “you’ll never guess what DP did last night, he peed all over the floor.. “ ; don't make the food, go somewhere with your kids today and spend time with them, and leave it to him to sort out and prep, or order takeaway. This approach needs to be done quite cheerfully, assumptively and matter of fact. “oh I thought we agreed you were doing xyz” Leave him to scramble and absolutely face the consequences - don’t cover for him and save him.
HOwever - which kind of path you follow to solve it/ get your point across - really depends on your personality and what you can cope with but I hope you can find the strength to do something as you don’t deserve this. It’s truly disrespectful behaviour - to you, your kids, your family and friends, and society - and I hope you can find the strength to address it with the best outcome for you xx