…to ask what to do about my former employer trying to ruin my life any way they can for their own amusement?

[Renegader]

Hi MNers,

Unfortunately back in September I was dismissed from my job due to failure of probation. This was the next working day after I took a few hours off which I requested TOIL to go the vet to seek an update on the cat I rescued from outside my workplace. My manager whom was very controlling and acted angrily to any kind of challenging of his ‘authority’ used this as a reason to fail my probation and dismiss me immediately. I sought legal advice and was told as I was in probation there’s not much I can do, even though I wasn’t even on a warning nor did I commit any kind of misconduct.

My weasel of a manager calls me after the charity manager dismisses me saying he was having a stressful day and didn’t think his boss would actually fire me even though he blew the cat situation out of proportion and knows she is very harsh. He said to give him as a reference for any future jobs and that he is so sorry about everything, so that’s what I did.

Fast forward to today and I get an email from a job I was due to start in a few weeks saying they are withdrawing the job offer as my former manager would only provide a basic reference thus raising a red flag for them. This was when he said he would give me a positive reference. I was good at my job and my clients I supported were very happy with me.

I have been in tears for most of the day, feeling completely powerless and hopeless about my future. Am I going to be blacklisted from this sector because I did a good deed and stood my ground about it? I need a job, this cat is expensive and I feel like my former manager and employer are trying to ruin my life. Because of their inept Payroll team I am also having my Universal Credit slashed by 20% as my employer took a Direct Earnings Attachment from my salary for a previous DWP advance then appear to not have actually sent the monies to HMRC as DWP told me they have no record of it despite the deductions being on my payslips. So, in conclusion, they sabotaged my employment with them, my benefits whilst out of work and now my future employment prospects. The most laughable thing is they are supposed to be a mental health charity but are doing everything in their power to push me to despair! Any advice on how to overcome this would be much appreciated, thanks in advance.

No one is trying to sabotage your future employment and your home life is not relevant to your current or former employers. You need to de-escalate this in your mind or the most likely scenario is that you sabotage your own future by behaving unprofessionally.

A basic, neutral reference from former employers is the norm. Unless there’s something related to safeguarding that you haven’t included here it shouldn’t be an issue as long as you don’t list this person specifically as someone who will give you a strong reference.

Wrong because you provided no information 😅 or cherry picked the information you have provided yet everyone has unsurprisingly seen through that your general attitude stinks and I suspect this was the case throughout your employment.

Sending a teams message and not following up with a call before you decide to galavant off on your stray cat mission was a mistake. Going at all was a mistake.

You have made a mistake and you refuse to accept it and are spending time that could be spent seeking alternative temp or permanent work arguing on MN.

Once your manager had time to reflect, they changed their mind which they are allowed to do. They are not trying to ruin your life or sabotage future employment. They are providing you with a fair reference. Just choose a way to explain a gap in your employment or start taking responsibility for the situation you got yourself in.

I’m on the fence. My last two previous employers would only give a ‘basic’ reference.
However, the cat thing is weird when they didn’t give permission and the boss said he was having a bad day.
Bit odd for a company not to accept a basic reference. Maybe they’re not a great company to work for 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would just send an email to the "new employer" saying that you are sorry to hear that the job has been rescinded, that the basic reference is company policy and provide an alternative personal referee if that would help. It maybe that they have made their minds up, but worth a try.

The person throwing around baseless character assassinations and stupid emojis thinks my attitude stinks?!

OP, you seem to be twisting this way too far. It could be as simple as the future employer asked them to say why you left in the basic reference, and failed probation is the truth. That’s red flag to any employer if you haven’t explained this to them or told them something different. You need to put it behind you and stop blaming everyone for what sounds a mistake on your part.

Providing a basic reference is very very normal. They are not sabotaging your future in any way by doing so.

And as harsh as it may have felt, dismissing you for going on leave when it was refused isn’t malicious.

Out of interest, is your OCD medically diagnosed and did you declare it when you took up your role at the old charity? I ask because, whilst in probation it is much easier for companies to terminate your employment with very little reason, HR departments tend to be a little more reticent when the individual involved has a protected characteristic, as they do not want to open the company up to the risk of accusations of prejudice and discrimination. As a result, managers will usually be expected to demonstrate all efforts have been exhausted to improve performance before moving to dismissal.

I’m not sure if there were any other performance concerns in your case OP, but I would say the fact you chose to take leave when you had been denied it is likely to have raised concerns about your ability to follow direction, comply with company policies (when else/what scenario might you decide the rules don’t apply to you in future when the consequences could be far more serious)and how effectively you can operate as a member of a team where cooperation, collaboration and group goals and objectives take precedence over individual’s own interests and wants.

As an animal lover I sympathise re the cat, but you made the wrong call and are now having to deal with the fallout.

As I suggested in my previous post, maybe contact the new charity and see if they would accept a more in depth personal reference from another person. If not, chalk this down to experience, remove this man from the list of referees and channel your energy into applying for other opportunities.

The part that I find most malicious is him lying he will provide a good reference just to sabotage me. He is fully aware in this sector especially with another employer based nearby within the mental health sphere will see it as a red flag that he will only provide a basic reference.

I’ve not seen a psychiatrist but I’m on the waiting list for CBT so my GP and the IAPT service have concluded I have OCD but I don’t know if this counts as a formal diagnosis? I was open with this employer about it and declared it on the Diversity form. My Line Manager and the managers who participated in my dismissal were also aware.

Hang on... you wanted time off work to get an update on a stray cat?

Would an email or phone call not have sufficed?

It's hardly a baseless character 'assassination' you clearly have a flair for the dramatic. We are basing this on your dozens of defensive replies and lack of self awareness. Read my previous supportive replies and realise not everyone is against you OP but your replies lack any sort of accountability.
And what do you have against an emoji????

Sorry... but if you have TOIL to use then there is absolutely no reason why it shouldn't be used as long as there is adequate office cover. What people do with their annual leave... toil etc is up to them and doesn't really even need an explanation

Sorry i know im not an animal person and I apologise for being insensitive- but I genuinely cant believe someone would risk their job, especially in this market to check up on a stray cat!

takes all sorts i guess

You didn’t have a valid reason. And I love cats and am as flexible as I can be with my team. Will cover for them myself if I can and they really need to get off - but would not have been covering you to visit a vet personally for an update on an animal you met the day before. I’d have been raising big concerns about you. The fact you did it on a WFH day would make you seem even more unreliable to me.

This decision was not bullying. You may have had other grievances with your manager and there would have been formal HR processes which would have allowed you to raise concerns.

if you want complete flexibility work for yourself. J needed flexibility for 15 years so ran my own business. I now am employed which has benefits over being self-employed but I do have to ask permission for time off…..

I’m not expecting you all to agree with all my actions but I do think I don’t deserve to have my future impacted because I was trying to do what I thought was the right thing. I’m being made to feel like a pervert and that I won’t work again when all I did was rescue an animal especially when ‘Safeguarding’ is being thrown around when there were never any safeguarding or misconduct issues and my prospective new employer were assuming I must have done something bad to only be given a basic reference. Sorry but I’m just devastated about today’s news.

Made to feel like a pervert????

OP it's time to log off.

OP I think the more pressing matter atm is money deducted from your wages but seemingly not repaid to DWP. Suggest you speak to Citizens Advice asap to get this sorted.
Rethink future job applications, find people who know you well as referees, try to avoid mentioning previous employer.

You're there to work. Whilst it's commendable that you helped a cat they can't run a company on flaky staff who keep nipping out on no work related issues.

You are being very unfair on your ex employer.

Very gently, OP, and speaking as an HR person (and cat lover) who has experienced severe mental illness, if your OCD is affecting your life and decision making to the extent that your posts suggest, you are probably not currently well enough to be working supporting clients with mental illness. Please think about whether you should seek support.

With the HR hat on:
You mentioned the cat had been hanging round your office for several days. How much time out of your working day had you been spending obsessing about it? Might a more rational response have been to get in touch with a local cat rescue and see if they could come out to the cat, or at least lend you a basket?
At the point you left work without authorisation, you had signed the cat over to a rescue and left it with an actual vet. Yet you decided you simply must leave work to make an in-person visit to a cat that wasn't even yours, whose care you weren't responsible and couldn't influence.
How many other times did you leave suddenly during 7 months? And how much sick leave, emergency leave, unpaid leave etc did you take?
You were in your probation period. And if your employer had a responsibility to make reasonable adjustments for your OCD, I don't think they failed in it by not letting you take time off work to visit someone else's cat at the vets.

Your future is not “being sabotaged”, you sabotaged it yourself by walking out of work without permission in the middle of a shift whilst still on probation! Regardless of how good you are at the job, employers want people who are reliable.

It might not make sense to you but when you have a job offer withdrawn because the organisation ‘prioritises safeguarding’ and they were unhappy with a basic reference, it cuts deep, I am not a criminal or danger to anyone but feel like that is what they’re insinuating all because I disobeyed my employer who treated me very poorly.