…to ask what to do about my former employer trying to ruin my life any way they can for their own amusement?

[Renegader]

Hi MNers,

Unfortunately back in September I was dismissed from my job due to failure of probation. This was the next working day after I took a few hours off which I requested TOIL to go the vet to seek an update on the cat I rescued from outside my workplace. My manager whom was very controlling and acted angrily to any kind of challenging of his ‘authority’ used this as a reason to fail my probation and dismiss me immediately. I sought legal advice and was told as I was in probation there’s not much I can do, even though I wasn’t even on a warning nor did I commit any kind of misconduct.

My weasel of a manager calls me after the charity manager dismisses me saying he was having a stressful day and didn’t think his boss would actually fire me even though he blew the cat situation out of proportion and knows she is very harsh. He said to give him as a reference for any future jobs and that he is so sorry about everything, so that’s what I did.

Fast forward to today and I get an email from a job I was due to start in a few weeks saying they are withdrawing the job offer as my former manager would only provide a basic reference thus raising a red flag for them. This was when he said he would give me a positive reference. I was good at my job and my clients I supported were very happy with me.

I have been in tears for most of the day, feeling completely powerless and hopeless about my future. Am I going to be blacklisted from this sector because I did a good deed and stood my ground about it? I need a job, this cat is expensive and I feel like my former manager and employer are trying to ruin my life. Because of their inept Payroll team I am also having my Universal Credit slashed by 20% as my employer took a Direct Earnings Attachment from my salary for a previous DWP advance then appear to not have actually sent the monies to HMRC as DWP told me they have no record of it despite the deductions being on my payslips. So, in conclusion, they sabotaged my employment with them, my benefits whilst out of work and now my future employment prospects. The most laughable thing is they are supposed to be a mental health charity but are doing everything in their power to push me to despair! Any advice on how to overcome this would be much appreciated, thanks in advance.

I wonder what the employers version of events would look like?

My employer also only allow basic references, although when I get a reference request I will usually email and explain that so it doesn't cause concern.

I agree with other posters that on the face of it, that's not entirely a terrible reason for failing probation. Maybe it could have been handled with a disciplinary - but you don't seem particularly to recognise the error in what you did.

The money being deducted but not paid is more serious. I would look into how you can resolve this, particularly as you have the evidence on your payslips. I'm not sure who would be the correct person to complain to - maybe a finance thread on here or Citizens Advice Bureau could help?

Keep looking for jobs. If they're sending a basic reference (and not a negative one) lots of businesses will recognise that as the norm.

I don’t know who would fabricate such a tedious story. Out of all the things posted to this site you’re pulling me up for making something up that has actually happened and is still ruining my life? I took the cat to a vets, they took him in under a charity then I adopted him back and he is with me now. I felt a strong bond as he was hanging around outside our workplace for a few days before I could afford to buy a cage and bring him to the vets etc.

You asked to leave the workplace and use time off in lieu, which was refused. So you left anyway and defied your manager. Wanting an employee to do what they're meant to do and be where they're meant to be doesn't make a manager "controlling". Why are you surprised that you were dismissed and only have a basic reference? You should have just phoned the vet.

Sorry, you just left work unauthorised to go check up on a cat that you rescued the previous day?

wtf?!
I see more and more threads like this and assume they are joke ones.
But then I read the comments and find out they’re real events!
Genuinely fascinating 😂😂

I agree. You really shouldn't have taken the time off when permission was refused. Your boss is not ruining your life. He has provided a basic reference. Still you need to move on and apply for jobs,

Seems like it would be good for you to understand a few things clearly.

You absolutely can be let go when you are in probation for any reason whatsoever. It isn’t nice but employers are allowed to do it.

You cannot take time off in lieu if it hasn’t been approved. Ever. Even if you feel justified. You fired yourself for this action while on probation. You employer isn’t at fault.

They aren’t been unkind or unjustified.

Now to get to the crux of your post. Most employers will not give any reference other than a basic role and dates at the company. They gave you a standard reference. Your manager will have been told to give the company response despite potentially wanting to give a more positive reference.

The reason you probably didn’t get the job is they found out that you didn’t complete probation.

Your previous employer has done nothing wrong. You can’t take time off because you feel like it and you got a standard reference. Let it go.

Unfortunately you take no responsibility for a situation of your own making and are making some ridiculous claims. They aren’t doing it for their amusement. Give me a break. Do you honestly think they have nothing better to do?

Take this is a learning and move on.

It seems bizarre your new employer should class the basic tombstone type reference as a red flag. You were there for 7 months. As others say, just supply another reference from a different employer. If the cat hating guy was honest he could've said 'she failed her probation. She took unauthorised TOIL'. So the less he's got to say about you the better quite frankly. I hope you get a new job soon.

@Renegader surely you realised they would sack you if you left work when permission had been expressly denied?

The reasons people take off from work and seem to think their managers are unreasonable for pulling them up are just getting wilder and wilder, honestly. It's usually the younger Gen Z staff pulling this crap (we had one took a 2hr lunch to go shop for a college prom outfit!) but not exclusively.

It's very nice you've taken care of the cat but it's extremely unprofessional to take time off work when it was unauthorised and you were still on probation.

The employee was write to let you go as you treated them with contempt.

This has got to be a piss take surely @Renegader?

Absolutely no way could you possibly expect for you to pass probation on you basically leaving your workplace without authorisation? You asked for TOIL, you were not granted it and then decided to leave anyway?

Your post is peppered with an air of entitlement. I'm assuming the prosepctive employer simply phoned your old workplace to ask why the short stay/did you complete your probationary period and they told the truth.

I'm not sure what you expect!

I think your reaction to everything just sounds negative.

it is normal for employers to give basic references, I work for a government department and this is our policy. 100,000s of people have/are employed here so that’s a huge volume of people that won’t have personal references! If this one employer thought that was a red flag, then it seems like they’re inexperienced with recruitment. Not all ex employees want to share the nitty gritty in references to avoid legal issues.

with benefits you tend to be able to ask for reconsiderations of decisions and deferrals so maybe see what support they can provide

with the dismissal, frankly it seems like a bad place to work so it was only inevitable for issues to occur. I wouldn’t trust a word your ex manager said. He totally wanted you gone.

Has OP confirmed they asked for time off and left work anyway when it was refused?

If it was my own pet cat I would’ve phoned the vet for an update but I was very distressed as the lady from the rescue place was not responding to my messages so I went in-person to the vets where I originally brought him into for a check over. The lady who worked at the vet ran a cat rescue on the side and persuaded me to hand him over to the rescue and I knew he was probably still there if he was alive but I was previously told he might have FIP which was deadly so I was panicking a lot and suffer from OCD. I thought a mental health charity would be more understanding.

There is a distinction between employer references (which typically will be completed by HR, are very succinct and essentially just confirm that the individual was employed in x role between x date and x date), and personal references which will go into more detail around an applicant’s skills, capabilities, character etc and can be from colleagues, managers etc.

There are only a few people who I have worked for and with over my 25+ years in the workplace that I would consider putting down as the latter. They are people who really understood and appreciated the complexity of the role I did and my contributions and capabilities and I trust them implicitly to give an honest, positive assessment of my professional performance and potential.

Could you contact the new company and see if there was confusion between the type of reference they were looking for and, if they need a personal one, give them an alternative person to contact who won’t sabotage your chances?

Whilst I’m not sure why on earth you would leave work unauthorised for something that could have been a phone call, in answer to your question, yes ex-bosses can make your life harder with a basic reference. I have had three job offers withdrawn because my former employer gave me basic references and that wasn’t considered satisfactory. I did some agency work and then used the agency as a reference. Depending on the sector you work, that might be your best option.

You requested leave and the request was refused. You took the leave anyway.
This would not be tolerated in many workplaces especially when on probation.
YABU

Yes, she's confirmed it.

This whole thread is insane 🤣. How old are you, OP?

You can't request time off, have the request declined and leave anyway, not unless it's a dire emergency, and even then, you risk losing your job as a result.

Going to the vet to check on the random cat you felt sorry for and didn't even belong to you does not constitute a dire emergency.

They were right to fail your probation and I'm not sure what kind of reference you expected in the circumstances.

The only slightly off thing on their part is your manager agreeing to provide a good reference and then reneging.

They aren't ruining your life and you need to wise up about what's acceptable in the workplace.

Okay but do I deserve my future work life sabotaged because of this, especially when my ex-manager said he felt terrible and would provide a proper reference?

I agree with Tinky. You requested leave and it was denied. You could have called. You chose to leave without permission.

They refused you TOIL but you took it anyway over a cat that you handed over to a cat rescue? Am I understanding this correctly?

The lady who worked at the vet ran a cat rescue on the side and persuaded me to hand him over

I was also completely fed up as it was just myself and my manager in the team and I felt like an emotional punching bag for him. Other colleagues would chat away in their teams and if I so much as said two words to someone he or his manager would make comments about it even though I am a quiet person who didn’t converse much.

You're clearly having a tough time at the moment but it doesn't seem to the majority here that anyone agrees your ex-employer is 'out to get you'.

I understand that when going through tough times it's sometimes easier to pin it on an external factor but I don't think you can do that here.

You clearly cared for the cat but the judgement you made was short-sighted and rightly cost you your job as you took unauthorised time off work during a probationary period when you can be let go for much, much less.

Definitely send a copy of your payslips to DWP to show the advance had been deducted to be repaid. I presume it is their responsibility to follow this up with your ex-employer however AIBU isn't the board to query that on, particularly given you seem unwilling to accept the verdict that you were in fact unreasonable.

Work on accepting it for what it was, a mistake, and move on.

It’s not sabotage though really. It’s just a basic reference which is reasonable given the circumstances. Maybe he has since been instructed that he is only to give a basic one.

A failed probation is never going to lead to a glowing reference is it.