…to ask what to do about my former employer trying to ruin my life any way they can for their own amusement?

[Renegader]

Hi MNers,

Unfortunately back in September I was dismissed from my job due to failure of probation. This was the next working day after I took a few hours off which I requested TOIL to go the vet to seek an update on the cat I rescued from outside my workplace. My manager whom was very controlling and acted angrily to any kind of challenging of his ‘authority’ used this as a reason to fail my probation and dismiss me immediately. I sought legal advice and was told as I was in probation there’s not much I can do, even though I wasn’t even on a warning nor did I commit any kind of misconduct.

My weasel of a manager calls me after the charity manager dismisses me saying he was having a stressful day and didn’t think his boss would actually fire me even though he blew the cat situation out of proportion and knows she is very harsh. He said to give him as a reference for any future jobs and that he is so sorry about everything, so that’s what I did.

Fast forward to today and I get an email from a job I was due to start in a few weeks saying they are withdrawing the job offer as my former manager would only provide a basic reference thus raising a red flag for them. This was when he said he would give me a positive reference. I was good at my job and my clients I supported were very happy with me.

I have been in tears for most of the day, feeling completely powerless and hopeless about my future. Am I going to be blacklisted from this sector because I did a good deed and stood my ground about it? I need a job, this cat is expensive and I feel like my former manager and employer are trying to ruin my life. Because of their inept Payroll team I am also having my Universal Credit slashed by 20% as my employer took a Direct Earnings Attachment from my salary for a previous DWP advance then appear to not have actually sent the monies to HMRC as DWP told me they have no record of it despite the deductions being on my payslips. So, in conclusion, they sabotaged my employment with them, my benefits whilst out of work and now my future employment prospects. The most laughable thing is they are supposed to be a mental health charity but are doing everything in their power to push me to despair! Any advice on how to overcome this would be much appreciated, thanks in advance.

Perhaps look for a job in a cat sanctuary?

Basic reference is all anyone does in HR these days.

If you want someone else to do your “character reference” then give next employer that persons name. Someone who u know full give a better than basic reference. You can say - employer only gives dates, person X can give character reference.

For what it's worth i have found people working for mental heath and learning disabilities charities are the worst people to work with.

I haven't got a clue why but having had a 6 year career detour to this area I can tell you I will never work in this sector again it's awful and managment are ether useless and have been promoted for the wrong reasons or are absolute control freaks.

Get out while you still can!

I do feel bad for you because you’re clearly upset but you’ve got to start taking responsibility OP. Unless there’s something huge you’re missing out here you haven’t been treated very poorly

I don’t think you’re going to get what you need from
this thread, or at least what you want.

I am starting CBT soon. You may think because I made a decision you disagree with my mental health is very poor but I have always worked and my clients spoke very highly of me and the support I provided them.

I spent maybe an hour that whole week checking on the cat but that was less than other colleagues who were feeding and petting him too. I phoned various animal rescue charities but either they did not answer or did not return my messages or emails and had auto-replies saying how swamped they were with abandoned animals.

I did have a few weeks sick leave spread across the 7 months so I accept this was an issue but I never even got a warning or had a formal meeting about it. I left on one other occasion because my relative was threatening to self-harm after receiving bad news.

Hi,

I am ex HR. I have wrote and received hundreds, possibly thousands of references, around 90% of these are basic and factual.
You can pick out a small unaware company a mile off, they give all kinds of opinions and information on an ex employee.
A company who knows employment law and their legal liabilities rarely give more than the basics.

There is actually a couple of times a manager has come to show me the lovely reference they have wrote and I have plucked it straight out of their hands and gave them dates of employment and a lecture on putting the company at risk, not because I was being a bitch, just because that's how to world works.

I have seen numerous cases of employers getting themselves in serious trouble with references. It's highly likely your manager wanted to give you a good reference but was stopped by management higher up and company policy.

I know a lot of people have gave you a hard time and I have always been very fair when firing employees.

The way you are speaking would indicate to me you were having a really difficult time staying at work when worrying about the cat, personally I would of told you to take a couple of hours to sort yourself out, take a breath and compose yourself but you didn't give anyone a chance to assess that by leaving.

Put it down to life experience, I am guessing you are very young and you'll learn how to act in a professional setting in the future. Be fair with people (I.e make sure you speak to someone and discuss things properly instead of running off) and generally people will be fair with you.

You have no evidence that he is trying to sabotage you. He gave a factual reference, which is probably all he’s allowed to give. If anything, it’s concerning that this new charity have raised it as a red flag as it shows how little they know about business matters.

Kindly OP, there are lots of reasons as a manager I've had to deny late leave requests, TOIL requests, etc for non emergency reasons. If we don't have enough staff cover for the work have on that day, I can't just let people go off at short notice unless they're ill or it's an emergency. You also need to build a relationship and some trust before you can start asking to take last minute leave for personal things. Establish a give and take relationship first. It's lovely you were so caring about this cat, but your employer wasn't paying you to rescue cats on their time, and if you start letting people have time off in probation for minor things it sets a precedent for piss taking. The whole "nothing is ever my fault or my responsibility" attitude is tedious, an astute manager can spot it a mile off and will absolutely play things by the book and keep hard boundaries with someone they suspect is that way inclined. I'm afraid that's how you come across on here. Unless you need to go home sick, mental health issues are also not an excuse for leaving work unauthorized to go see a random rescued cat either.

It really sucks that their lack of detail in the reference has been detrimental, and if they genuinely did sabotage in some way that's awful, and no you don't deserve that. I hope they fix any pay errors too. But as a neurodivergent person with past MH struggles who had to learn a few things the hard way at the start of my working life, the best advice I can offer here is start to take some responsibility for your own part in things and own it when you mess up, don't point the finger at everyone else for everything.

How many hours did you spend phoning around charities and was it in company time?

What is the absence trigger number in your old company? If you breached it then in my experience that would be an automatic fail of probation

When you left to see your relative was that unauthorised or authorised? If unauthorised that is two instances of unauthorised absence plus your sickness, I am not surprised they didn’t keep you on

You have shown yourself as unable to work out your obligations AS AN EMPLOYEE.

You were not entitled to go off on something to do with a cat just because you wanted to. The fact that you have tried to justify this means how fundamentally you do not understand what you sign up to as an employee.

Further, you have assumed that the previous employer is not giving you a reference out of spite. That’s not the case. The previous employer just is not prepared to vouch for you as an employee. That’s because you were an unreliable employee who thought she could just override the rules.

I think you have a solipsistic view of the world: ‘i needed to do X’ and a bit of therapy might help you to understand the benefits of considering how your behaviour presents itself to other people.

This isn’t about HOW the OP chose to spend her leave, it’s about WHEN she decided, unilaterally, to take it.

She abandoned her post. Depending on the work, that could amount to gross misconduct in the eyes of some companies.

Luckily for her employer, she was employed for less than a year so they didn’t have to waste time and effort going through that process.

The OP has now been asked thrice about how much time she had dedicated to this cat during working hours as part of the “rescue”. The fact that she has consistently ignored these questions are very telling.

OP, I’ll tell you exactly how this went-

🎶Ring, ring🎶

New Employer: Hello, we’d like to take a reference for @Renegader please. She’s given us your details.

Old Employer: Oh yes well, I can give you the dates but I’m afraid our policy only means I can confirmed she worked here from Date X to Date Y as Chief Cat Catcher.

NE: That was quite a short period of time. Can you tell us if there were any disciplinary issues?

OE: Ehm, I’m afraid I can’t give you that information. Our policy is just to give dates.

NE: Oh, ok. Well can you tell me if you’d recommend her for a new position with us?

OE: Oh I definitely can’t give you that answer. Policy, doncha know.

NE: Understood.

Thank you for your expertise and your balanced reply. May I ask if it is rare for an employer to withdraw an offer because a company will only provide a basic reference as from what you and several others have said, it’s common practice? Maybe the charity sector is a bit different, I’m not sure.

I was very distressed about the cat that day and my manager was aware of this as I was upset the previous day about the situation and the rescue lady not updating me, leaving me fearing the worst that the cat was dying. I suppose my OCD then further exacerbated this sense of worry and distress about the not knowing and needing to find out.

"My manager whom was very controlling and acted angrily to any kind of challenging of his ‘authority’ "

Why have you used quotation marks for the word authority?(Well, apostrophes actually, but let's not dwell on that.)

Did you have a problem accepting his authority?

How often did you challenge it?

And if you are genuinely concerned that a cat needs a vet just get it in a cardboard box! You don't have to struggle to buy a cage, fgs!

The more you write the more of a nightmare you sound @Renegader. That's if you're for real.

I did call and text, they weren’t replying and my OCD was going into overdrive about how it would be all my fault if the cat was dying and I was just sat at home working in a job where I was treated like shit constantly.

It's a CAT. The vet was doing their job and so was the cat rescue woman. If your OCD is that overwhelming you need to seek proper help or next time you get a job you'll be in the same fix.
Do you actually have diagnosed OCD? Any treatment?

I am glad to hear you are starting CBT soon, and I really hope it helps.

Many employers don't give warnings during probation - ideally they would do that so people had a chance to improve. But "not fair" and "not lawful" are two very different things.

Absence-wise, if "a few" weeks is two, then over a 7 month period, that works out at nearly 7% sickness absence. Very few employers would allow someone to pass probation with sickness that high, and it's likely that the unauthorised absence on top of the sickness absence made their minds up.

Don’t list them on your resume. Fudge the dates or make something up. But as least you know they will not give you a good reference.

I did try the cardboard box and a colleague helped me take it but the cat jumped out near a busy main road. Semi-feral cats are not that easy to handle, who would’ve thought…

Hmm I'm not really sure you understand how work works.
You're paid to work. Not to take TOIL when it suits you without authorisation.
Also sounds like you had quite a lot of sick leave in the short period of time you were there.
Chalk this one up to experience and apply for other jobs.

I work in HR and have clients in social care. I’d be surprised to see anything but a basic reference these days. I haven’t seen a glowing reference for years.

I strongly suspect a phone call took place between your former employer and the new employer. The social care sector is small and everyone knows each other.

This is my worst fear as it’s so underhand. Is there any way I can prove if this has happened?

Good grief!

Nothing's your fault is it?!

Have you actually learned anything from your thread?

This

Factual references are common. Hardly ruining your life by giving you one. Probably dodged a bullet with the new employer if they’d withdraw an offer for that

Its very rare for an employer to not accept a basic reference, I wouldn't be happy with the new employer for retracting the offer but there's not a lot you can do about it.
I must say though I have just seen that you have added you had weeks of sickness, other times when your attention was on the cat and another instance of leaving so as fair as I am you wouldn't be passing my probation.
Don't chew yourself anymore on what's happened, they weren't out to get you but just learn what's acceptable in a probation period going forward, good luck.

Most employers in my sector give basic refs only, we get asked for more and we always refuse, it’s not a red flag. The new job is being pedantic as they ought to know this.

The charity wasn't based in Wales was it? It's frustrating but don't let this knock back put you off applying for other jobs.