…to ask what to do about my former employer trying to ruin my life any way they can for their own amusement?

[Renegader]

Hi MNers,

Unfortunately back in September I was dismissed from my job due to failure of probation. This was the next working day after I took a few hours off which I requested TOIL to go the vet to seek an update on the cat I rescued from outside my workplace. My manager whom was very controlling and acted angrily to any kind of challenging of his ‘authority’ used this as a reason to fail my probation and dismiss me immediately. I sought legal advice and was told as I was in probation there’s not much I can do, even though I wasn’t even on a warning nor did I commit any kind of misconduct.

My weasel of a manager calls me after the charity manager dismisses me saying he was having a stressful day and didn’t think his boss would actually fire me even though he blew the cat situation out of proportion and knows she is very harsh. He said to give him as a reference for any future jobs and that he is so sorry about everything, so that’s what I did.

Fast forward to today and I get an email from a job I was due to start in a few weeks saying they are withdrawing the job offer as my former manager would only provide a basic reference thus raising a red flag for them. This was when he said he would give me a positive reference. I was good at my job and my clients I supported were very happy with me.

I have been in tears for most of the day, feeling completely powerless and hopeless about my future. Am I going to be blacklisted from this sector because I did a good deed and stood my ground about it? I need a job, this cat is expensive and I feel like my former manager and employer are trying to ruin my life. Because of their inept Payroll team I am also having my Universal Credit slashed by 20% as my employer took a Direct Earnings Attachment from my salary for a previous DWP advance then appear to not have actually sent the monies to HMRC as DWP told me they have no record of it despite the deductions being on my payslips. So, in conclusion, they sabotaged my employment with them, my benefits whilst out of work and now my future employment prospects. The most laughable thing is they are supposed to be a mental health charity but are doing everything in their power to push me to despair! Any advice on how to overcome this would be much appreciated, thanks in advance.

My large corporate employer only gives “basic” references - dates of employment & job title.

Many employers feel anything “more” leaves them open to legal probs .
New job could be lying … just found someone else

No, it was a smaller local mental health charity where I live.

No, they never asked me at any stage. I would’ve explained the situation if they had.

I'm not sure that would have gone down very well if you had done.

I’ve explained it to them via email today as they were saying the fact my ex-manager refused to provide a detailed reference was a safeguarding concern even though it was not safeguarding-related that’s what they have read into it.

The title of this is a bit over the top for the actual issue I don't think it reads they are actively trying to ruin your life

Additionally I think taking time off to go to the vet wasn't ideal, could you have called?

Whether you agree with why I needed TOIL or not, it is wrong that my employer are still trying to sabotage my future employment just because of ego or to make a point. People do worse things then help a cat and don’t have job offers rescinded. For someone to say to put them as a referee so they can provide a good reference then not do so is straight-up sociopathic in my eyes. This manager knows I am in debt and live with a relative who threatens suicide and what kind of predicament this would leave our household in the longer I am out of work.

You made a request for TOIL. It was denied. You took it anyway. You basically lost a job due to a stray cat. I wouldn’t want to employ you either.

I'd not want you as an employee tbh. You prioritised a stray cat over being at work, you deliberately ignored your managers request to be at work, you're accusing them of bullying because they refused one (late notice) request for time off and you're overly dramatic about the reference. Basic references are common.

Accept, move on and be an employee that is valued rather than a pia

the fact my ex-manager refused to provide a detailed reference was a safeguarding concern even though it was not safeguarding-related that’s what they have read into it.

I think you are in denial about something / missing out a chunk of the story. Nothing about this is adding up.

Even if you're not, you've had good advice to reflect, own your part in this and move on - lesson learned.

I did call and text, they weren’t replying and my OCD was going into overdrive about how it would be all my fault if the cat was dying and I was just sat at home working in a job where I was treated like shit constantly.

So you were wfh, asked for time off which was refused, and went anyway hoping nobody would know because you were working from home?
I don’t think your old employer is in the wrong here, you are unreliable and untrustworthy.

Providing a basic reference is not actively trying to sabotage your future employment. If they were they could have written a bad reference or even refused to give one at all

So many companies say you can only provide basic ones and state the facts. It's the new companies issue not your former boss.

I suspect that there may have been more incidents than you've explained. Employees don't fail probation for one thing at the end. Did your manager express concerns at your regular reviews? If so then that may be something you could have taken on board.

If you felt the denial of your toil request was unfair at the time, you should have checked the organisations leave policy and then raised your concern with the manager in a reasonable way, not just gone ahead and taken it! Whatever the issue was, you were told no on something, and you went ahead and did it anyway. That’s fundamentally a significant breach of trust. That’s the issue here.

even with basic references, some firms ask for reason of departure and it will show failed probation. You need to have a proper answer for that to give future employers as this tale will absolutely be a red flag to any employer - it’s a message you can’t be trusted.

It isn't the manager's job to deal with someone's chaotic homelife. It's the responsibility of an employee to trun up and be at work.

Having said that, I give staff paid time off for vet apps, childcare, and funerals of friends not covered under our work policy and generally want my team to be shown humanity. But.... no one takes the piss. If they do they don't stay long with us.

I think this is very much your own doing, why did you leave when it was not authorised!!! Kinda your own doing here.

I dunno 🤷🏻‍♀️ defying a managers decision and going AWOL could be considered as a major red flag and sufficient to have probation failed. The fact it was to see about a stray cat and it could’ve waited won’t endear them to her even if she had explained it.

Wrong. I sent a Teams message half an hour before saying I really needed TOIL to sort out the cat situation. I got no response then when I returned to my desk later on after the vet visit I got an email stating it was refused then copying in his manager and another manager.

2 things

1. i agree with others, you went off without having leave agreed. That wasn’t good and I’m not surprised you were dismissed.
2. I think you sound paranoid, it’s really standard to give basic references so it’s weird your perspective job turned you down on that basis. I wonder if they got wind of why you were dismissed? I’m sure your manager doesn’t put that much thought into ruining you!

There's a poster on here somewhere who got scammed by a woman who worked in a vet and 'ran a rescue' on the side. Few hundred pound iirc.

Good on you OP for rescuing the cat! 🥰 I would just move on from the situation, you did a good thing but you really can't expect the company to turn a blind eye at you taking unapproved leave. I say this as someone who has just started a new job and had to take my cat to the vet urgently in my first week! No leave available so explained the situation and asked to skip lunch to finish an hour early to make the vets. Obviously if the cat was in immediate danger of the worst happening I'd have done the same as you did, but your manager would have no idea of your anxiety and would be absolutely perplexed at you having to visit a cat in person who was already under care.

Loads of companies just want a start date and end date as a reference so you should be be fine going forward.

But kindly as a cat lover and an employee, you acted impulsively based on your OCD and while I empathize, a business won't make accommodations for that without doctors notes at the least. I think they did the right thing providing reference of employment as that's all that should be necessary.

I hope you get sorted with a job soon and can enjoy your lovely cat.

Agree. I'd have ended your employment immediately. Defying your manager and your general attitude on here of your employer being wrong for everything and no personal accountability. I'd see the writing on the wall for how you'd be in future

I don't think they are sabotaging you. You obviously feel you have been treated unfairly but from the info you have shared I don't think they are unreasonable to dismiss you after you took TOIL when you had been told not to.

Many companies will only provide a basic reference.. this is pretty standard procedure

why didn’t you call the manager instead of messaging? Why didn’t you follow up the no response with a call?? It’s absolute basics to do this if you need permission

So you didn’t even wait for a response just went anyway? How did they become aware that you had gone?